This is in response to Eric's comment to my last entry, that I may need a little more than God.
I thought about that for a minute. "A little more than God." Why did that strike me as so strange? How do I see
God? As the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the last. Huge, mysterious, encompassing everything. A God who goes everywhere with me, who never leaves me, no matter how hysterical I get in my emotions. Who walks with me when I'm in a slump and somehow sustains me to keep going. He promises I'll find Him if I'm looking for Him. He finds me when I'm not looking for him (like a coin, or a sheep, eh Uncle Paul?)... But, more than anything I know about him, I know he meets my needs. And he does that with people, I think, more than anything else. Yes, I admit, the tears of the other night were selfish, considering the amount of pity involved. I think my point was, bringing up Harry Martin, that people and God are very connected. Well, some people and God. Some, like Harry, who make statements like "I'm happy to be 75 and still have a future to look forward to," can sense what I need to hear and say it to me. The "Man." at the end of the last entry was in response to the way my needs were met, with a person, after lamenting that I was too burdensome for people.
I can look back at my life and see that people come and go quite frequently during the course of it. If I look at that from the surface, it looks like I am simply bad at keeping friends close for more than three years at a time. If I look closer, I can see that each person had a purpose. I like to believe that each person was placed there, by God, to meet the needs of that time. My friend Jenni, now in Thailand, is a great example of that. During the three years that she was around me, God used her tons of times to point me back in the right direction. If I look at my life surrounding my time with Jenni, I can see that I wouldn't have survived without her. When she left, I cried knowing that my time with her would never be the same (I knew that when she returned that she would probably be damn near having a new last name), and that was hard. But in time I had peace about it. "You needed her right next to you during that time," my Reason told me. And He was right.
I'm reading a book by Dietrich Bonhoeffer now where the verse from Proverbs, "The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord," came up. I think it was put there just for me at this time. I see that I do isolate myself, to an extent, but I can never isolate myself from God as long as His spirit is with me. But if I open myself up to people, I am allowing myself to see God clearer. Because of what Harry said the other day, it was clear that God uses us to be lights (He tells us He does, anyway. "You are the light of the world. Not, if you want, you can try to be the light of the world, but as matter-of-factly, "You are the light of the world.") Isolating myself from people, yes, is a sick form of hiding from God's light.
To wrap this up, I'll mention that there is really no such thing as "a little more than God." I think, what Eric meant, though perhaps he'll disagree, is "I think you need a little more OF God." The God that manifests himself in the people around me, to meet my stabilizing needs. Anyway, Eric, thanks for responding, because you're right, I have plenty of people around me that help meet my needs. It's foolish of me to try to love them and to isolate myself at the same time.
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Sunday, December 28, 2003
Last night was pretty rough. I didn't sleep very much and I woke up crying twice. It reminded me of some of the
nights of the roadtrip when I did that. I'm trying to quit smoking, and usually I could just go out and have a cigarette but I couldn't this time. It was miserable. I started to get upset because my thoughts told me that I was impossible to live with, with my condition of emotional instability. But I hated being alone. So it was like I couldn't live with or without other people. And then I thought it would be better to live alone, so only I would have to deal with my misery. Ugh.
I woke up this morning and went to church. Once again, Harry reminded me, through his teaching, that God is with me. But after the meeting, as I passed him he said "Thank you for being on this earth." I told him, "It wasn't my choice." And he said "the world is so much richer because you're here."
Man.
nights of the roadtrip when I did that. I'm trying to quit smoking, and usually I could just go out and have a cigarette but I couldn't this time. It was miserable. I started to get upset because my thoughts told me that I was impossible to live with, with my condition of emotional instability. But I hated being alone. So it was like I couldn't live with or without other people. And then I thought it would be better to live alone, so only I would have to deal with my misery. Ugh.
I woke up this morning and went to church. Once again, Harry reminded me, through his teaching, that God is with me. But after the meeting, as I passed him he said "Thank you for being on this earth." I told him, "It wasn't my choice." And he said "the world is so much richer because you're here."
Man.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
My parents got rid of the piano. I can't say that without letting tears glaze my eyes. I suppose it is just a piece of furniture. No. It's more than that. I would walk into the living room and feel my heart jump at the thought of pulling out the bench and lifting the pale wooden cover. My heart always did that, whether I played or not. I expressed myself on that piano long before i could plunk at the keys of my laptop. My fingers would spread over that ivory, they just fall into place. I barely used music. I just used what was in my head. Lately it was Musetta's Waltz, or Nessun Dorma.
