NOW

Okay, sorry people. I have news.

Last week, Monday, the mailman traded the check I had for my summer trip to South Africa for a rejection letter from the Fulbright people. So, I didn't get it. I'm taking the trip to South Africa anyway. Who the hell would pass that up?

The good news is, I've been happy!

Don't ask me about my plans. I don't have them and I am damned proud of it. I decided to stop living in the future. I hope she won't get mad at me when I write this next bit, but something Lisa prompted me to say must be documented. On Sunday we went to see my friend Dan Kahn play at a crowded brewery in Detroit... I was standing on a chair so I could see (it was that crowded). Lisa was explaining to someone (was it me?) that her life begins in August, after the campout. She means that the new path she's on, her teaching internship and masters degree, starts then. But when I heard "My life begins in August," I stomped on the chair and yelled, "My life begins NOW!"

I like that.

Don't worry, the place was loud and hardly anyone turned and looked.

I've been happy. I got another job, running props at the JET's new show, "Brighton Beach Memoirs." For someone who has quit theater, I do an awful lot of it. I really haven't stopped since February. So now I'm in rehearsal for that. I'm splitting the job with my friend Annie that I met in Anne Frank (she played Charlie in Manny). I'm very grateful for her helping me to get that job because I need money. I've also been getting about 30 hours at JCP, so I'm making much more money for May and June than I had expected. I should be set for my trip and just about ready to move out by the post-campout period.

Move out where? I'm not going to answer that! I live in now, now. (Detroit, Wayne State area, as of NOW... :P). I have been putting away JCP stuff and dreaming about having my own little tiny place that I can pull out my guitar, my computer, or my monologues and not have to deal with anyone listening. I want to live alone so bad. And it's so practical! But we'll see what opens up. For all I know I might fall in love with South Africa during my three weeks there and move there.

The Lord is taking good care of me, putting good people in my life. I left Manny in the Mirror knowing that I've never worked with such love amongst a cast before. Theater has brought me piles of friends around here... so that's why I want to stick around. And I get to do theater here. I like the idea that I'm using my degree. But it's the people, mostly.

The night I found out the disappointing news, I called Joel and he read me poetry to make me laugh. I think the first time I laughed all night was when he read the first poem, which goes:

Don't be angry
I'm in bed thinking
Of you at work.

(That's the whole poem.)

Today I recited that for the ladies at JC Penney's and they ate it up. The breakroom shook with laughter. It was the perfect place to share those perfect three lines. But anyway, I'm greatful for Joel for being for me then. I have what I need when I need it. And if you don't know Joel Mitchell, you should.

I've been living in poetry. Writing songs, writing poems, reading poems. I've fallen in love with words again. I think writing puts me in "now" more than anything. It's much easier to write when I'm just enjoying what's around me. And I have been! I've been more self-entertained than ever. I've enjoyed entire days, even those in retail, because I've been noticing things more and laughing more.

The Lord has been very good to me, as they say. I'm starting my day reading Matthew and then I find that I'm thinking about Jesus all day, the things he's done in that book. For example, I read today about when Jesus asks Peter to drop his fishing career and follow Him. As a result, Peter would be surrounded by people to love, as a "fisher of men" (people laugh at that verse, I do all the time, but I'm seeing what it means now, more than ever.) I've decided to follow Jesus instead of leaning on my own understanding. I've been trusting Him and dumping the idea of planning out my future. As a result, my life has been filled with people to love. And that's what being a fisher of men is--loving one another, as Jesus loves us. I've been crazy about Jesus and know it's no coincidence that I'm crazy about people too. And it's no coincidence that in being in love with Jesus and people, I've been in love with life.

Life is good. That ain't no lie.

Manny Info

Sorry I made you all miss the first weekend.

WHAT: Manny and the Mirror, a Rock Opera
WHEN: The last two weekends in April, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
HOW MUCH: Thurs and Fri--$10. Saturday--$15
WHERE: The Planet Ant Theater.

Get off of 75 at the Holbrook/Caniff exit. If you're coming from 75 North (coming from the South... Confusing!), drive along the Chrysler service drive for a bit and turn Right on Caniff. If you're coming from 75 South, that is, coming from the Northward direction, turn Left on Caniff almost immediately after you exit.
Once you're on Caniff. Drive straight until you see a purple building with an ant painted in the side. It's on your left. There will be the Hamtramk library on your right. You'll see the Ant. It's purple. Park for free on the street or in the library lot.

WHO: I'm playing a siren/13 year old church girl. They are not two characters, they are the same person, I'm pretty sure. Don't come to gain insight and understanding in the storyline. Rather, come to ROCK OUT!

MORE INFO: planetant.com

A Damned Good Day.

Today was so perfect that I think I should go to bed before something bad happens.

I woke up at Lisa's and had breakfast for the first time in a long time, it seems. My first obligation was to help Blair with the poetry workshop at Hannan House. The people there were a trip up the old staircase (as I like to say). We wrote letter poems to our feet! Every poem was quite different, as you would imagine. Most of the poems were asking the feet why they don't cooperate. I wrote one asking my feet not to cooperate with my mind--to get me out of bed in the morning so I wouldn't lie there thinking about things I can't help. Confused? Maybe it was one of those "You had to be there"s.

Then I had three hours to kill before rehearsal, also by Wayne State (in a Woodbridge Apartment). So first I walked to Barnes and Noble and bought Hedwig and the Angry Inch (I want to put a song from there on a "Roadtrip Reflection" CD Lisa and I are vainly putting together... It has songs that to us resemble our experiences at each stop. I would tell you which Hedwig song, and which location, but it's the only choice I feel guilty about!). Nate's old boss, Reggie, helped me find the CD. I really love Reggie (I've talked to him twice), and it was worth the walk down there.

Then I went to the Meetery Eatery Coffee House on Woodward and worked on a short story for about an hour and a half. My friend Joel from Anne Frank exposed me to this place. It's very cute and maybe classy. They play really good background music--India Arie type stuff, jazzy black women voices and hip hop beats... Joel and I went there one day to see a poetry reading. After waiting an hour and a half and no poetry, we scadaddled over to the DFT to see ten minutes of a foreign film (We didn't pay because we have friends in high places). That was about a month ago or something... Today, after writing, I also studied a script that the kids at Maple (School with classes for Homeschoolers) are performing. I'm going to kind of take over the Robin Hood play that the 5-10 year olds are performing. Five year olds on stage? With Lines? You betcha... My first goal is to get them to slow the hell down. They all talk too quietly and too fast. But man are they cute. Anyway, so I prepared for this at the Meetery Eatery. And then I ran into Bethany Patterson (Who, by the way, is in my phone as BAD... This is because that's what appeared on my phone's screen when I typed her name in. I love it when she calls because BAD shows up. Ask me what you're in my phone as.)

Then I had rehearsal for Manny and the Mirror. We had our first run through and I decided that I really like a lot of the music in our little rock opera. Come see it! I'll make a post with performance details... Some day... When I have them. I learned today that Joel calls the show "Immanuel and his Looking Glass." He's not working on the show this year (they've put it one before, three times or something...), and Joel AD'd (I think?) previous productions. Anyway, hearing that he called it that made me miss him a lot.

Anyone want to go to a Tiger's game Saturday afternoon? Let me know! The more the merrier...

Happy Birthday Ian

My brother turns twenty-seven today. He's in Lansing this weekend working at their film festival, and then he returns to Chicago. Last Sunday I spent a lot of time with him--he came to the Walking Project walk in Detroit with me and then we drove out to my Aunt Judy's for Easter dinner. Those who know me know how much I love my brother...

I haven't lived with him for over nine years. It's very easy to love someone who you don't live with. Do you ever notice that? Not to say that if I lived with him I wouldn't love him, but I probably wouldn't be as aware of it. Funny how that is.

Today was a "Listen to The Bends" kind of day: heavy, dark, chilling, and eventually cynical.

Once I was having a free-style writing session (we called it a "writing party") with Bethany Goad and Rebecca Ridenour and Bethany wrote something about how she felt when she listened to Radiohead that went something like this:

"I am the coolest girl alive because I'm listening to cool music. People pass me byon the way to class and look at me and they have no idea how cool I am..."

That recount of her words didn't capture the slightest hint of how hilarious a thing she really wrote... Good Lord do I miss her... But I was so amused by how she recorded Radiohead to make her feel when she listened to it. When I listen to them I feel like I'm listening to my tribe's background music--like I've touched some kind of dark reality. I feel relieved (in a way) that I can channel my cynicism through my ears. And yet, I guess I have to agree with "Bose" that I, too, feel pretty cool when I listen to them.

Photo of a Fiery Furnace

Today I read the story in Daniel (3) about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego getting thrown into the fiery furnace and it struck me as a pretty damn good reason not to fear anything. I actually got comfort in the idea of fearing the Lord... it became clear to me that there really is no reason to fear anyone else because He is so much greater. It's much better to obey Him and come out of this world unscorched than to disobey Him out of fear for the world.

It really is a powerful story--King Neb turns the furnace up 7x the regular heat--the beast was so hot that it killed the guards that threw the guys in just because they were standing close enough. I couldn't help but think, "Wow, this world does get pretty viscious..." But the three Jew-migos didn't even have the smell of fire on them when the "man who looked like the son of the gods" walked them out of that thing. What a great picture.

It's a picture of Hell, really. Stand too close and you're a goner. But even the threat of that instant death is no separation from the Deliverance of Jesus.

Maybe I can get over my allergy to the Old Testament if I look at it more as a photo album of what God does and what His power looks like... Of what Jesus looks like. It's full of great pictures of these things. Some of the pictures, though, I'll admit--I just don't understand. Yet. I don't understand them yet.

Some Forceful Thoughts (Watch Out...)

