This is what I do on my downtime between teaching people English... I will take this time because later on it might be fun to read... when I'm in a different phase of life. you know...
"ology" Survey
MOUTHOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
Tahini
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Once upon a time when Fast Food other than McDonalds was available, I sure liked Taco Bell.
Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
My Little Indian. Actually it's called "Happy Food." It's a Burmese-run Indian food joint on someone's "porch" near my building. It's delicious and cheeeeeeap.
Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
No tipping in Thailand. Once upon a time I tipped usually around 20%, never less unless the service was exceptionally terrible.
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of?
Graham Crackers. I'm pretty sure I know from experience?
Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Ham and Mushroom. Still my favorite.
Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
Nutella
Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
Double Mint and Bazooka for the lucky numbers.
TECHNOLOGY
Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone?
Less than 20, now that I had to get a new one. None of you are in it!
Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
Hell if I know.
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
Joel and Nora at the Tiger's Game. The one where I'm wearing braids and he's looking a little older than usual and we look sick. But I love that picture!
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
There is a television in my abode? I nearly forgot.
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right handed
Q. Do you like your smile?
my teeth could be a little smaller...
Q. What's your best feature?
my wit, when it's working.
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
teeth and skin and earwax... dirt and sweat.
Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
well, since I wear glasses and am partially deaf, have hard skin and bad sinuses... That leaves my sense of ESP?
Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
I dont know... I'm not really sure if I've ever had one. I've had fillings for what the dentist said were only cavity threats. yeah, i'm confused too.
Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
Okay, this is really the most random question I've ever seen on one of these atroicious things. The last heavy thing i lifted, i guess, was my guitar and case... it gets heavy when i walk it half a mile up the road to our church.
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
i don't remember. ha.
BULL[shit]OLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
no.
Q. Is love for real?
why wouldn't it be?
Q. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
I think I'd keep my name, but... I am loving some of these Thai names: Siripan, Chirasak, Teerawat, Naremon, etc.
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
I like green on me. Other people seem to like pink.
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
Um. not that i can remember. Is gum a non food item? Probably ants and mosquitoes and spiders in my sleep.
Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
not that i can remember. i've more often put lives in danger, i'm sure.
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
when i first came here, p'nui saved me from so many cars coming at me from unexpected directions. and i think my brother might have saved me from drowning...
DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
no doubt
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
sure
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
no way
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
yep, though i'm hoping it would sadden people who keep in touch with me that way, being all the way over here.
Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
$250,000... yeah i'd do it.
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
all at once? yes, but i would do it so slowly...
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
nope.
Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
for 10 years!
DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
air
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
Yes, because of Pedro. Because of Pedro's Pinata.
Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
linoleum.
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
um, does any one NOT stand? cripples?
Q: Could you live with roommates?
I'm liking the alone thing but I'm not picky.
Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
I live in Thailand, where they are essential. I have two pairs here and I think 1 pair in Detroit.
Q: Where were you born?
Sinai.
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
When that jerk broke Joel's mirror. I'm still mad.
Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8
P'JoEL I wish he'd change his Myspace name to that.
LASTOLOGY
Q: Last person you called?
Called... hm. Tee.
Q: Person you hugged?
The pastor's wife.
FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
24--how old i was when i came to thailand, the name of my road in thailand, and in thai it's "ee'sip'see"
Q: Color?
blue
Q: Season?
autumn. sob!
CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
more than one someone
Q: Mood?
super excited
Q: Listening to?
Thai pop in the background of the office. It's terrible. Don't try it at home.
Q: Watching?
My coworkers crack up at something... Don't ask me what.
Q: Worrying about?
Nothing. I quit worrying.
RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
To find P'Nui's lost shirt. The laundry ladies lost it and I had to retrieve it. I borrowed her shirt because I had a meeting. 2 meetings. and I needed her suits.
Q: What can you not wait to do?
I'm pretty excited about many things. One is talking to Bose on the phone tonight. Another is cooking with the P's tonight on P'G's 21st floor... great view; great times. Maybe... sometimes the P's change their minds. But of COURSE I'm most excited about saturday!!
Q: What's the last movie you saw?
Last night I watched this Jennifer Love Hewitt Indie movie called "If Only" and I can't decide if I enjoyed it or not. I definitely don't love her but maybe the movie was decent?
Q: Do you smile often?
YES. Especially when I think of how soon it will be that I will see Joel.
Q: Are you a friendly person?
Yep.
Q: Now that the survey's done what are you going to do?