I played it one last time before they took it away. Maybe I should have played it more before that. I sat in front of those keys and I was four years old again, playing what was in my head. I imagined, as I played, my parents surrounding me with tears in their eyes. My father places his hand on my shoulder and tries to understand what it means that they're giving it away. He changes his mind, apologizes, and I continue to play. They gave it away and no one understands what it meant for them to do that.
I have a guitar now, but I didn't have a guitar when I was four. I didn't figure out the Japanese theme from my Raffi tape on the guitar. Or the theme to Edward Scissorhands when i was seven. I can't sit at the guitar and touch my youth. "We'll buy you a keyboard," I've had repeated to me. A keyboard isn't the same. Any Other Piano Isn't The Same.
How long can one go on, lamenting over am instrument?
I played it one last time before they took it away. Maybe I should have played it more before that. I sat in front of those keys and I was four years old again, playing what was in my head. I imagined, as I played, my parents surrounding me with tears in their eyes. My father places his hand on my shoulder and tries to understand what it means that they're giving it away. He changes his mind, apologizes, and I continue to play. They gave it away and no one understands what it meant for them to do that.
I have a guitar now, but I didn't have a guitar when I was four. I didn't figure out the Japanese theme from my Raffi tape on the guitar. Or the theme to Edward Scissorhands when i was seven. I can't sit at the guitar and touch my youth. "We'll buy you a keyboard," I've had repeated to me. A keyboard isn't the same. Any Other Piano Isn't The Same.
How long can one go on, lamenting over am instrument?
Monday, December 22, 2003
"Life without God is a long lonely road.
He's the reason to go on..."
We had this huge Christmas concert at NWF yesterday. It was combined with the Christian Fellowship Church--a group that we've befriended over the years and have been doing stuff with. It's a lot of fun for me because it's a black gospel church. They are surprisingly similar to us though. I think they have multiple pastors or elders, and they are pretty informal. It was a long concert, but it was great. My Uncle Paul, Aunt Donna, Chris Martin, and Frank Oakley sang a few songs. The quote up there is from the one that's been in my head.
Harry Martin taught a great message. He compared how the world recieves Jesus at Christmas time to the way a young toddler recieves a Christmas gift--he spends more time on the wrapping than the actual present. That's the way the world is at this time, with Christmas. "Too involved in the wrapping--" i.e., the shopping and the lights, or maybe even the giving itself, "to recognize the gift." I thought that was a great analogy.
It was good to be reminded that through Jesus being born into this world, and therefore taking on our "human condition," that He did his work ifor us. "Glory came down from Heaven," they sang. Sometimes that gets covered up in all the fake snow around here. "God is with us now," Harry explained. And He is. Oh, and before Harry said any of this he sung this hymn called "One Day" or something like that, which was really touching. He just sang it there, acapella, his voice vibrating off the YMCA walls. I wish I could remember exactly which song it was...
He's the reason to go on..."
We had this huge Christmas concert at NWF yesterday. It was combined with the Christian Fellowship Church--a group that we've befriended over the years and have been doing stuff with. It's a lot of fun for me because it's a black gospel church. They are surprisingly similar to us though. I think they have multiple pastors or elders, and they are pretty informal. It was a long concert, but it was great. My Uncle Paul, Aunt Donna, Chris Martin, and Frank Oakley sang a few songs. The quote up there is from the one that's been in my head.
Harry Martin taught a great message. He compared how the world recieves Jesus at Christmas time to the way a young toddler recieves a Christmas gift--he spends more time on the wrapping than the actual present. That's the way the world is at this time, with Christmas. "Too involved in the wrapping--" i.e., the shopping and the lights, or maybe even the giving itself, "to recognize the gift." I thought that was a great analogy.
It was good to be reminded that through Jesus being born into this world, and therefore taking on our "human condition," that He did his work ifor us. "Glory came down from Heaven," they sang. Sometimes that gets covered up in all the fake snow around here. "God is with us now," Harry explained. And He is. Oh, and before Harry said any of this he sung this hymn called "One Day" or something like that, which was really touching. He just sang it there, acapella, his voice vibrating off the YMCA walls. I wish I could remember exactly which song it was...