Last night at Dale Batten's Bible Study in Harrison Twp., I had this revelation:

The road to heaven isn't paved with good intentions, it's paved with relationships. If God opens doors and closes them, it's for the sake of relationships. I believe that if we allow Him to, God molds us into our white-stone self--IE, we are molded as creatures who reach their greatest potential. We're made in the image of God, so that is a pretty high potential. Meanwhile, the events in our life following Him resemble some intricate dance of interractions with people, or, as I say, relationships with people.

So why are Christians so exclusive? So divided? I believe the number one person excluded from the Church (in America?) is the "homosexual." A person should always feel comfortable in a Fellowship group, no matter what they identify themself as (or what society identifies them as...). If Jesus is truly at the gathering place of Believers, the homosexual person should be drawn there. How does the world know Jesus is in us? By the way we treat each other. That's what John says over and over in his letters. I have heard quite a bit of gay-bashing in my life, and it's always from the mouth of Christians. This infuriates me, because why are we focusing on one aspect of a person and then ripping it apart? Now if a person insists that a certain aspect of themselves be emphasized, that's one thing that we can't help, but I don't believe we should ever rip apart a person because of a choice they make. Who do we think we are, really? I think we are trying to be Judges. Well, we need to quit that because it really pisses Jesus off.

The book I'm reading is about politics and God--my two favorite subjects, the two most apalling subjects to bring up in public (though my circles dismiss the first and welcome the second subject into their conversations, it seems. Probably rightly so, but it IS nice to find a friend I can discuss both subjects with freely). The author, whose name is Jim Wallace, quoted some NY Preacher who said "Nobody gets into Heaven without a letter of recommendation from the poor." What do you all think of that? I think it's a fantastic image, really. I'm weighing that idea with the fact that there's a book sold in a Christian catalogue called "The Wall-Mart Way" that offers instructions on the Christ-like way to be a Wall-mart-like entreprenuer. (I have no idea how to spell entreprenuer. I don't really care, either, because I don't care to be associated with that word.)

I think the word poor can have a multitude of meanings. We need to love the poor and rich alike to keep on God's path. Eric Bibb puts it best:

"Walk with the rich
Walk with the poor
Learn from everyone
Thats what life is for..."

Isn't that what life is for? How can we learn unless we love? I have said this many times, I think. But it's ringing truer for me every day. And you know? I think one of the best things about being single is that it frees me up to love people on an equal plain... I don't have to pay more attention to one in particular. I will enjoy this while it lasts.

Today a ghost is born

"I'm going away
Where you will look for me
Where I'm going you cannot come
No one's ever gonna take my life from me
I lay it down
A ghost is born"

~Wilco, THEOLOGIANS

That's my song I "discovered" this week. And it's an Easter message! Today the ghost was born. I love ghosts, as many of you know, so that was a cool way to see Easter.

This year has been a big year for me, in terms of resurrection. I thought about resurrection and celebrated it all year long. Around this time last year I sort of discovered the law of resurrection--how life comes from death. It's been at the points when I have felt that I had nothing that life came pouring in. I have discovered that through the resurrection: the best art comes from suffering, the funniest comedy comes from sorrow, the truest friendships are the ones that were held through hardships. So you see, the resurrection law affects everyone.

And now we get to see it! Spring is the resurrection season--we get to see the dead rise all around us. In summer we'll forget how it snowed all through our March.

Happy resurrection day, everyone.

Quiz results

Here's the results from some quizzes I got the link from Ann Scharnhorst's blog. The first was to see what country I am. Of the 60 something possiblities of Nations that most resemble Nora Jean Bonner, I got:

You're
the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to
completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long
way to go.  You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each
other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of
beating each other about the head and torso.  Sometimes it works and sometimes
it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result.  But your heart
is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.
face="Times New Roman">Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

So... That's why I'm so damn patriotic these days!

Next, the State Quiz:
p>


You're Missouri!

An admirer of the works of Mark Twain and the steamboat lifestyle, you
are happiest when floating gently down the river. You have a strong sense of
independence, a reverence for saints, and even look up to discredited explorers. With all
these traditional influences, it's no surprise you're at the center of everyone you know,
and are even considered a gateway to the future. If only you could stop drinking the
world's worst beer, you'd be set.


Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I drink Rolling Rock. I guess that's not really quality. The Mark Twain part is right.

Finally, the book quiz:
p>


You're The Poisonwood Bible!

by Barbara Kingsolver

Deeply rooted in a religious background, you have since become both
isolated and schizophrenic. You were naively sure that your actions would help people,
but of course they were resistant to your message and ultimately disaster ensued. Since
you can see so many sides of the same issue, you are both wise beyond your years and
tied to worthless perspectives. If you were a type of waffle, it would be
Belgian.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

All I have to say about that is HAH. I think that one was the most right on, was it not? Too bad I can't get through that book...

I guess I should post the link to these quizzes:
http://bluepyramid.org/ia/

Let me know how you do...

Annex Part III

Today we had our most rowdy audience yet. I almost broke out of character during the Anne-Kisses-Peter scene, because each of their movements was interpreted vocally:

1) The bell tolls 9 o'Clock, and Anne is supposed to be out of the attic (where she is on her "date" with Peter)--the audience groans.
2) Anne moves past Peter and he doesn't kiss her--The audience groans louder.
3)Peter gives Anne a peck on the cheek--The audience groans even louder.
4) Anne gives Peter a huge smackeroo--The audience cheers.

Meanwhile, I'm looking at my crossword puzzle book, trying desperately not to laugh, or to discreetly glance at Seth the Stagehand who sits directly across from me, stage right (which would cause me to laugh more).

I'm noticing that it's getting a bit harder to focus during performances. Maybe I just need a break. Well, I have tomorrow off, a performance Sunday, Monday off, and then performances Tuesday through Friday. It's amazing how fast this process went by...

And Another One

I have another performance project underway--I'm in an original rock musical called Manny in the Mirror. The person who wrote it is in Anne Frank with me (he plays Krahler, for those who know the show). We're performing at the Planet Ant theater in Hamtramk. Performances are mid April through Mid May. I play some kind of Siren--who is also a 13 year old church girl or something. More information will be posted when I know what it is I'm doing...

Annex Update P. 2

Today's show went terribly. I dropped lines a couple times, and I don't have that many lines to begin with... Roger and Mark from my neighborhood theater came and saw me today too, which was very sweet of them but I wish I'd given them a better performance. I think I was jinxed... I made a sarcastic remark before the show about how I was going to refuse to take anymore notes because my performance was perfect. I was joking! But I just couldn't get into it today.

We only had one school come but there was a talk-back. The two teachers that were there asked 99% of the questions. That was a bit annoying. I think those kids just wanted to leave. I was too miserable to answer any of the questions, because I felt so lousy about my performance. I wished I could have answered the question about "should someone who wants to be an actor study theater in college?" I would have appalled them with the answer "Not all actors should go to school. School isn't for everyone." But I couldn't say that because Mr. Van Daan already had put in his 10 cents about why school is necessary. There was also the question, what should someone DO if they want to be an actor? What was our advice? I said nothing, but here is my advice: Get your self-worth from a source outside of theater. Know that theater will never love you as much as you love theater. I wonder what the 12-14 year olds would have thought of that. I guess it's good I didn't answer the question. I mean, who wants to listen to a bitter (old) actress?

Secrets of the Annex (P. 1?)

We opened the show today. I'm in the Diary of Anne Frank for those who forgot, playing Anne's sister Margot. The crowd was kids, rowdy ones at that.

When the show opens, I'm the first person you see as the curtain rises--they sent Margot before the other Franks because she was called up by the Nazis (that's why the family went into hiding). I could hear the rumbling of youngsters on the other side of the curtain before it rose. They were pretty rowdy during the whole show, very vocally responsive during the scene where Anne and Peter kiss. I guess I didn't mind it too much be cause I liked to hear them express their reactions. Why do we have theater, anyway? So we can supress reactions? I found comfort in their hoots,really I did. "They are there,"I thought while sitting on the couch and pretending not to hear them while the scene was going on behind me. "They are there and they are alive."

I should say that at the end of the play they were completely silent. That said something too... In fact, if they weren't so rowdy for the rest, we wouldn't have seen the impact of the last scene.

Here's the funny story of the performance: The person that brings us things in the play, Miep, comes in and tells us about the British Invasion of Europe. SHe puts a map on the table and all the kids (anne, peter, and me) look over her shoulder at it. Today she couldn't find the map, so instead, she brought out a poster that had this huge picture of a puppet on it, a clown puppet. The girl who plays Anne, Sara, and I started cracking up. We just let the laughter out. It seemed appropriate to let the Frank gals get a good laugh in before the show was over. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion any how...

As a result of the missing map, we got this new piece of dialogue:
MIEP: Look! I brought a map!
ANNE: (Dead Pan): Yes, you sure did.

Well, that was the first performance. Maybe I'll have something to document from each one. Or at least a few more...

Security

I went to see the Soweto Gospel Choir last night. I am ready to go to South Africa now! They performed the most wonderful rendition of "Amazing Grace" I've ever heard. Funny how I can hear a song about a billion times and then on the billion and first time, it makes me cry. I cried at this line:

"The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures."

It's so good to have the Lord to trust. It's so good.

Arthur Miller died today. He was 89. He shook my hand once, and told me good luck.

Tis so Sweet

I went to Will Lawson's funeral yesterday. I cried when my uncle paul sang,

"I'm so glad I learned to trust Thee
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
And I know that Thou art with me
Will be with me till the end.

Jesus, Jesus, How I trust Him
How I've proved him o'er and o'er
Jesus Jesus, Precious Jesus
O For grace to Trust Him more."

What would this world be like with out Jesus to trust? With death and no Jesus... What would this time of my life be like? I don't even want to think about it, but I think it has something to do with panic.