Go home and change my shoes. And then hopefully off to Big C to buy stuff to make Jambalaya!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
ballade
Mostly used by the French in the 14th and 15th centuries. Complicated as hell (see picture attached to the "judgement" post for an illustration of how complicated this is). Stresses rhyme.
Form:
Three stanzas and a short one (envoi). The envoi addresses an important person or sums up the meaning of the poem.
Each stanza has eight lines. They follow the same rhyme scheme and use the same rhymes. The Rhyme Scheme is: ababbcbC ababbcbC ababbcbC bcbC. C is always the same line.
Other forms:
ababbccdcD, ababbccdcD, ababbccdcD, ccdcD
Twelve line stanzas, six line envoi
Double ballade: six stanzas of eight, ten, or twelve lines but no envoi.
Each stanza has eight lines. They follow the same rhyme scheme and use the same rhymes. The Rhyme Scheme is: ababbcbC ababbcbC ababbcbC bcbC. C is always the same line.
Other forms:
ababbccdcD, ababbccdcD, ababbccdcD, ccdcD
Twelve line stanzas, six line envoi
Double ballade: six stanzas of eight, ten, or twelve lines but no envoi.
(I took a shot at the standard one...)
In the darkest corner of an unborn heart
(where phantoms asleep with fantasies
stifle glimmers of a new start),
You wait. A grove of dead trees,
still in a violent breeze
reach softly to a sky
of stars. In post-disease,
let them listen to creation’s cry.
Behind the grove in a broken down cart,
painted red with a missing wheel, she lies
staring at nighttime clouds. Quiet Mozart
fills her chest with perfect harmonies.
In the pile of documentaries
this world keeps secret, she’ll try
for dreams—in broadcast pleas,
let them listen to creation’s cry.
Backstage before the play will start:
cracked mirror make-up sessions. She’s
barely memorized her bit part
and not a one to wing it. In balconies,
angels and zombies give silent cheers; the Marquis’
announcement soon to be a lie.
When these shows are forgotten entities,
let them listen to creation’s cry.
You stepped on every species.
In all forgotten forests, you hide
your solemn footprints for blinded men to see.
Let them listen to creation’s cry
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Okay, so I am totally missing music shows. I wrote this poem for my exchange with Bethany but sort of liked it so I'm posting it here, too. Not so sure about the year for the stones...
MUSIC WORSHIP
florescent sweat, ochre heat
and the bass rhythm grabs us
by our sticky shirts and takes us
where we forget and submit
by closing our eyes. we forget
the stench and dripping bodies
smashed into us on every side
some take trips but the sound is enough
to spark images of calm. a soft voice
amplified to an echo
followed by a cheer
finished by that one who
always roars a yeeah to ignite
the snare drum count-off
and we blast off and we
shake in rhythm because we
are invisible beneath the spotlights
on someone else
at the rock and roll hall of fame
i learned there was a movement
in my parent's time
against the satanic forces
in electric guitars. acid children
climaxing on musicwas not
the way to heaven.
when my father found jesus
he gave away his 1969 stones tour tickets.
he couldn't worship them anymore.
my brother finds jesus again
and again at u2 concerts,
saw him, for the first time,
worship:
hands in the air,
eyes closed,
he flew out of the arena.
when i sing alone
to a city beyond glass
and an omnipresent god,
i am invisible under the spotlight
on someone else.
MUSIC WORSHIP
florescent sweat, ochre heat
and the bass rhythm grabs us
by our sticky shirts and takes us
where we forget and submit
by closing our eyes. we forget
the stench and dripping bodies
smashed into us on every side
some take trips but the sound is enough
to spark images of calm. a soft voice
amplified to an echo
followed by a cheer
finished by that one who
always roars a yeeah to ignite
the snare drum count-off
and we blast off and we
shake in rhythm because we
are invisible beneath the spotlights
on someone else
at the rock and roll hall of fame
i learned there was a movement
in my parent's time
against the satanic forces
in electric guitars. acid children
climaxing on musicwas not
the way to heaven.
when my father found jesus
he gave away his 1969 stones tour tickets.
he couldn't worship them anymore.
my brother finds jesus again
and again at u2 concerts,
saw him, for the first time,
worship:
hands in the air,
eyes closed,
he flew out of the arena.
when i sing alone
to a city beyond glass
and an omnipresent god,
i am invisible under the spotlight
on someone else.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Judge
Today I woke up with some funny questions:
1) Does Jesus ever talk about our judgement apart from when we judge others? (I.E, does he ever mention that we're judged for any other reason than judging others?)