Monday, December 15, 2003
i'm feeling the aftershock of cutting off my right hand.
okay, so i've kind of given up theater. no, i've really given up theater--at least for now. my plans for next year are that i'm going to be a fulltime travelling musician. i haven't really grieved over losing theater until today, when i had to write the BFA dept head, john neville andrews, and email requesting 2 studio credits that i haven't gotten yet, because i haven't been cast in a university production since my sophomore year. and then it hit me. i haven't been cast since sophomore year. i've never cried about it, because i've never thought about it. i'm not crying about it now, it just sits heavy, making my stomach hurt. my mom worries that i'm giving up to easily, that i should finish out the theater thing. that's not where my heart is, because the theatre business is not what i want to be a part of. that's not how i want to serve Jesus, because usually when i gain theatrical success, I just end up serving myself and forget all about Him. Travelling with the Psalters seems right, because I will have to think of Him all the time, sing to Him all the time, and have fellowship. Yes, it just makes more sense to me, my heart jumps at the thought. But nonetheless, I am cutting of my right hand. and it hurts.
Every Sunday Chuck W asks if I'm still singing. Yes, Chuck, I'm still singing.
okay, so i've kind of given up theater. no, i've really given up theater--at least for now. my plans for next year are that i'm going to be a fulltime travelling musician. i haven't really grieved over losing theater until today, when i had to write the BFA dept head, john neville andrews, and email requesting 2 studio credits that i haven't gotten yet, because i haven't been cast in a university production since my sophomore year. and then it hit me. i haven't been cast since sophomore year. i've never cried about it, because i've never thought about it. i'm not crying about it now, it just sits heavy, making my stomach hurt. my mom worries that i'm giving up to easily, that i should finish out the theater thing. that's not where my heart is, because the theatre business is not what i want to be a part of. that's not how i want to serve Jesus, because usually when i gain theatrical success, I just end up serving myself and forget all about Him. Travelling with the Psalters seems right, because I will have to think of Him all the time, sing to Him all the time, and have fellowship. Yes, it just makes more sense to me, my heart jumps at the thought. But nonetheless, I am cutting of my right hand. and it hurts.
Every Sunday Chuck W asks if I'm still singing. Yes, Chuck, I'm still singing.
Thursday, December 11, 2003
I'm in the middle of databasing grasshoppers, and I need to look at something else! I'm also listening to En Vogue... haha. It's Erinn's. I've been borrowing her stuff alot lately. I hope she's not ticked.
Well, the semester is almost over. I just have a clown performance to do. I am expecting a B in Clown... a B would satisfy me greatly.
Okay, so last night was the BFA Holiday Harry/Agnostic Al party (as opposed to Secret Santa...) for my theatre class. Can you believe I've had the same people in my classes since freshman year? Now here are 11 of us. We started with 14, I think. Lots have dropped or transferred. Katie Thomas made the "originals" a cd with songs to represent each of us. The song she chose for me was Lauryn Hill's
"Every Ghetto, Every City." I guess to go with my obsession for my hometown. Anyway, listening to it today, I think it's a wonderful song to be remembered by. Here's the chorus:
"Every Ghetto, Every City, Every suburban place I've been
Makes me recall my days in the New Jerusalem.
You know it's hard, don't forget what you got
Lookin' Back."
Not bad, eh? I think that Lauryn was referring to her home as the New Jerusalem, which is weird as hell, I'll admit, but I take it literally. Everywhere I go reminds me
of the days to come in the New Jerusalem. And I've definitely seen some things about Detroit (as lost as the place is--the internet news calls it the most dangerous city to live in! Way to go, Detroit!) that point me in the direction of Jesus. Yay for Jesus. Heh.
Okay, I'm back to work.
Well, the semester is almost over. I just have a clown performance to do. I am expecting a B in Clown... a B would satisfy me greatly.
Okay, so last night was the BFA Holiday Harry/Agnostic Al party (as opposed to Secret Santa...) for my theatre class. Can you believe I've had the same people in my classes since freshman year? Now here are 11 of us. We started with 14, I think. Lots have dropped or transferred. Katie Thomas made the "originals" a cd with songs to represent each of us. The song she chose for me was Lauryn Hill's
"Every Ghetto, Every City." I guess to go with my obsession for my hometown. Anyway, listening to it today, I think it's a wonderful song to be remembered by. Here's the chorus:
"Every Ghetto, Every City, Every suburban place I've been
Makes me recall my days in the New Jerusalem.
You know it's hard, don't forget what you got
Lookin' Back."
Not bad, eh? I think that Lauryn was referring to her home as the New Jerusalem, which is weird as hell, I'll admit, but I take it literally. Everywhere I go reminds me
of the days to come in the New Jerusalem. And I've definitely seen some things about Detroit (as lost as the place is--the internet news calls it the most dangerous city to live in! Way to go, Detroit!) that point me in the direction of Jesus. Yay for Jesus. Heh.