That Old U2 Theology

It's starting to speak to me now! The new U2 Album is what I'm referring to. Here's the first song to speak to me. It's called

"One Step Closer"

I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I call my own

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer slowing?

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing, to knowing

Can you believe this stuff? "A heart that hurts is a heart that beats." I'm hurting, so must be alive. It's good to be alive--that much I'm closer to knowing. The song reminds me that Jesus works in our broken hearts, teaches us more about Himself. I'm still waiting for resurrection from this gloom, but at least I'm one step closer.

UPdate

I've been taking my time to update, because I hadn't anything good to say until now. I only had the negative news: Nate and I broke up on Sunday. I'm grieving, as you could guess I would be by reading my recent entries. I've been working through the loss, trying to figure out how to deal with myself now. I miss him terribly (though I must mention that our break-up was high spirited, we both felt like it was the best thing to do at this time.) We want time to get to know each other as good friends, since we never really had that time. We are both uncertain about our future together and don't feel like we know each other well enough to trust one another through the grit we've been facing. Meanwhile, we decided to take the next 10 days away from each other, without communicating. This has been so hard for me because I miss him so much.

So, I spent the last three days, as I've said, in a deep grieving state. I only had JC Penney's to do--lots of time to think and grieve. I'd go home and cry a bit over my loss. Sleep has been hard, eating too. But today I started on what I think will be a path of my revitalization.

To be single is not a bad thing. I remember being single last summer and having joy in that state--there is joy in singleness. Focus is a blessing that comes with singleness. It's a time to be useful.

I started my project with Walk and Squawk, collecting stories from elderly Detroiters at the Hannan House. We had a poetry workshop with a local spoken-word artist named Blair. Blair's income is Art. He makes a living at it! What an inspiration. He pays his bills by performing with has band and teaching poetry four times a week at Cass Tech HS. He's going to be performing in the Walking Project--the show I'm going to South Africa with in May or June. The workshop's particpants were a delightful group. I am very excited about being part of this project. Love for my city burst forth during the session.

After Hannan House, I headed over to my old high school and helped coach a Forensics Duo. They were doing a James Baldwin piece called the "Amen Corner." The kids I worked with were sweet and attentive and talented. It was gratifying to be able to relate some of my theater training to their work. I'll be returning there tomorrow after the funeral.

I left DSA, my HS, with such a sense of usefulness. Yes, I still ache for Nate. But today I didn't have to sit in my room and cry about it. The feeling of renewal started this morning when I cleaned the snow off of my car. "Look, I am doing this," I told myself. "I am single and I can get by on my own." I don't know what will happen with my future, in terms of relationships, guys, being in love. But today I am single and today I am useful.

One more thing I should mention: Blair told me that before the Walking Project goes to South Africa, they will take a week and perform it in London. He asked if I was coming... So, London may be in the future for me! I have always wanted to go there... The trip is contingent (sp? on my funds. Anyone willing to donate money?

--
My grandma just called, in a frantic state. My mother is supposed to pick her up in about fifteen minutes and take her to a funeral visitation. "Tell your mother I'm sorry but I lost track of time. I was painting and now I'm running late. Tell her to make it quarter after now, instead of quarter till..." I handed the phone to my mom and then returned to this blog entry smiling: The woman is 84, and she still gets wrapped up in her painting and loses track of time. She has been single most of her life, but she has found joy in what she does. She is still single, and still useful. I hope, in this way, I will end up like her.

Who Am I

Diane Martin read this is Church today. It's a poem Bonhoeffer wrote in prison.
---
Who am I? They often tell me I would step from my cell's confinement calmly, cheerfully, firmly, like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me I would talk to my warden freely and friendly and clearly, as though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me I would bear the days of misfortune equably, smilingly, proudly, like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of, or am I only what I know of myself, restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, thirsting for
words of kindness, for neighborliness, trembling with anger at despotisms and petty humiliation, tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, faint and ready to say farewell to it all.
Who am I? This or the other? Am I one person today, and tomorrow another? Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? Or is something within me still like a beaten army, fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine.

---
I was a little shocked at how much I could relate to this, especially with the goings-on of late. My path is rocky right now, yes, but this knowledge: that I am God's, that He knows I am His, even when I don't know---this is what will carry me through these times.

here we go again

When I turn on my phone the message "here we go again" comes up. I wrote that, of course. What does it tell you? That my life has been mundane, I guess.

Life hasn't really been mundane. My tendency towards depression has kept things interesting. Earlier last week, I was faced with the choice this week to either cut off my relationship with Nate or to work things out. We opted to work things out. I had outside help in coming to this conclusion on my end. I was so exhausted emotionally that I just wanted to call it quits, and then move up north to a cave somewhere, learn how to hunt edible vermin and how build a fire to cook the vermin, pack a few books, and basically not have to put effort into human relationships again. Hermitage sounded ideal. For a few days our relationship died. I think it's been resurrected.

I hung out with Nate for a little while today. I felt a little like Eric Bibb when he sings, "we go together like a porch and a rocking chair." Nate is the medium in which I have experienced much healing. I feel like God is teaching us the same lessons, about leaving room for His plan in our plans. I only sat with Nate for a little while, but was filled with comfort. And joy. And Christmas, I guess. As you see, it's hard to explain. I felt kind of like how I used to feel after entering my house after a week at the campout --that feeling of embracing civilzation after a week in the woods; carpet, flushable toilets, clean sheets, and showers. Today I felt awake to what was around me--the cigarette and coffee smells of the Cafe du Marquis, the feel of Nate's hand, the rumble of conversation around us. We didn't say much, but I just felt so comfortable.

All right, my mind is drifting. I'm having a hard time writing. I guess what I wanted to say most of all was that, outwardly my life seems about as normal as ever right now: no play, no project, just JC Penney, a boyfriend, friends, and Bible studies. But inwardly, woven into all these things are stories to keep me occupied. "The bottom line," my Penney's store manager likes to repeat. The bottom line is, you can take the girl outta drama, but you can't take the drama out of the girl. I guess I can live with that.

Sore Feet

It took me 10 mins to clean off my car this morning, 30 to get to JC Penney's. Instead of growls from those higher than me on the Penney's totem pole, I got applause for showing up at all. I work in the home department, and most of our crew didn't show up for work because of the snow.

My feet hurt; they aren't just sore, they ache all the way to my knees. This ache crawls up my back and neck and behind my eyes and into my brain and then comes out in crabby dialogue with my family. I want a massage. A vacation, rather.

Teacher's don't work during Christmas week--at least, not Christmas Eve. I will tomorrow. My body will be working, but I will be thinking. I'll go through twenty story ideas that will never make it to my fingertips (onto paper, a screen, or even the air outside my head to tell someone, because I work alone now.) Today I started to make up a story in my head, but the story turned into dialogue with old boyfriends. Good Grief. Anyway, I want to be a teacher.

I don't mean to complain, but to document this feeling--this moment of sore feet--because some day I will be a teacher, or something else. Hopefully this will be the last Christmas in Retail, so help me God. And then I can look back and say "Yeah, that sucked. Glad I'm not there any more."

One more day of work, and then I have three days off.

When I got out of the store at 5:05pm today, the sky was bright blue and streaked with pink clouds. I climbed into my salted Stanley car and recognized the sky as a sign that the world outside the department store, the bigger picture, was much more beautiful than the smaller inside world that I occupy for most of my day.

To Quote John Garrett...

Today I babysat John Garrett (2 years old) and as soon as I got there he asked me to read him some books. We read one called Corduroy's Christmas Flip the Flap book or something like that, where you flip open the little flaps to reveal the illustrated Christmas joys. On the first page, you had to "open" Corduroy's Christmas decoration boxes and try to find the angel to go on top of the little bear's Christmas tree. As John opened the boxes, he would yell out what they contained:
"Angel!"
"Candy Canes!"
"Vitamins!"

Vitamins?

"No, John, those are ornaments..."

"Ornaments!"

Drawers for Cribs

Yesterday Nate told me that when he was a baby, his parents lived in an apartment, and his room was actually a closet with a dresser. He slept in one of the drawers as a crib. And when he cried his parents would shut the drawer. No, he was kidding about that, but he really did sleep in a drawer.

alive, yes, but tired.

Hello devoted readers... if there are any. Lisa Czapski updated her blog, about a month ago, and has inspired me to write in this thing again, just in case someone checks it.

Last you heard, I was:
1)Going to Switzerland
2)Learning French
3)Tap Dancing
4)Tutoring Korean Kids
5)Applying for a Fulbright
6)Dating Nate
7)Following Jesus
8)Quitting Smoking

Well... Since then I have:
1)Decided not to go to Switzerland
2)Ditched French
3)Stopped Tap Dancing
4)Quit Tutoring
5)Applied for the Fulbright
6)Stayed with Nate
7)Still an adherent, of course (of course? hm. yeah. yes, of course.)
8) Uh...

1)I joined forces with a theater group called Walk and Squawk--the very group that introduced me to my Fulbright Connection in South Africa. I decided that instead of joining them for a month and then saying "Nice to meet you, now I gotta split..." I would stick around. They are doing the exact kinds of work I proposed to do in South Africa. The money I saved up is now going toward a trip to Durban this summer with the group. In January I will start a story collection with them in the Cass Corridor, but right now I am helping put together a Humanities Convening in Detroit for 2006.

2) No more Francais for me. I got busy with other stuff, like I was just in a play called Flowers for Algernon.

3)I hurt my knee, and then I got a job at JC Penneys that sometimes scheduled me during the class (now they schedule me M-F, 5-11am. LORD HELP ME. This is why I'm tired. I have to get up at 4am). I may start up again after the New Year. I'd like to... We'll see.

4)I gave the job to Jenni when she got back from her honeymoon, because I was just too busy with the play and work and babysitting and Walk and Squawk. Gosh I miss those kids though.

