NOW

Okay, sorry people. I have news.

Last week, Monday, the mailman traded the check I had for my summer trip to South Africa for a rejection letter from the Fulbright people. So, I didn't get it. I'm taking the trip to South Africa anyway. Who the hell would pass that up?

The good news is, I've been happy!

Don't ask me about my plans. I don't have them and I am damned proud of it. I decided to stop living in the future. I hope she won't get mad at me when I write this next bit, but something Lisa prompted me to say must be documented. On Sunday we went to see my friend Dan Kahn play at a crowded brewery in Detroit... I was standing on a chair so I could see (it was that crowded). Lisa was explaining to someone (was it me?) that her life begins in August, after the campout. She means that the new path she's on, her teaching internship and masters degree, starts then. But when I heard "My life begins in August," I stomped on the chair and yelled, "My life begins NOW!"

I like that.

Don't worry, the place was loud and hardly anyone turned and looked.

I've been happy. I got another job, running props at the JET's new show, "Brighton Beach Memoirs." For someone who has quit theater, I do an awful lot of it. I really haven't stopped since February. So now I'm in rehearsal for that. I'm splitting the job with my friend Annie that I met in Anne Frank (she played Charlie in Manny). I'm very grateful for her helping me to get that job because I need money. I've also been getting about 30 hours at JCP, so I'm making much more money for May and June than I had expected. I should be set for my trip and just about ready to move out by the post-campout period.

Move out where? I'm not going to answer that! I live in now, now. (Detroit, Wayne State area, as of NOW... :P). I have been putting away JCP stuff and dreaming about having my own little tiny place that I can pull out my guitar, my computer, or my monologues and not have to deal with anyone listening. I want to live alone so bad. And it's so practical! But we'll see what opens up. For all I know I might fall in love with South Africa during my three weeks there and move there.

The Lord is taking good care of me, putting good people in my life. I left Manny in the Mirror knowing that I've never worked with such love amongst a cast before. Theater has brought me piles of friends around here... so that's why I want to stick around. And I get to do theater here. I like the idea that I'm using my degree. But it's the people, mostly.

The night I found out the disappointing news, I called Joel and he read me poetry to make me laugh. I think the first time I laughed all night was when he read the first poem, which goes:

Don't be angry
I'm in bed thinking
Of you at work.

(That's the whole poem.)

Today I recited that for the ladies at JC Penney's and they ate it up. The breakroom shook with laughter. It was the perfect place to share those perfect three lines. But anyway, I'm greatful for Joel for being for me then. I have what I need when I need it. And if you don't know Joel Mitchell, you should.

I've been living in poetry. Writing songs, writing poems, reading poems. I've fallen in love with words again. I think writing puts me in "now" more than anything. It's much easier to write when I'm just enjoying what's around me. And I have been! I've been more self-entertained than ever. I've enjoyed entire days, even those in retail, because I've been noticing things more and laughing more.

The Lord has been very good to me, as they say. I'm starting my day reading Matthew and then I find that I'm thinking about Jesus all day, the things he's done in that book. For example, I read today about when Jesus asks Peter to drop his fishing career and follow Him. As a result, Peter would be surrounded by people to love, as a "fisher of men" (people laugh at that verse, I do all the time, but I'm seeing what it means now, more than ever.) I've decided to follow Jesus instead of leaning on my own understanding. I've been trusting Him and dumping the idea of planning out my future. As a result, my life has been filled with people to love. And that's what being a fisher of men is--loving one another, as Jesus loves us. I've been crazy about Jesus and know it's no coincidence that I'm crazy about people too. And it's no coincidence that in being in love with Jesus and people, I've been in love with life.

Life is good. That ain't no lie.