Okay, I'm back to work.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
I haven't updated in a while! And I should, because my life is a lot better lately than it has been in a long time.
I have confirmed for myself, again, that I want to be a writer now. This has been very freeing for me. It's hard to
get motivated for those theater classes though, but that's okay. I decided, or I probably didn't decide this, but
that to an artist, there is no such thing as wasted time. We use everything. Esp. a writing artist.
My play is shaping up. I turned in the first draft today. Next week I'll get feedback. I had a bunch of people over this weekend to help me read through it. I hope everyone who came had as good of a time as I did. But I was encouraged because, though there were some errors, and the play would be impossible to actually put on, I wrote a play. And it wasn't the worst thing I've written. (What is the worst thing I've written? Any feedback? Perhaps my first poem for 223, though none of you can verify that, because I'll never show it to you... and don't you DARE say it was that letter I was going to send to Ford asking for a free car for our roadtrip, because I still have a copy of that and hold it dear.)
MELANOPLUS REX--let's just say that the class hated the ending. Not one person, not one! thought it was as funny as I did. Everyone seemed to like it, but no one liked the fact that I did the protagonist in at the end. Here's my favorite comment. "Good Story. Bad Ending. For your next draft, new ending." HA! No one seemed to catch that it was over dramatic (Though, Lisa DID make me take out the part where Edna looks at the sky and screams "NO!" before burrowing her head into the dying entomologist's chest). So, to the delight of all who have suffered through the terrible loss of Ned Kahn (as opposed to Ted Cohn), the endearing 5'4" redhead grasshopper king, i believe that for the next draft he'll survive. I won't think it's as funny, but frankly, I don't think I'll get an A on the story if I kill the guy. Simple as that.
Oh, Sunday I went with Jason Beck (of Madison Greene fame) and Niki P. ( of being engaged to one of my best friends-fame.) to see this incredible Brazilian percussion/tapdancing/swordfighting/rock and roll band at the Blind Pig. And I don't even remember their name! But they were fantastic.
Finally, I have lost a lot of the loneliness I've felt all semester. I ran into Diane Martin at NWF on Sunday, and she asked how I was, and I could honestly say I was doing extremely well, and that there was nothing wrong with my life at the moment. I was happy to say that. Very happy indeed. Now I'm just wondering how long this euphoria will last (I study the sky for approaching clouds and lightening bolts) because as much as I want to be a Shiny Happy Person holding hands, the truth is that I'm pretty pessimistic and gloomy. But oh well. Life is nice at the moment. I don't know how long for, but I guess I do know that eventually it will be forever, so I'm not sweating it.
Okay kids, better start warming up for that audition. An audition where I will approach saying "Hello, I want to be your dramaturg" so I can learn all about Arthur Miller and do research, because I'm a nut! I love research. The more I know the more I can write. And Miller and I go back. Way back to our writing prizes. Yeah.
Ciao for now.
I have confirmed for myself, again, that I want to be a writer now. This has been very freeing for me. It's hard to
get motivated for those theater classes though, but that's okay. I decided, or I probably didn't decide this, but
that to an artist, there is no such thing as wasted time. We use everything. Esp. a writing artist.
My play is shaping up. I turned in the first draft today. Next week I'll get feedback. I had a bunch of people over this weekend to help me read through it. I hope everyone who came had as good of a time as I did. But I was encouraged because, though there were some errors, and the play would be impossible to actually put on, I wrote a play. And it wasn't the worst thing I've written. (What is the worst thing I've written? Any feedback? Perhaps my first poem for 223, though none of you can verify that, because I'll never show it to you... and don't you DARE say it was that letter I was going to send to Ford asking for a free car for our roadtrip, because I still have a copy of that and hold it dear.)
MELANOPLUS REX--let's just say that the class hated the ending. Not one person, not one! thought it was as funny as I did. Everyone seemed to like it, but no one liked the fact that I did the protagonist in at the end. Here's my favorite comment. "Good Story. Bad Ending. For your next draft, new ending." HA! No one seemed to catch that it was over dramatic (Though, Lisa DID make me take out the part where Edna looks at the sky and screams "NO!" before burrowing her head into the dying entomologist's chest). So, to the delight of all who have suffered through the terrible loss of Ned Kahn (as opposed to Ted Cohn), the endearing 5'4" redhead grasshopper king, i believe that for the next draft he'll survive. I won't think it's as funny, but frankly, I don't think I'll get an A on the story if I kill the guy. Simple as that.