5)Done applied already... Now I'm waiting to hear back. I will know if I did not make the first "cut" at the end of January. If I do get the Fulbright, I will be gone from Jan-Nov, 2006. If I don't, I'm applying for Grad School and Moving Out.

6)Yes, of course. Who wouldn't stay with a guy who interrupts you while you're talking to sigh and say, "I love the sound of your voice" ? (HAH, we'll see how long he loves it, because Lord Knows, I can talk.)

7)Yep, still following Jesus, and still learning things about Him.

8) I haven't smoked in a week! Hahahaha.

OTHER NEWS:
9)In February I will be playing Margot in the Jewish Ensemble Theater's annual remount of Diary of Anne Frank

It's probably good that I haven't updated in a while, because I'm sure that many of the blogs would've been chock-full of political acerbity. But don't worry if you feel bad for missing it... I'm pretty sure there will be for more years of my attitude problem documented.

Tappa Tappa Tappa

I found Otis.

I googled his name and then found that he was teaching tap at the Motor City Dance Factory. I took one lesson there, but it was too easy, so now I'm in an intermediate class that meets in Otis' basement. That class was almost too hard... But I'm so glad to be tapping again. Hurray, Hurray.

OTHER NEWS:

The Fulbright Application is in. Now whether or not I'm going to South Africa is not in my hands.

I'm in a play. It's called Flowers for Algernon. You may know it--a retarded guy gets a miracle cure and becomes a genius, falls in love with his teacher, visits his parents who don't remember him, and the cure fades out and he goes back to being retarded. I play the teacher. It's at Rosedale Park Players (my neighborhood theater) and goes up before Thanksgiving in November. Let me know if you want to come and I'll keep you posted.

I'm still tutoring and I may start working at JC Penny's. I have an interview on Monday.

That's all folks.

Hop shuffle hop, slap step-step

___________ and Chocolate Milk

I went to Chicago last weekend with Nate. We quit smoking together while we were there, gradually weaning ourselves of the cigarettes. I haven't smoked since Tuesday and then I only had half a cigarette. I spent Wednesday and Thursday warding off cravings with gum and I spent Friday with a sore jaw.

I cried once on Thursday night when I was drafting my Fulbright proposal. I couldn't get more than two sentences out and cigarettes are a quick fix for my writer's block. Today I cried again, after I'd spent four hours straight writing another draft and my mother had found tons of mistakes and pointed out that my opening paragraph needed to be re-written (the very paragraph that blocked me into tears on Thursday.)

A couple of my friends call Nate a Sunshine Boy. This means that he is happy--almost never sad. He is enthusiastic and fun, gorgeous and kind and, yep, bery very happy. This compliments my instability and tendency to dip to emotional lows pretty well. But he can't understand why its much harder for me to quit smoking than it is for him. I get frustrated with a paragraph and, without a cigarette, put my head down and try to collect my thoughts. But my thoughts don't collect, they bleed into harsher thoughts and I can't get them to stop, so soon I'm no longer dripping tears of writer's block frustration, but sobbing tears of anguish at what a difficult person I am, at how I am a walking nightmare to anyone who wants to get close to me, at why and how I possibly could have ended up this way.

I told myself that I can sort my thoughts through another means than smoking. Like, playing the guitar and maybe writing a song. ENNNNGH. No. It doesn't work. I still feel like crying and if I start I can't stop. Crying leaves me feeling exhausted and helpless. Smoking leaves me feeling stable and perhaps indifferent. Is this what anti-depressants do?

My parents are downstairs avoiding me like the plague. "Nora's crying, let's get the helloutta here!" My boyfriend and Lisa are going to be here soon, and I'm afraid that when they see my mood they are going to want to run, too.

Anyway, I quit smoking. Aren't you proud?

(I'll write again when I'm feeling more positive... Sorry people.)

Post Campout Extravaganza Update

Hello faithful readers. Long time no see, sorry. I just got back from the Northwest Fellowship Campout. Lots has been going on.

My mother broke her arm and pulled her shoulder out of joint. Now she's recovering and has never been in so much pain. Prayers for her are appreciated.

I moved out of AA and into the D. This has been kind of rough for me but I've been thinking about that beatles song, "you say good-bye, and I say hello." I've said good-bye to one life and on to the next phase.

I have a boyfriend. Many of you know him, Nate Rivard. This happened on the campout. I'm pretty excited about this, I think it's going to last, Switzerland and all. He was really seeing things about Jesus at the campout and so that has been thrilling for me. We've been friends for a while, but he decided, after a week of living with me in the woods, that it was okay to tell me he liked me. I said, "I like you too" (which I doubt was any sort of surprise to him) and then we prayed about it. What's nice about getting a boyfriend after a week devoid of showering, is that you know that he's seen you at your absolute worst--sanitation-wise--so it must be something real (The only showers I got were baths, in a river. I did this by choice).
He has an amazing family--three siblings and really cool parents (all believers), and I'm happy that they are going to be a part of my life. Nate, for those who don't know, is a rock-star (okay, maybe not a star yet, but he is to me...) He's in a band called Ace and Asher, and they are really fantastic. I'm looking forward to seeing them play frequently. I hope they last a while.
How did I meet Nate? I sort of grew up with him--I met him through family friends. They belong to the web of metro Detroit christian fellowship. I've known him since I was probably 15, but didn't really start getting to know him until Memorial Day this year. My friend Xander brought him to the NWF picnic, and we were hanging out there, but we have just been friends since.
The other night, when we started going out, he told me he really wants to encourage my relationship with Jesus, which has given me a strong sense of security in him. More about him... Let's see. Besides the fact that he's one of the most caring and considerate people I know, I am happy to tell you that he was an Eagle-Scout. Translation: he's a handy guy. He knows stuff like how to make camp fires and survive plagues. I don't know about plagues, but at least he can survive the wilderness. He's an adventurous guy as well, and I think we're just going to have a lot of fun together. A while back his mother told me that she knew her husband was it when she realized she felt at home with him. Well, I don't know what God has in store, but I can definitely say that I feel at home with Nate. I'm taking this one seriously. Oh, one more thang. He's also an NJ. His middle name is John, so he's Nathaniel John and I'm Nora Jean. I'm Nojay and he's Najay. Okay. I'll stop.

Jenni's wedding is on Saturday. AH!!!! I'm thrilled and stressed about it. So I'm making trips back and forth from AA all week, coming home to my invalid mother.

At the campout, I made this realization: I have a lot of regrets, but one thing I have not regrets about is deciding to follow Jesus. He has never let me down. I've let Him down, sure, but He has been so faithful to me. I'm sure that it probably has something to do with God that I'm not doing theater and my life has taken a few swings and had some misses, but He's been guiding me and I don't regret that.

Here's something I realized at the campout, too. There's a verse in Hebrews that says He's the author and perfector of our faith. I was riding back to Oscoda when I asked God to be the author of my story--that I wanted Him to run the plot and develop my character. But then I wanted to know what the title would be. Would it be, "How Nora Went From Theater to Writing"? Or maybe, "How Nora Saved Detroit," or "How Nora fell in love with Nate Rivard." But then I made the realization of what my story is called. "My Faith." He's the author and perfector of "Our Faith." This made me laugh, but I like it. I know that God doesn't add uneccessary details, that he makes all parts of the story fit into the flow of my faith, the tight theme. And the story never ends, when he's writing it. That's cool to me.

Okay, I'm going to try to figure out how to post a picture of Mr. Nate on here, but if I don't, you can see a slide show of Big Doings on Bigdoings.com Nate is the guy with the bass in the first picture, singing with Ace and Asher. I think it's the first... one of them.

Thanks for reading this epic entry.

A Story About One of My Kids

On Friday I tutored Paul, age 8. When I met Paul I was introduced to him as "Pole" by a previous family's mother. "Are you sure his name isn't Paul?" I asked. "No. Pole," she reiterated. It wasn't until I met him and had him write out his name that I knew his name was Paul. Many of these families are Christian, so I asked him if he knew where his name came from. "He has two names..." the boy told me. So I guess they are Christian.

Okay, so I use Mad Libs as a teaching tool because it helps the kids learn their nouns and verbs adjectives and adverbs. Usually the kids take forever telling me the part of speech I ask for--like any english speaking american.
"Verb."
Uh... "Running. I mean..." Uh.... "Squat"
Not Paul. He thought this game was a race. I'd say, noun and then he would start to shoot them off his tongue as fast as they'd come. "Shirt! Bed! Stone! Cloud! Sun!" So I'd just choose the one that was funniest in the text. When I read it back to him he cracked up to tears. It was a joyful tutoring session indeed.

Revelation

Today I find comfort in the idea that, though I am far from perfect, I would be a lot worse off if it weren't for Jesus.

I think I should take time, since I've mentioned the rehearsal dinner, to say that the wedding last night was beautiful and very reflecting of Emily and Alex. The secret to a good wedding is do as few of the cliche's as possible. No garters at my wedding. No throwing the bouquet. Pick the ones you like. If you like dancing, do dancing. But you don't need the bubbles.

The Loney wedding was elegant and simple--nothing real complicated and everything seemed to fit well. The music during the ceremony was classical. It was nice to hear John Downer play his trumpet--I hadn't. There was a small orchestra, a quintet? And Ian sang some Handel. The gowns were pretty and also simple. I was impressed with the suits (I think I just like guys in suits. This is weird to acknowledge...) though the poor groomsmen were were too hot, as in temperature, as in sweating, in them.

Ian and I MC'd the reception. We think we are funnier than we are, and this was apparent. We saw early on that our brand of clever wasn't really hitting home with the "audience," so we kept it simple. For instance:

IAN: Many of you have asked us what it meant that we were mistress and master of ceremony tonight. Nora, what does that mean?
NORA: It means that this is a hostile take-over and the wedding is ours.

...dribbles of laughter...