2) Is judgement talked about differently in the OT and the NT?
I hate to use the Bible in concordance fashion... I'd rather just read it through and find out for
myself what Judgement is in the Bible and if the nature of it changed with Jesus' blood. Even so, I used the concordance here to get a general idea of what judgement is in the Bible:
I don't want to say too much here because it's highly likely that I have certain ideas that I used that bit of information to back up, rather than having an openess to recieve the truth. I confess, I didn't even pray before I read that. But I will pray about those questions, plus the general question of what the hell is Judgement, anyway?
Joel is bringing my big study Bible with cross-references to Thailand. I'm planning, for the first time, to get through the entire Old Testament. I have two weeks to prepare for studying that chunk I tend to avoid or give up on. In the meantime, I will try to prepare through questions and prayer.
I have had two conversations regarding judgement lately. The first left my friend and me with the unanswered question, is it our responsibility to call-out our friends when we think they need corrections? The second conversation was finished with either a question or a statement: the difference between telling someone they are going to hell and telling someone to go to hell.
Is telling someone they are going to hell a judgement? (ha, I will never tell anyone that, but still...)
Does anyone really say, "go to hell" and really believe that they have the power to send them to hello, anyway?
And am I going to get creamed for judging people for judging?
Okay... I'll leave you all with that.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Ballads
Tell exciting stories, usually about lost love. Set to eerie tunes. They are a way to express strong feelings from a tragic event. Traditional British ballads are written with four line stanzas--lines 2 and 4 have 3 beats and rhyme. Literary ballads are written to be said, not sung. Images are key in either form.
I have posted two ballads here--both set to music (however, I haven't applied music yet to the second one...)
BALLAD OF THE FAIR WEATHER LOVEThe clouds do gather here, my love,
and darken the midday sky.
The rain will come down soon, my love,
and wash away the day light
Do you remember yesterday
when happier songs were sung?
Do you remember what you said
when day had just begun?
You said you’d love me for all time;
you’d never leave my side.
Now you’re packing up your things
(your words emerge to lies).
How can I learn to breathe again
as I breathed with your ear to my chest?
Will I learn to sleep again
in our cold and empty nest?
And when I hear those songs, my love,
the ones you sang to me
how can I keep from breaking down
at their piercing melodies?
What should I now say, my love
I’ll be happy when you’re gone?
How long must I wait, my love
before I can move on?
The clouds do gather here, my love,
and darken the midday sky.
The rain will come down soon, my love,
and wash away the daylight.
Find a warmer place, my love,
go where the sun does shine.
I’ll forget my fair-weather love
who loved me for a short time.
Here's my second stab at a ballad:
THE BALLAD OF C WALKER
when she walked into the room
when she came around
good people watched the floor
and no one made a sound
she raised her hand in sharing time
we tensed up in our chairs
she spoke and spoke till someone asked
if someone else would share
when she walked into the room
when she came around
good people turned their heads
and no one made a sound
she wailed along with Joplin
on a rainy Friday night
dancing with herself
her tumbling world took flight
she spoke to us for hours
but now that she’s dead
can we recall a single word
this shaking woman said?
her aching soul departed
in January gloom
where scribbled lists of prayers
were found in every room
good people look to heaven
in memory, confess
while we were forgetting her
she was praying for us
when she walks into the room
we’ll all fall to the ground
light from every limb
a song from every sound
thefollowingposthasbeenwrittenwiththaipunctuation
idon'twanttohearaprettyvoice ifiwanttohearaprettyvoicei'llgototheopera saysomethingwithyour prettyvoice don'tjustlistentoyourselfsing actuallysaysomething writesongstoconveyamessage idon'twanttolistentomyownideaswhenisingbutexpressmyideas musichasallsortsofpurposesbutletitnotbecreatedinordertoshowoff it'sthedifferencebetweenkarenberquistandcelinedion oneofthemanyway jonimitchellhadamessageandjoanbaezlikedthesoundofherownvoice dankahnandreginaspektorarestorytellers whatarewesayingwithourmusic bonostandsoutassomeonewithagreatvoiceandagreatmessage amicontributingtothestreamoramijustapuddle
ishakelikeateacupwhenihearmyselfsing
wilco
ishakelikeateacupwhenihearmyselfsing
wilco
Thursday, March 08, 2007
i miss:
nachos
the great lakes
daily interraction with children
a season without mosquitos
music shows
hot chocolate
baking cookies
slippers, a coat, and a cigarette
heaps of covers
cajun spices
i don't miss:
driving
memorizing lines
local news
thinking about one language at a time
wearing boots
beer
that van
unthawing feet
fast food drive thrus
socks
nachos
the great lakes
daily interraction with children
a season without mosquitos
music shows
hot chocolate
baking cookies
slippers, a coat, and a cigarette
heaps of covers
cajun spices
i don't miss:
driving
memorizing lines
local news
thinking about one language at a time
wearing boots
beer
that van
unthawing feet
fast food drive thrus
socks
ALPHABET POEMS
Uses letters as points of departure for lines or whole poems.