Oh, Sunday I went with Jason Beck (of Madison Greene fame) and Niki P. ( of being engaged to one of my best friends-fame.) to see this incredible Brazilian percussion/tapdancing/swordfighting/rock and roll band at the Blind Pig. And I don't even remember their name! But they were fantastic.
Finally, I have lost a lot of the loneliness I've felt all semester. I ran into Diane Martin at NWF on Sunday, and she asked how I was, and I could honestly say I was doing extremely well, and that there was nothing wrong with my life at the moment. I was happy to say that. Very happy indeed. Now I'm just wondering how long this euphoria will last (I study the sky for approaching clouds and lightening bolts) because as much as I want to be a Shiny Happy Person holding hands, the truth is that I'm pretty pessimistic and gloomy. But oh well. Life is nice at the moment. I don't know how long for, but I guess I do know that eventually it will be forever, so I'm not sweating it.
Okay kids, better start warming up for that audition. An audition where I will approach saying "Hello, I want to be your dramaturg" so I can learn all about Arthur Miller and do research, because I'm a nut! I love research. The more I know the more I can write. And Miller and I go back. Way back to our writing prizes. Yeah.
Ciao for now.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Good day today.
I took a test for my Shakespeare course. It was long. 4 essay questions in a blue book-- my hand was killing me. And I am really opinionated. That's what I discovered. I didn't like the western Taming of the Shrew. I liked the idea but didn't think it was executed (canadians trying to do western... i'm a pompous jerk, I know)... anyway, it's weird to think I'm so opinionated.
I should be writing my play. I can't wait until a day when I only have one writing project at a time. At this moment I have 3 stories running through my head and a play.
It's hard because I want to just throw myself completely into one and ignore the others. Right now I want to write a story, not a play, because I just finished a play.
Switching gears is not impossible, but not easy.
I took a test for my Shakespeare course. It was long. 4 essay questions in a blue book-- my hand was killing me. And I am really opinionated. That's what I discovered. I didn't like the western Taming of the Shrew. I liked the idea but didn't think it was executed (canadians trying to do western... i'm a pompous jerk, I know)... anyway, it's weird to think I'm so opinionated.
I should be writing my play. I can't wait until a day when I only have one writing project at a time. At this moment I have 3 stories running through my head and a play.
It's hard because I want to just throw myself completely into one and ignore the others. Right now I want to write a story, not a play, because I just finished a play.
Switching gears is not impossible, but not easy.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
I just got back from Bethany's dorm. We watched When Harry Met Sally. Not a good one for someone who's single and lonely like me. I'm starting to wonder if I'm lonely because I'm an artist. I have a feeling I'll always be lonely, even when there's people around me all the time. I'll probably be married and still lonely, somehow. And that's going to drive my husband up the wall. Or do you think the loneliness is a result of being a believer in this world? Or is this time a time of loneliness, a time when Jesus is making me be a shepherd in a field. Moses, David, they were shepherds. Jesus was, and I bet he was lonely.
I'm pathetic.
I saw BONHOEFFER last night. Whoa guys, if you get a chance to, see it. I forgot that he was in a conspiracy to kill Hitler. Would you kill Hitler? I think I would... which is a strange thought. Good movie though. Wondering what to get me for Christmas? DISCIPLESHIP by him would be nice. :)
Okay, I'm off.
Any ideas for a new story? I'm still thinking aboout writing one called MELANOPLUS REX: An Entomologist's love story.
Melanoplei are grasshoppers.
Night
I'm pathetic.
I saw BONHOEFFER last night. Whoa guys, if you get a chance to, see it. I forgot that he was in a conspiracy to kill Hitler. Would you kill Hitler? I think I would... which is a strange thought. Good movie though. Wondering what to get me for Christmas? DISCIPLESHIP by him would be nice. :)
Okay, I'm off.
Any ideas for a new story? I'm still thinking aboout writing one called MELANOPLUS REX: An Entomologist's love story.
Melanoplei are grasshoppers.
Night
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Here I am, finally. I'm responding to Christy's request (demand) that I update.
I'm about to take my munch break at the museum where I still spend hours entering grasshoppers into a database.