IAN: Just kidding
NORA: We were kidding.

It's weird to see Ian and Nora written and not be talking about Ian Bonner.

The music was provided by the Steve Sharp Quartet--Swing Standards and Jazz music. Very classy as well. Oh, the reception was at Weber's. The Ceremony was at the Methodist Church on the corner of State and Huron.

I danced a little. I'm not too good at that, though I'd like to improve. Toward the end of the night I had a very interesting conversation with one of Alex's groomsmen, who took a lot of playwrighting courses here at UM with Oyamo. The kid looked like John Lennon, which was kind of weird. If you're going to look like a celebrity, though, that celebrity might as well be John Lennon. Anyway, I get such a kick out of talking to writers. I think once I got such a kick out of talking to actors. This is a weird thought.

Nice Wedding though. A nice reminder of God's relationship with the church. I guess marriage is good for SOMEthing... ;)

Some Cat Stevens

Lisa gave me a copy of Footsteps in the Dark. Here is the lyric that is with me today:

"But sometimes you have to moan when nothing seems to suit yer
But nevertheless you know you're locked towards the future

So on and on you go, the seconds tick the time out
There's so much left to know, and I'm on the road to findout"

I have felt like moaning all day. It's an interesting thing to think that sometimes we HAVE to do that. And that we're locked toward the future. No matter what happens or what has happened, we're only moving in one direction: forward. I guess the real question is are we moving on an upward plane or a downward spiral?

Last night I went to Emily Harris and Alex Loney's rehearsal dinner. This was a lovely gathering on the Huron River in one of Ann Arbor's Metro Parks. I don't know really where, Ian Drove. Rivers remind me of the campout or sadly and nostalgically, the roadtrip. Ian and I, as I may have mentioned, have the job of MCing the reception. I felt really honored to be there. The food was lovely and the wine was good--donated by Alex's uncle.
It's hard for me to admit to myself that I am old enough to be married. Maybe I am not, but some people my age are. I still feel very young, as I've said, and don't know what a husband would do with my scheming habit, a habit I am not ready to let go of.

I met with my favorite Irishman, James McNaughton, yesterday for coffee and had a blast chatting about how to get around Europe. Irish citizens have Europe and all its employment opportunities at their disposal. James was very encouraging about me learning French. "Oh, you'll pick it up after living there for a little while. It's easy." Yeah right, Mr. McNaughton. French is going to kick my ass in the challenge, but that's something my first English teacher here at UofM knows all about--kicking my ass in the challenge. This is a man who makes his incoming freshman study James Joyce as soon as they walk in the door. Well, anyway, it was a fun visit.

While I was at the Dinner my friend Tait asked me who I would dedicate my first book to. I said, depends on what that book is about. He said, "Your travels."
I said, "Around the country? Lisa."
He said, "Okay, how about on a private trip to Europe."
"Switzerland?" I said. He nodded. I told him my first book would be called "Neutral" about the land of no political stances. The book would be dedicated to Paul Simon, who has given us the lyric, "I have no opinion about that. I have no opinion about me."

Another Step Closer to Conquering the World

Life is still exciting out here in the big AA. Claudine Mamo called me with some job ideas in mind for my stay in Switzerland. Her brother-in-law owns a theater/jazz singing cafe in Lausanne. Her sister offered to set up a room for me in there. It's in the basement of a building that, apparently, according to Bill Mamo, looks like a castle. And it's in the center of the city, so I would be in walking distance of all the shops, etc. "It's nothing luxurious" says Claudine. To me, it sounds outrageously exciting. In return I would help out with the cafe. There is also a job opportunity for me to help tour youngsters around in the mountains as a teacher's aid type deal. This will require me to learn french phrases such as "not so close to the edge" or "come back" or "no, it's too cold to go swimming." This job would provide lodging for me as well, and food. I would be able to do that for the month of May. So, okay, here's the itinerary for my trip so far:
Jan 4-March 21--L'Abri
End of March, April--live in cafe, meet people and look for job opportunities
May--Hike with the kids
June and beyond--tentative
I believe that I will get a visa for January to November (or, if I have to get a year, a year, but I plan on returning before Christmas 2005), and hopefully opportunities will come up for work. Claudine mentioned I may get tutoring jobs teaching kids English. I am hoping to make some money so I can pay her sister for the place and for much of the food I'll be eating. Her sister has been very gracious in her offers though. I'm pretty excited about this. I should be forced to learn french, which is scary and good for me.

While I'm at L'Abri I will hear about the Fulbright. If I get the scholarship, I may come home earlier than November so I can get a job and make money to spend in South Africa. It's all up in the air about that. But the application process is coming along. I wrote a Fulbright advisor (called the "commission") in South Africa and heard back from him today. His name is Solomon. Hm, thought I. An advisor named Solomon. I made this connection mainly because I'm reading Proverbs. Anyway, Wise Solomon said I will need to apply at the University of Kwazulu-Natal as a Masters student in Theater Studies. The idea of being a grad student as early as 2006 is strange to me, but maybe by then I'll be ready.

Today I met Annette Masson, who is writing a letter of recommendation for my application. She was the dialects teacher for the theater dept. Turns out, she used to be on the Fulbright committee here at UofM, so she is full of good advice herself. Now I just need to continue specifying my proposal. Annette advised me to tell as many people as I can about what I plan to do there, as good practice for knowing what I want to do and sounding like I know what I'm doing for the interview portion of the application.

After seeing Annette, I tutored Paul and Gyu Rie, my two 8 yr old Korean kids. Then I went to see this woman read at Shaman Drum, who is a non-fiction writer. I bought her book (I'm such a splurge) because it sounded so good and interesting. She signed it and asked me if I was a writer and I said yes, fiction and non-fiction. She told me to look into her University where she teaches, in North Carolina, where they have a MFA Non Fiction program. After that I went to the Ann Arbor Brewering Company and saw my friend D. from the theater dept. She is a PhD candidate and she just got a Fulbright for Australia next January. She's going to Sydney tomorrow to work for two weeks with a theater company there. Then she's going to Helsinki for a theater conference. I have gotten to know here a bit in the past few months, and all her graduate student friends, which has been interesting. I still feel so young.

After D's going away party at the bar, I went to my friend Emily's bachelorette party. I had a good time. We played games and ate desserts. It wasn't all that raunchy, which is nice. I still think the bachelorette party would be the most nerve-wracking part about a wedding. I don't know why, it just really makes me uncomfortable to think about.

Okay, I'm going to bed. Sorry these updates are so sparse that they have to be so long.

One Step Closer to Conquering the World

Hello my faithful readers. There has been lots of goings-on around here. Let me tell you of more of the pipe-dreams that have been sprouting out as well of what has been occupying my time.

WHAT I GET PAID FOR:
Jamaican Jerk Pit: As my days here are winding down, I can only hope that I will never have to wait tables again. But the job, as a whole, has been good to me and there are not very many complaints. Working with Ian has been a blast, as well as with my co-worker Derrick, our only authentic Jamaican. Lisa, he wants to know when he will get to speak to you again. Haha. My Jamaican accent has improved considerably over the last couple of month

Tutoring Korean Children:
I had to let go of two of my kids today, Julie (8) and Sophia (11), as they are returning to Korea this weekend. This saddens me greatly, because of all the kids, I'd say they loved me the most. Or at least they pretended to love me the most (when I'd arrive at there home, they would fight about who would get to tutor first). They were delightful children and I am going to miss them. I did, however, pick another student up. He's a boy this time. Paul, age 8. I now tutor six hours a week--more than I have my in my whole experience with this job. I am finding my tutoring skills have come along way, and I am considering, one of these years before grad school, going over to Korea to teach English for a year. I might as well see an Asian country while I'm out conquering the world.

The Bug Range:
I still sort grasshoppers. I go when I can, which hasn't been that often lately. Hopefully I can get myself to go to that job more often because money is good.

WHAT I DON'T GET PAID FOR BUT IS TAKING UP MY TIME
Writer's Groups:
I've joined two writer's groups. Both are small and both welcome additional people, if you're interested. On Saturdays I meet Cat Williams, a friend through a friend who is becoming a good friend, at Espresso Royal on State Street at 1pm. We've only met once, but are trying to make it a weekly thing. And I think Kristina is joining us tomorrow, so I'm pretty excited about that. We exchange a draft a week, and during the meetings do writing excersizes. I also meet with a bi-weekly group of less-familiar faces on ever other Thursday at a different ERC on Plymouth Road. These group, I'm hoping, will help me really get cracking on my writing, an area in which I've been slacking wayyy too much lately. When I'm not writing I feel useless; just working and making money does not satisfy me.

The GRE:
I've been trying to learn how to take that damned test. I hate this world, mostly because of standardized tests. I'm hoping to be able to just get it over with so I can go travel and not think about it.

Big Doings:
I'm the only prose reader in this potluck/concert event. Nate and Xander and Charlie's band are playing. Erik Thor is playing. I'm pretty excited about this. I've been getting a piece together and so it's nice, like I said before, to be writing and have a project. Right now the thing's too long. I have 20 mins to read and I think I have about 40 mins of material. Hopefully my 1st writer's group will help me to cut cut cut.

Fulbright Application:
Do you know that part in "I know what I know" by Paul Simon when he asks the girl "aren't you the woman who was recently given a Fulbright?" Well, I'm applying for that scholarship to study over-seas. My destination (Godwilling) would be South Africa to study writing and do independent research in personal histories. My application process made huge strides today when I went downtown Detroit to see a performance by this group called Walk and Squawk who has close ties with South Africa. I found a woman there who is a theater professor at a University in Pietermaritzburg, Kwazulu Natal. She has agreed to help me narrow down my proposal and write a letter that I need to give to the Fulbright people stating that she wants to work with me in South Africa. The fact that I met this woman today is a shear miracle--I was about to give up this pipedream because I didn't know how I would make the necessary connections I would need to apply. Hopefully, these connections will be strong enough that even if I didn't get the Fulbright, I'd still maybe have an opportunity to go there for a while. The fact that I have met the connection face to face should help my application to shape and compete with the other kids trying to get Fulbright's to South Africa.

