"...Always traveling but not in love.
Still, i think I'm doing fine.
Wouldn't it be a lovely headline:
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL on a New York Times."
~Rufus Wainwright

This song has been my anthem this semester. Today after work I drove Ian home and then sang it to myself, realizing, once again, that I'm not in love with anyone. After a a 7 hour shift at the restaurant, going home to some one who just wants to see ME is such a torturous fantasy. All I can think of as I mop the floor is, "I want a big long hug."

I guess I like the song because it reminds me that life is beautiful. That's really corny, I know. But life with Jesus really is beautiful, and I can say that even though I don't have any mutual "Pining After" in my life. There's a lot of bullshit in this life. Tons, I know. But there's beauty too.

I went to the Buckinham's Bible Study and felt that glimmer of the next life that I only feel when I'm with fellowship. Clifford and I talked for a while, relating the things about Jesus we were seeing displayed in our life. This question of "How do we really know?" has been coming up again and again, mostly in our Bible study we have here in my apartment. Clifford and i talked about the comfort we have in knowing that Jesus is alive and preparing a world beyond our imagination, and how morbid and empty life without Him is (You can't talk to Clifford without hitting the "morbid and empty" points in the topic). I concluded the conversation with "Well, I hope we're right. Or we're screwed."

Another girl, Heather, commented, "That's the thing. We life our life and sacrifice everything for something we'll never see in this life." I disagreed with her. Jesus gives us so much of Himself to see in this life. We just have to seek Him for it. We seek Him and we see Grace and forgiveness, Truth and Joy. And if you take this world and remove death from it, death in its many forms, you will find something beautiful. With these thoughts, I can go to sleep after a long-ass annoying shift and be reminded that "I'm doing fine" and "Life is Beautiful" would be a lovely headline, after all.