Nothing is new. I have some kind of cold on top of senioritis. So I cough with no initiative. I'm not acting outside of classes. I am not acting much in classes, except for my clown class which is hard, despite the fact that you laughed when you saw that I have a clown class. I am writing alot in writing classes. I am writing a play about how the interpretation of the Diego Rivera Murals at the DIA changes with the way Detroit's history changes. I'm also writing short stories. I need a topic for my next one.
I need to get out of here. I need to go on the road or something. I think Ann Arbor has had enough of me, or I've had enough of Ann Arbor. I'm kind of lonely lately.
Jenni Goad is engaged to Niki. That's pretty exciting news. She's in town from Thailand, but I haven't seen much of her. I've been hanging out with here sister
Bethany alot though. She's a great gal.
Okay, time for lunch.
I'm about to take my munch break at the museum where I still spend hours entering grasshoppers into a database.
Nothing is new. I have some kind of cold on top of senioritis. So I cough with no initiative. I'm not acting outside of classes. I am not acting much in classes, except for my clown class which is hard, despite the fact that you laughed when you saw that I have a clown class. I am writing alot in writing classes. I am writing a play about how the interpretation of the Diego Rivera Murals at the DIA changes with the way Detroit's history changes. I'm also writing short stories. I need a topic for my next one.
I need to get out of here. I need to go on the road or something. I think Ann Arbor has had enough of me, or I've had enough of Ann Arbor. I'm kind of lonely lately.
Jenni Goad is engaged to Niki. That's pretty exciting news. She's in town from Thailand, but I haven't seen much of her. I've been hanging out with here sister
Bethany alot though. She's a great gal.
Okay, time for lunch.
Monday, September 15, 2003
I just bought a WILCO cd (that's a band). They sing a song and this is the chorus that's been running through my head:
you have to lose
you have to lose
you have to learn how to die
if you wanna wanna be alive
pretty cool stuff...
I think that ressurection stuff is starting to play a part in my life. My clown class is killing me in a way, but hey, eventually I'll be dead and perhaps ressurected in that area. Hm.
you have to lose
you have to lose
you have to learn how to die
if you wanna wanna be alive
pretty cool stuff...
I think that ressurection stuff is starting to play a part in my life. My clown class is killing me in a way, but hey, eventually I'll be dead and perhaps ressurected in that area. Hm.
Thursday, August 28, 2003
I'M BACK. I've been around the country. Talk to me if you want the real details or to see pictures of my trip, but here's some american observations from my 2 months on the road.
1) Never drive in LA. Especially on the corner of Kester and Ventura.
2) Most people have morals but are willing to sell them at cash value.
3) Being a christian is only really radical in Ann Arbor. Not so much in Tennessee.
4) Oklahomites are confused about camping.
5) No self serve in Oregon
6) The biggest truck stop in the world is in Iowa.
7) White people are called Anglos in New Mexico.
8) Half of our country is in major drought and is on fire.
9) You can drive 75 on Montana's backroads.
10) The biggest cross in the world is in Texas. It's a spiritual experience
11) Stand up comedy is extremely difficult.
12) Jesus was HUGE and blonde.
13) You are fat if you live in Los Angelos.
14) Alex King was in the synagogue talking to the boy Jesus.
15) Dr. Seuss' trees can be found between Las Vegas and Los Angeles.
16) Utah has a super market called "Honey's Jubilee"
17) Your Pavillion card will work at Vons.
18) There are giant slugs in the redwood forest. GIANT slugs.
19) You only need to take about 3 pictures of the grand canyon.
20) We get our eyes and ideas of courtship from giant scorpions.
21) You can check your email for free in libraries
22) Yellowstone is mostly burnt.
23) If you go on a roadtrip, bring along the Hobbit.
That's all for now.
1) Never drive in LA. Especially on the corner of Kester and Ventura.
2) Most people have morals but are willing to sell them at cash value.
3) Being a christian is only really radical in Ann Arbor. Not so much in Tennessee.
4) Oklahomites are confused about camping.
5) No self serve in Oregon
6) The biggest truck stop in the world is in Iowa.
7) White people are called Anglos in New Mexico.
8) Half of our country is in major drought and is on fire.
9) You can drive 75 on Montana's backroads.
10) The biggest cross in the world is in Texas. It's a spiritual experience
11) Stand up comedy is extremely difficult.
12) Jesus was HUGE and blonde.
13) You are fat if you live in Los Angelos.
14) Alex King was in the synagogue talking to the boy Jesus.
15) Dr. Seuss' trees can be found between Las Vegas and Los Angeles.
16) Utah has a super market called "Honey's Jubilee"
17) Your Pavillion card will work at Vons.