Weddings:
Emily Harris is getting married to Alex Loney in about a week or something? They have asked Ian and me to MC the Reception and Weber's. I'm looking forward to this and think it should be a fun event.
I'll be standing up in my roomate's wedding on August 21. The intense preparation period is in full swing and I live with a stressed couple of people. But I'm excited about this wedding too.

NEAR-FUTURE PLANS:
I'll be moving back to Detroit in the first week of August, and then I'll go to the NWF Campout August 6-13. When I get back to the D I will have to find a job so I can rake money in for my trip to Europe in January (I'm planning to go to L'Abri in Switzerland from Jan 4-March 21, and then depending on Fulbright results and personal funding, stay in Europe for as long as possible). I also will probably participate in some volunteer work with Walk and Squawk since their projects have really appealed to me: www.walksquawk.org I also aim to take the GRE in December, maybe? There's also all that passport and Visa stuff to settle.

FAR OFF PIPE DREAMS:
I still want to, eventually, apply to an MFA program in creative writing, but first I have been shooting around the idea of applying for a Master's degree in Urban Planning at UofM's architecture school. Of course, we'll see how I feel about this when I get back from travelling. Right now, I want to get out of here and stay out for a while.

Nightmares

"When you're young, you think everything you do is disposable. You move from now to know, crumpling time up in your hands, tossing things, and people too--leave them behind. You don't know yet the habit they have, of coming back.
...
Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been.
~Margaret Atwood, THE BLIND ASSASSIN

I've been having such dreams, meeting people I have tried to forget. I don't cry about them any more, in real time. Just in my dream's time. Is it possible that Christians make mistakes that they can never escape? Jesus shows us a new world, but do we ever get out of the old one? My life isn't over. Some how, I must believe, he reforms the old into something useful.

Though it hurts to remember, I must be persistant in prayer, in praying for those who I want to forget. If I am reminded of them, I can remember to pray.

" Smiles and laughter and pleasant times
There's love in the world but it's hard to find
I'm so glad I found you -- I'd just like to extend
An invitation to the festival of friends.

Some of us live and some of us die
Someday God's going to tell us why
Open your heart and grow with what life sends
That's your ticket to the festival of friends.

Like an imitation of a good thing past
These days of darkness surely will not last
Jesus was here and he's coming again
To lead us to his festival of friends.

Black snake highway -- sheet metal ballet
It's just so much snow on a summer day
Whatever happens, it's not the end
We'll meet again at the festival of friends. "

A little update

I've been keeping pretty busy. This weekend started when Rebecca Ridenour, Nate Rivard and his sister Rose came out here on Friday night. Rose went to a concert for much of the evening. The Bible study we usually have was cancelled because Niki and Jenni were up north for one of their three wedding showers. Rebecca, Nate, and I went and grabbed Thai food before heading over to Top of the Park for a free concert. My friend Dan met us there and we hung out until Rose called because her concert was over. then we all went back to my apartment and Bekah Brown joined us there for a game of that hot-potato/taboo thing--what's it called? Catch Phrase. It was a highly enjoyable evening.

On Saturday I worked at the Pit. In the morning, before work, Rebecca and I had a nice visit. We had our own Bible study (studying proverbs) and then we went over to the Farmer's Market so she could find a present for a graduation party. The pit was dull and slow, but there was one funny occurance. Right before we closed, this man and his wife walked in and ordered tea and a vegetable boat and started to ask me about how business was. I gave them the usual shpeal about how business was slow b/c the students were gone, but not too bad because we had a nice review in the paper. "How would you like to be in the Freepress?" he asked.
"You work for the Freepress?"
"I'm just enjoying a nice evening out." At 11:45pm. At the Jerk Pit. Hm.
I told him that I wanted to be a writer, but he wouldn't talk to me about his obvious job as a writer. He also mentioned that he had visited 6 restaurants that evening, so it was pretty clear that he was reviewing us. I wonder if he thought we were psycho.

Yesterday I faced the day with a mere 2 hours of sleep the previous evening. I went to church and stayed attentive for Randy Baxter's teaching. Then I met Nate and his family at the Detroit Festival of the Arts downtown. I LOVE MY CITY. The festival was fabulous. We saw this Cuban Jazz band play and that was probably my favorite part. Nate and Rose got up and danced the little bit of Salsa they learned together, which was fun to watch. Then their little sister, Emilie, was a but bummed that she didn't get to dance with him so he went up there with her too. The crowd was pleased. So, the group I was with at that point was Anne Rivard, Nate, Emilie, Rose, Greyson Buckingham, and Rebecca R. who came out with me. At about 4 the Rivards and Greyson left for a graduation party, and Rebecca and I ran into Jay and Scott from the Psalters, who were there playing with this guy named Ken Butler, who specializes in hybrid instruments (making guitars out of shovels and violins out of umbrellas, etc.) We watched them play, and then we went over to see Hugh Masekelah (sp?), a political South African trumpeter who was exiled during the Apartied.

After visiting with most of the Psalters band, I got to talking to this guy from Nigeria for a while and he gave me the scoop on South Africa. I've had a growing interest in apartied, so this was very cool for me. Then I went up closer to the stage and it started raining. This woman named Toni came up to me and shared her umbrella with me "Girl, you stand under here with me," she said. She was very sweet. Rebecca joined us later and we all started talking. Toni asked what my plans are (big surprise) and I told her about how I like to write about Detroit. She gave me some interesting resources and ideas for how to keep going with this collection of Detroit Essays I may or may not be working on. Anyway, talking to her was like a big kick in the ass to get cracking on my writing. I was really happy to talk to her. She was a believer, and kept encouraging me to keep going with my project and let the Spirit guide me. I miss this about the city. So many believers.

Rebecca and I decided to get going soon after we talked to Toni, and Nate called us to tell us to come over to his house in Royal Oak to watch the game, which we did. The Pistons won. Over all, it was a great day to be from the D.

At about 12:30am, I drove Rebecca to her car, still at the YWCA where my church meets. I was going to drive back to Ann Arbor, and I prayed before I left that God would protect me on the drive, I was soooo wiped out. And then I heard his voice say, "If you want to live to see tomorrow morning, I suggest you spend the night at your parents." 4 mins away instead of 35. So I did.

Calling all Narnia experts

Go to Narnia.com and take the "Test your knowledge" quiz about the Chronicles of Narnia. It's fun. :)

And did you know that Tilda Swinton'll be playing the White Witch in the Disney Movie?.... DISNEY movie?

RATE ME

On a scale from 1-10, 10 being masculine and 1 being feminine, which am I?

1.........................5........................10
Really girly / In the middle / Shoulda been a man.

Haha, this is a game i play with my friend Ben P. Just wondered what you all thought.

Political Mish Mash

Okay, so I don't know what it is specifically, but lately the politics news have really creeped me out. I think it's because I have created the habit of checking the CNN.com page in the past couple of weeks, and everything seems faulty. Why were there Army Officials who didn't say they were sorry about the abuse in the prisons, who actually came off like they were defending those who were guilty? Why did the CIA guy just quit, 3 mos. before the election? I try not to think about these things too much, but they're really getting under my skin.

Summer Reading

Now that I'm out of school (for a while) I'd like to remind myself of the freedom I have to read what I want and write what I want...

It's funny when "summer reading" becomes "well, if i don't finish it by the fall I can read it then!"

Not bad, people. Not bad.

More Romans

I have been reading Romans, obviously, and I read chapter 14 today. It was so good that I decided to post it, because I think this subject is something God has been teaching me about since I'vebeen following Him.

CHAPTER 14:
"1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. 2One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. "

I love how Paul calls vegetarians weak! Hahaha. I actually think that word is used because of some word translation problems... or maybe he just thought that it took more faith to eat a steak. It's funny that there's a part in the Bible that instructs how christians should treat vegetarians (and vegans...) But I love that line, "Who are you to judge someone else's servent?" If one man feels called to sacrifice something, be it rated R movies or pork chops, we are not to judge them. This was good for me to read, because I often shake my head at Christians who are always sacrificing things--shutting the world out, I call it.

"5One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. 8If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. "

That last verse here is priceless. If only we could live like that. WHETHER WE LIVE OR DIE, WE BELONG TO THE LORD.

"9For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. 10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat.
11It is written:
   " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord,
'every knee will bow before me;  every tongue will confess to God.' "[1]
12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. 14As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food[2] is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. 15If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. 16Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. "

DO NOT BY YOUR EATING DESTROY YOUR BROTHER FOR WHOM CHRIST DIED. Don't get nit-picky! We need to hear this constantly, I think. If only we'd all stop wasting our time on issues that didn't matter--can you imagine how unified the Church would be?

"19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall. 22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin. "

Keep your opinions between yourself and God. I think that's pretty damn good advice--though, that is my opinion... I love that idea though, that we should not "Condemn ourselves by what we approve." Way to go, Paul.

Renewing the Mind

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
~Paul (Letter to the Romans, Chapter 12, verse 2)


I've been thinking about this verse a lot lately. In my search for my future (that's what I think I'll call my scraping around for direction) this seems to me the only answer that gives me peace. My thoughts are slowing me down, causing me to waste time by complaining and having regret about things that just can't be helped at this point. My mind needs transformation.


This thought is one of the many rivers that flows into the ocean of following Jesus. Another important one is listening to his voice. But to listen we need to seek Him. We seek Him by calling out to Him. To hear Him we need to stay near Him. We stay near Him by obeying His Word.