18) There are giant slugs in the redwood forest. GIANT slugs.
19) You only need to take about 3 pictures of the grand canyon.
20) We get our eyes and ideas of courtship from giant scorpions.
21) You can check your email for free in libraries
22) Yellowstone is mostly burnt.
23) If you go on a roadtrip, bring along the Hobbit.
That's all for now.
Thursday, May 22, 2003
Today I thought about a few things regarding time. My time belongs to God. That is an incredibly freeing thought to me. Because my time on earth belongs to me, I can be assured that things will happen at the right time. That goes for people too. It occured to me that people come and go out of my life quite frequently. This unsettles me at times, but ultimately I know who is in charge of my time, and I know that who I have right now, this very moment, are who He has surrounded me with. It's a simple thought, I guess, but it helps do away with thoughts of "I wish I never met that person" or "I wish that person would give me a call now and then to show that I mean something to them." These people aren't making the life altering decisions for me. Jesus, my life source, does that.
Sunday, May 18, 2003
Today I got in a car accident. Those who know me well know what a travesty that is for me. I totaled my car a year ago (Fall 2001), and it took me a long time to get behind the wheel again. I was so terrified today. I thought for a moment that I would never drive again. It was a left turn, just like the last time I crashed the car. I was ready to just run away and move to a city with good public transportation, so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I know it sounds over dramatic, but it was how I felt. My friend Kirsten was with me. Right after I had a hysterical crying fit she took me to the Traffic Jam restaurant (hah, of all titles of places to go) and bought me ice cream for lunch. Boy did that help. Then I just carried on with my life--I went to the DIA like I wanted to, and then went home and told my father. I was so terrified that he would tell me he didn't want me to take my road trip. But He didn't. He was very understanding and told me not to worry about it.
Today I started reading this book that James Cargill gave me that breaks down Buddhism. I read it so that I could kind of understand what my friend Jenni in Thailand is facing there. So after today's accident and reading that book, I truly appreciate Bono's (from U2) words: Grace, she travels outside Kharma. She really does my friends. She really does. But I learned today, again, that I am a human who makes stupid mistakes (and repeats them at that), but even so I have to keep going. I can't look back, I have to just go on with what I've been given, which is definitely grace. My father on earth showed me grace. My father in heaven showed me grace. He has truly strengthened me today.
Satan sure knows how to trip me up. I don't think he sent the car accident--that was just the world and me making stupid decisions at the left turn light. What he did was try to take my mistake and use it to destruct what God is doing in my life. But he didn't win today. He will never win.
I'm taken care of. Thank God for GRACE.
Today I started reading this book that James Cargill gave me that breaks down Buddhism. I read it so that I could kind of understand what my friend Jenni in Thailand is facing there. So after today's accident and reading that book, I truly appreciate Bono's (from U2) words: Grace, she travels outside Kharma. She really does my friends. She really does. But I learned today, again, that I am a human who makes stupid mistakes (and repeats them at that), but even so I have to keep going. I can't look back, I have to just go on with what I've been given, which is definitely grace. My father on earth showed me grace. My father in heaven showed me grace. He has truly strengthened me today.
Satan sure knows how to trip me up. I don't think he sent the car accident--that was just the world and me making stupid decisions at the left turn light. What he did was try to take my mistake and use it to destruct what God is doing in my life. But he didn't win today. He will never win.
I'm taken care of. Thank God for GRACE.
Thursday, May 01, 2003
WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TO:
After reading Lisa and Christy's blogs, I decided to make mine a bit more like some of theirs today--more journal like, if you will. I think it's time for a general update. I've been doing my 9-5 with the Grasshoppers. The big difference between this week and last week is that now I have co-workers. The first is a girl from Nova Scotia who did grad work in the school of natural resources. There is one more grad student, a guy, but I haven't really met him yet... The third is an undergrad bio/tuba major, also a guy. I like having co-workers. It makes the day less lonely, and I'm not imprisoned to my thoughts for so long. That was last week. I felt imprisoned to think deeply as I did the mindless work of organizing grasshoppers into alphabetical order according to species group and sub-species. Now my job is taking the grasshoppers, one by one, and entering them into a massive data base. Let me give you a little insight to how many grasshoppers this actually is. Each drawer has about 250-300. There are about 15 drawers per cabinet. There are 12 cabinets. In three days we entered 1000 grasshoppers in the database. So you see, it's very slow, and there's sooo much to do. I'll be doing it for the rest of May, and my co-workers will continue well after I'm gone. And we're just doing one of the many families of grasshoppers in the range (A range is a room full of collections). This week went by much slower than last week. Maybe it will speed up when I get more accustomed to it.