Jesus promises us that if we seek His kingdom first, everything else will figure itself out. He'll take care of what brings us anxiety if we focus on Him and put Him first. None of this is possible until we examine who we are, what we're thinking about, and ask Him for renewal.


"You are my peace of mind, that old me is left behind"
~Lauryn Hill

Wild Obnoxious Behavior

put a theater major and a voice major together and you will get annoyance at high decibals.

I've been hanging around Ian Trevethan lately, and let me just say that my behavior level has gone down three notches. Ian's really into Miss McNeely stories lately, especially the ones about Beowulf, and so he likes to scream BEOwulf! at the top of his lungs at work when there are no customer's around. Hilarious, people--funnier than Hugo and his cucumbers. Anyway, so after work, at 1am, we rode around Ann Arbor and screamed at people from his car windows. What did we scream? "Hey, Grendel!" "Beowulf!" "Ecgetheow!" "Beaver!"

Pioneer HS had just gotten out of their prom, so we also yelled "Prom!"

Obviously, the reactions from these people are the best part of acting a fool. Some people would just give us looks, like, "did you say something to me?" But sometimes people, almost always males, would scream back something like "yeah!!" thinking we had said something like "Go Blue!" But no. We were saying "Grendel!"

Posts and Comments

Sorry, I didn't check the settings very well for the new blog. Apparently, I had it so you had to be registered to comment.

Not so anymore.

Fritos

I need to put this story down.

So, I was working at the pit, and this lady came in with this big paper bag full of groceries. She kind of wobbled in, stumbled in, and she was eating Fritos; when she spoke to me, Fritos poured from her lips and were bunched between her teeth. She ordered a half jerk chicken, regular french fries and some coleslaw. Is that how you spell coleslaw? We just write "slaw". Anyway, when I came back up to her (she was in the upstairs porion of our restaurant and the kitchen is downstairs) she was ripping away at a salad she had in her grocery bag. She dropped an empty Fritos bag and told me that she wanted Fritos. I told her we didn't sell those but she could buy them at the diag party store. And then she walked out of the door.

My boss was pretty annoyed that I hadn't had her pay right away, but oh well. Ian and I got a free dinner.

Hot Jerks

Hello again, Fair Reader. I hope you don't mind my new settings.I think they are slightly obnoxious, but whatever.

Today I woke up with a runny nose and the sniffles. Runny nose+Sniffles=redundant. Sorry. SO, I have to work from 5 to midnight tonight, that's a seven hour shift. Hopefully Ian and Derek will be working with me. Ian is a guarantee, Derek isn't. Derek is our genuine Jamaican (that phrase actually has alliteration in it.) Working with Derek means my Jamaican accent will improve. It also means that I may be recieving some life advice. Last time he gave me a lecture on why I should wait until I'm 30 to get married. I told told him, with the outlook the way it is right now, that shouldn't be a problem.

Achoo.

I haven't had a cold in what seems a while. But if you were planning on getting the jerk tonight, you may want to wait until the waiter is healthy.

Another side note, my favorite aspect of my job is asking the customers "how hot do you want your jerk?"

How hot do you want YOUR jerk?

this Simpson's lyric needs to be documented.

It's from a parody to Mary Poppins, except, this time her name is Cherry Bobbins. This is to the tune to "Spoonful of Sugar:"

if you cut every corner it is really not so bad
everybody does it, even mom and dad
if nobody sees it, then nobody gets mad
it's the American way

(Okay, since this worked so well the last time...)

PUNKY'S DILEMMA
What does this one mean?

And while we're here... how about:
THE MYTH OF FINGERPRINTS

Anyone? Anyone?

How come I always manage to buy the worst wallets? The one I have now doesn't hold change, and the credit card holders are split at the edges, so I guess the thing doesn't hold credit cards either...

Anyone have a good wallet and want to share the brand with me?

I just got a SPAM with the subject:

Eliminate Bills the Christian Way...

?

"...Always traveling but not in love.
Still, i think I'm doing fine.
Wouldn't it be a lovely headline:
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL on a New York Times."
~Rufus Wainwright

This song has been my anthem this semester. Today after work I drove Ian home and then sang it to myself, realizing, once again, that I'm not in love with anyone. After a a 7 hour shift at the restaurant, going home to some one who just wants to see ME is such a torturous fantasy. All I can think of as I mop the floor is, "I want a big long hug."

I guess I like the song because it reminds me that life is beautiful. That's really corny, I know. But life with Jesus really is beautiful, and I can say that even though I don't have any mutual "Pining After" in my life. There's a lot of bullshit in this life. Tons, I know. But there's beauty too.

I went to the Buckinham's Bible Study and felt that glimmer of the next life that I only feel when I'm with fellowship. Clifford and I talked for a while, relating the things about Jesus we were seeing displayed in our life. This question of "How do we really know?" has been coming up again and again, mostly in our Bible study we have here in my apartment. Clifford and i talked about the comfort we have in knowing that Jesus is alive and preparing a world beyond our imagination, and how morbid and empty life without Him is (You can't talk to Clifford without hitting the "morbid and empty" points in the topic). I concluded the conversation with "Well, I hope we're right. Or we're screwed."

Another girl, Heather, commented, "That's the thing. We life our life and sacrifice everything for something we'll never see in this life." I disagreed with her. Jesus gives us so much of Himself to see in this life. We just have to seek Him for it. We seek Him and we see Grace and forgiveness, Truth and Joy. And if you take this world and remove death from it, death in its many forms, you will find something beautiful. With these thoughts, I can go to sleep after a long-ass annoying shift and be reminded that "I'm doing fine" and "Life is Beautiful" would be a lovely headline, after all.

Okay, here's a Paul Simon quote I can understand (and I enjoy)

"Some people never say the words I LOVE YOU
It's not their style to be so bold
Some people never say those words I LOVE YOU
But like a child, they're longing to be told."
~Something So Right

I think Lisa had this up somewhere...?

KODACHROME:

Is there more to this song than Paul's desire to take pictures? If not, why would you write a song about taking pictures? There must be something more...

Obla di, obla da

Life goes on

La la la la life goes on.

And... She's back.

I was in Oregon, for those who did not know.

How was the audition? I thought it was pretty lame. My mouth got really dry (a nervous habit) right before I started my pieces and that may have totally ruined it all. The audition was probably the weakest point of the trip. The drive down to Ashland was spectacular (my mother and I landed in Portland, stayed 2 nights with the Aker family in Southern Washington and then drove 5 hours S to Ashland). Visiting the Aker's Five Acres was quite a different experience, being there with my mother. Less NWF "Discussion," and a little more sight seeing. Nice people live out there. Strange, though. If you ask how Portland is, you'll get the answer, "Very liberal, there are a lot of homosexuals." And George Bush is a hero there, which is a bit frustrating. The church service wasn't the Rye-Cheese-Mess I may have anticipated. It kind of reminded me of my Aunt Judy's church in Grass Lake. Bill took us (That is, my mom, Francie, her youngest daughter Sadie and me--their other kids, Lucy and Patrick were out and about) to Stevenson, WA, which was a cute Gorge town, and we had steelhead fish which was really good... for fish. And then we, hm, what did we do? Oh, we saw a fish ladder. Don't ask me what that is, I couldn't tell you. But Sadie was cute, and she talked to me a bit more this time than last time. She looks like a perfect Ramona Quimby, or Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird. She has the personality of both.
We drove 5 hours down to Ashland, like I said, and the view out my window was so beautiful, I thought I would see Heidi and Peter running down the green hills with their goats and sheeps. Sheep. After the audition, we drove up the 5 again (That's a highway) for three more hours. It was, by this time, kind of stormy and foggy, which, as Lisa knows, brings out the green. We stayed in a small town's Holiday Inn Express (not Microtel). Then we drove around and found this restaurant called "Sweetwater's," which I thought might be as quality as the Sweetwater Cafe' they have over here in Ann Arbor. No. It was pretty crappy but our waitress was so syrupy she was entertaining. I had chicken tenders which are universally pretty good. We stopped and got some popcorn for the hotel room, but before we could get to it, we watched a bit of Disney's A WRINKLE IN TIME on TV, which put us to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to the news. I will never watch the news again. Not likely, but if you've watched the news lately (a bunch of Generals and army folk pretending to be surprised that *OH NO!* The war was brutal after all!), you'd know what I mean. Maybe. I'm glad I don't have a TV. It was quite a thing to see after being in the Columbia Gorge area...

Am I spelling Gorge right?

The plane rides were pretty cool. Seeing Wyoming from the plane window was neat because I saw the green, blue, and red dirt again. And the Great Salt Lake looks really pretty from up there. It's so blue. Landing in Denver on the way home was frightening because there had been some killer tornadoes around there. Very Roller-Coaster-esque.

Okay, that's it. I think I'll leave you with this very funny quote my friend Scott found on a web page once:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can read this in English, thank a soldier."

~Oh, please excuse the politics embedded in this entry.

Okay, so working... That's what I have been up to.

I started my Jamaican job. Visions of Applebees fly back at me. I feel my identity as a Christian pretty strong there, having to hold to things like patience and kindness. I think those are the virtues that stick out the most for me. I find myself walking away when the co workers start to talk down about other workers. Suddenly it has become extremely important that I don't complain, do my job, and do my best. Gossip and slander is time consuming, and so easy to slip into. I think it's the Spirit of God who puts ideas in my head like "go upstairs and clean the smoothie station" when I hear slander. I just can't stand it. I hope it's a habit i never acquire.

YET, though I feel set apart at work, spiritually, I know there's so much I need to work on (spiritually).

Also, it's hard for me to get myself to sit down and write... I guess I knew this was coming. I'll focus on this after Oregon, I suppose...

Oh, and to end tonight's thoughts:
I wonder where Hugo Vasquez is. That might be a fun game to play while I'm going through the close-routine at the restaurant.