In my spare time (evenings) I've been doing research for the play I'm writing. I'm writing on my favorite subject: Detroit. Surprised? It's May now, so I'm starting the writing... It's based on an experience Lisa and I had in the DIA with James McNaughton and his girlfriend (JM is a teacher I had my freshman year. He started me on writing...) So I've been reading up on the Rivera Court Murals, and Henry Ford. The research is being morphed, now directed toward the auto-workers. I am not sure if my play is one of my many over-ambitions... Since I've started writing, I think my schedule is going to turn into this: Work from 9-5, get home at 5:30 eat dinner and then take a nap until 9 or 10 and Write the evening away... I don't think I can write before 10. Sound Crazy? I'm just trying it out, because I want to be a writer, and that means I'll be working 9-5's for a while. I'll keep my weekends free for socializing. We'll see how this routine goes. I had a 2 hour nap today.
Maybe one day I'll be paid to write! Oh Glory. Who knows...
Okay, I'ma get to it. Janet Bham will be calling any second...
After reading Lisa and Christy's blogs, I decided to make mine a bit more like some of theirs today--more journal like, if you will. I think it's time for a general update. I've been doing my 9-5 with the Grasshoppers. The big difference between this week and last week is that now I have co-workers. The first is a girl from Nova Scotia who did grad work in the school of natural resources. There is one more grad student, a guy, but I haven't really met him yet... The third is an undergrad bio/tuba major, also a guy. I like having co-workers. It makes the day less lonely, and I'm not imprisoned to my thoughts for so long. That was last week. I felt imprisoned to think deeply as I did the mindless work of organizing grasshoppers into alphabetical order according to species group and sub-species. Now my job is taking the grasshoppers, one by one, and entering them into a massive data base. Let me give you a little insight to how many grasshoppers this actually is. Each drawer has about 250-300. There are about 15 drawers per cabinet. There are 12 cabinets. In three days we entered 1000 grasshoppers in the database. So you see, it's very slow, and there's sooo much to do. I'll be doing it for the rest of May, and my co-workers will continue well after I'm gone. And we're just doing one of the many families of grasshoppers in the range (A range is a room full of collections). This week went by much slower than last week. Maybe it will speed up when I get more accustomed to it.
In my spare time (evenings) I've been doing research for the play I'm writing. I'm writing on my favorite subject: Detroit. Surprised? It's May now, so I'm starting the writing... It's based on an experience Lisa and I had in the DIA with James McNaughton and his girlfriend (JM is a teacher I had my freshman year. He started me on writing...) So I've been reading up on the Rivera Court Murals, and Henry Ford. The research is being morphed, now directed toward the auto-workers. I am not sure if my play is one of my many over-ambitions... Since I've started writing, I think my schedule is going to turn into this: Work from 9-5, get home at 5:30 eat dinner and then take a nap until 9 or 10 and Write the evening away... I don't think I can write before 10. Sound Crazy? I'm just trying it out, because I want to be a writer, and that means I'll be working 9-5's for a while. I'll keep my weekends free for socializing. We'll see how this routine goes. I had a 2 hour nap today.
Maybe one day I'll be paid to write! Oh Glory. Who knows...
Okay, I'ma get to it. Janet Bham will be calling any second...
Friday, April 25, 2003
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Like an old dusty road
I get weary from the load
Movin' on, movin' on
Like this tired troubled earth
I've been rollin' since my birth
Movin' on, movin' on
There's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run
There's a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun
~Stevie Wonder PLACE IN THE SUN
Today as I was sorting bugs (That's my new job!) I heard this song, I mean really heard it, for the first time. It really hit me at the right time. That's how my life feels... "movin' on movin' on." CS Lewis said feelings come and go. I'm read for this general feeling of weight to flee. Before my life is done, hopefully... I know it will.
I get weary from the load
Movin' on, movin' on
Like this tired troubled earth
I've been rollin' since my birth
Movin' on, movin' on
There's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run
There's a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun
~Stevie Wonder PLACE IN THE SUN
Today as I was sorting bugs (That's my new job!) I heard this song, I mean really heard it, for the first time. It really hit me at the right time. That's how my life feels... "movin' on movin' on." CS Lewis said feelings come and go. I'm read for this general feeling of weight to flee. Before my life is done, hopefully... I know it will.