Okay, so to celebrate graduation, I'm going to give a "While I was in School"
awards ceremony to kind of tally what went on in the past four years, here in Ann Arbor. (So this won't include moments like Dr. Bob's Funeral or The Roadtrip...)

ACADEMIA:
Most Influential Teacher:
Anne Berggren, English 325, 225
Runners up:
Eileen Pollack, English 423
Annette Masson, Voice Curriculum

Best GSI's:
I've actually loved all my GSI's. Never had a problem with them. But the most influential have been James McNaughton of English 124 and Michelle Turner of English 223

Most Fun Class:
Dialects
Runner up:
Stage Combat

Class Most Loathed:
Acting XIII, Styles
Runner Up:
American Drama

Most Depressing Class:
American Drama
Runner Up:
Professor Back's English 229

Best Lecture:
Ralph Williams, Shakespeare

Easiest Class:
Politics and Pop Culture of the 1960's

Hardest Class:
Clown, and it was one credit!
Runner up:
Italian 101. My professora was nuts.

Favorite Book I read in College:
The Handmaid's Tale, by Margaret Atwood.

Least Favorite Book I read:
The Theater History Text Book. What a terrible text.

Favorite Short Story:
Sonny's Blues
Runner Up: The Lump

Best Play Read in College:
The Tempest

Least Favorite Play read in College:
Oh, probably the London Merchant. I just did not want to read that.
Runner Up:
The Time of Your Life by Saroyan

Funniest Moment from a Professor:
When John Neville Andrews told me to "Shut the fuck up, Nora."

ON THE STAGE:
Most Fun on Stage:
The Miss Firecracker Contest

Hardest Show:
The Fantastiks, for many reasons, most of which I will do my best to forget. Though, I will never forget Saturday Night's slap and hives.

Least Fun on Stage:
Richard III

Worst Rehearsal Process:
The Grapes of Wrath

Weirdest play I was in:
The Possibilities

SOCIAL SCENE:
Funniest Roomate:
Elma Wu
Runner Up:
Bekah Brown

Most Dramatic Friendship:
Eric and Dan
Runner up:
Jenni :)

Friend with most Spiritual Influence:
Jenni (Ask me how we met)

Most Loyal to Bible Study:
Rebecca Ridenour (and I'm glad she is!).

Friend I most liked to spoil:
Bethany (Because she spoiled me too!)

Best Long Distance Relationship:
Lisa Czapski. Long distance on so many levels (and she's my spouse, according to our Nat'l Parks Pass-- Sorry Lisa! I couldn't resist).

Best Neighbors:
The Hot Germans (Ziegler's)

Worst neighbors:
The ones who burnt down my apt building.

Saddest Moment:
When Ben P. moved to LA

Worst Moment:
Crashing Evelyn into a sorority girl.

Scariest Moment:
Watching the Twin Towers come down

Most Influential CD:
The one Lisa made me before I got here, "Nora's Hip Tunes"
Runner Up:
U2: All That You Can't Leave Behind.

Best Concert:
They Might Be Giants. I went with Sarah Zeile!
Runner Up:
Bob Dylan at Hill
Sweet Honey in the Rock

Best Movie Experience:
Seeing Neverending Story at the State
Runner Up:
The Big Lebowski

Best Restaurant:
Zanzibar
Runner Up:
Raja Rani

Funniest Memory:
Ian and Rachel throwing woodchips at my window

Most memorable song:
Walk On
Runner Up:
My Name is Not Susan

Best Quote:
"Without prayer I'm just an angry old man... without duct tape"--Harry Martin
Runner up:
"There's no mistakes in the theater! You can't make a mistake. You might fuck up... But there're no mistakes" -JNA

.. More categories yet to be added...?

Which Legendary Actress are you?

I found the survey. I'm glad, very glad, that i'm not marilyn monroe.

Once again, I lost a wonderful song opportunity (The last time was when I didn't listen to LOVE IS JUST A FOUR-LETTER WORD by Bob Dylan on Valentine's Day). This time it was not listening to the Who singing I'M FREE on the day I finished classes. I used to listen to it on the last day of High School classes. Yet, as some remember, that was always my birthday because I refused to attend school past my Birthday, June 10. Only in the DPS could I get away with that brand of stubborness...

Hm. I guess I could listen to I'M FREE tomorrow, after graduation.

Graduation...
AH!

I got a job today! I'm now working at the Jamaican Jerk Pit as a waitress.

Haha.

Ian Trevethan works there. I went to visit him and then asked for an application, and the manager said, "When can you start?" as he handed me one. I guess they are short on employees. I start Saturday night, so if I told you I was free Saturday, I guess I was lying. Sorry!

Ask me about our Jamaican Hush Puppies!

Well, that didn't take long. I wonder how long it will take me to remember that I hate waitressing.

...It's snowing.

Okay, the news on the street is... No, it's not on the street. But the news in my life is that I need another job. Today Lisa and I are supposed to look for jobs. Not together--on the opposite sides of the Metro Detroit Area.

It's terrible, but I really don't want to work. Right now being that woman in a Jane Austen era novel who's educated but slightly bored and only looking for a good match--being that woman doesn't sound so bad.

I wish I had a job where I was paid to read good books and drink tea. Because THAT's what I want to do this summer.

Here are some bits of dialogue I've overheard lately:

1) A kid walking behind me on the way to S Quad, speaking on his cell phone:
"Girl, now you know there are three sides to every story. Your side, her side, and the truth."
I've never heard that one before.

2) Walking through the Natural History Museum to my job at the insects division, I heard three kids, no older than five years old, crowding over that wide tube that places have for donations. You know, you throw a coin in and watch it spin around and go down a drain type thing.
"A: What is that for?
B: It's a toilet.
A: No, it's not!
B: Yes it is!
C: It's an insect cup."

GOOD NEWS:
1) Kara and Mike are engaged.
2) I'm done with school for a while. Yippee
a. I can write what I want
b. I can read what I want
3) Thanks to Bethany, I now know how to sing "Ding dong the witch is dead" In German:
"Ding dong, die Hexe ist tot.
Welche alte Hexe?
Die bose Hexe!
Ding dong die bose Hexe ist tot!"

Okay, yes, I admit that the last thing was pretty random, but in a way, it fits. It is the first song of independence I ever learned... Hm.

Lots of death and divorce surrounding my life right now. Anyone got any good news?

NO NO NO, don't tell me how many days i have left till classes are over.

I think I'm going to write a commentary on Christianity in America called "It's in the Bible so it Must Be Okay." There will be the following Chapters: "The Burning Bush" (religion and american politics) "The Breastplate of Rye-Cheese-Mess" (watered down, or "accessable" Christianity), "Caution, Jesus is God," (Jesus and fear), "The Most Segregated Hour," (segregation of the Church--that's Church with a capital C), "Join my Cult" (Christian Organization).

And then I will be slaughtered.

My grandma Bonner has been in the hospital. She's at a point now where she has to decide whether to get life-risking surgery or be in pain and never be able to walk again. I know that I would want to take the risk (rather be dead than in pain), but I don't want her to take the risk. What a curious place to be. I'm so selfish.

Okay, I can't figure this out about myself. I love politics. I love talking about politics. It's very hard for me to admit, really, because I think talking about politics is as pointless as talking about whether there is life on other planets. But today I met with Kristina, a friend from way back when, and I was just thrilled to ask her what she thought of various political issues (she's a poli-sci major.) And I noticed on my trip, politics came up again and again and again.

Oh, I also want you all to ask yourself, "Do I believe in ghosts?" It's a decision we all must make at some point in our lives. (That's what I told Lisa. I also told her that whether there is life on other planets is one of these decisions.)�

OH MARCIA

My mom asked me to run to the dollar store to get Peeps. She doesn't like them, she just wants to put them in the microwave because she heard you can watch their expressions change as they puff up.

Survey: What is your favorite Beatles Song?

Okay folks, here's a bit of useful information for ya.

There is a rap star and his name is Jay-Z. He has an album called "The Black Album."
Jay-Z also has an album called "The Black White Album" in which he incorporates hip hop rhythms to fit behind the songs on the Beatles "White Album."

I watched OLEANNA today with Bethany. The play is flawless. I listen to the dialogue and it puts me to shame. Will I ever be able to write something so tight? Where every sentence is needed and there is absolutely no excess?

Not only is it tight, but it's thought provoking, intense, and interesting all the way through.

Man, I love those movies/plays that make you want to throw things.

And now, for kicks, I'm going to list my favorite plays. I'm a senior, from four years of theatrical education, so I should figure out what my favorite plays are.

In no particular order (writing them down as they come):
(Oh, and I've not been in these. I don't think I could judge a play I've been in as the play itself.)

Obviously, Oleanna
The Dutchman
Waiting for Lefty
A Streetcar Named Desire
Fuddy Meers
The Tempest
Othello
Henry V
Hamlet
Agamemnon
Incident at Vichy
Summer and Smoke
Shoot, what's that one that we read in theater history? I think it's called The Wall.

Musicals:
Assassins is #1
Sweeney Todd (The Demon Barber of Fleet Street)
Jelly's Last Jam
Godspell
Pippin

Hehe, I'm sure you all were SO interested in that entry. But it's my journal. I have a license to be self-indulgent.

Today I sat in the Hopwood room, where they have cookies and coffee every thursday, and chatted with an MFA student who was kicked out of HS three times. Doesn't it make you smile to know that a graduate student got accepted to Rackham (sp?) with a GED? (well, he also had a BA from somewhere...) It actually does make me smile. It goes to show that second chances do exist.

Magic Writing Formula:

1 hour nap + hot shower + large cup of coffee.

Result: An alert mental focus and concentration, yet a drowsy physical state that prevents one from wanting to fidget or get up every five seconds while writing...

Prize to the person who can tell me why i'm so tired all the time.