exercise uno
Write a poem just from the way the letter looks.
WHO ARE YOU. CROOKED Z?
exercise uno
Write a poem just from the way the letter looks.
WHO ARE YOU. CROOKED Z?
Scurrying down the steps
your keys wait by the door
next in line
your wallet waits in the pocket
of another coat.
next in line
your wallet waits in the pocket
of another coat.
exercise dos
write a 26 letter poem with a-z as the first letters of each word.
bold catastrophes drip energy.
forget gain.
hold instances judiciously
(karma.)
like monkeys navigate
orangutan prairies.
(quite.)
red supermodels
trust underwear
(vixens.)
witchdoctor xenophobes yell zulu.
acrostics one and two
First letters in each line make a word, phrase, or sentence.
Exercise Uno:
Single Acrostic
Write a word/phrase/sentence down the side and then try to fill in the words. Best written at top speed.
BABY SITTER
Of course we don’t know much;
next to nothing, only the vaguest details,
we might say.
Across oceans of ambivalence,
roads, winding around passion,
did we stop to breathe? Did
we once take a moment, and,
earnestly, count what has been
made or what had been destroyed?
Are we made to worship this
reality? On the dining-room
chair: hardened macaroni, a golden
hair, a sticky blob of warm vanilla.
Exercise Dos
Double Acrostic
Make a phrase on both sides of the line
another girl has
negotiated with a guru:
drug dealing aphrodisiac
of a part-time patch
the man did not know
her heart, ripped into
ephemeral fleets of promise
revealed only to the greats
Exercise Uno:
Single Acrostic
Write a word/phrase/sentence down the side and then try to fill in the words. Best written at top speed.
BABY SITTER
Of course we don’t know much;
next to nothing, only the vaguest details,
we might say.
Across oceans of ambivalence,
roads, winding around passion,
did we stop to breathe? Did
we once take a moment, and,
earnestly, count what has been
made or what had been destroyed?
Are we made to worship this
reality? On the dining-room
chair: hardened macaroni, a golden
hair, a sticky blob of warm vanilla.
Exercise Dos
Double Acrostic
Make a phrase on both sides of the line
another girl has
negotiated with a guru:
drug dealing aphrodisiac
of a part-time patch
the man did not know
her heart, ripped into
ephemeral fleets of promise
revealed only to the greats
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Abstract Poem III
Exercise tres
Take an existing poem and take out enough words so it makes no sense but the words sound cool
4th of July
(Version One)
the world's in flame
or so it seems
i hear cannons and popcorn
two neighborhoods away
i see red and blewdust and smoke crawls
over pines and maples
and oaks in bloom
surrounding my subdivision
this is not war, this is
celebration, the grand finale now
mimics the more exuberant display
over windsor, hart plaza, for fearless
crowds who've dared to cross
the city line. canada and states uniteto salute the flags that stream behind
jets above the river tonight
explosives equal freedomwe are free
mysterious creation
the sliver of pink haze moon
still glows. you can find it
somehow still more spectacular
(Version Two:)
this is not war,
this is the grand finale.
fear crowds salute:
explosives equal freedom.
(mysterious creation of pink haze moon
somehow more spectacular)
Take an existing poem and take out enough words so it makes no sense but the words sound cool
4th of July
(Version One)
the world's in flame
or so it seems
i hear cannons and popcorn
two neighborhoods away
i see red and blewdust and smoke crawls
over pines and maples
and oaks in bloom
surrounding my subdivision
this is not war, this is
celebration, the grand finale now
mimics the more exuberant display
over windsor, hart plaza, for fearless
crowds who've dared to cross
the city line. canada and states uniteto salute the flags that stream behind
jets above the river tonight
explosives equal freedomwe are free
mysterious creation
the sliver of pink haze moon
still glows. you can find it
somehow still more spectacular
(Version Two:)
this is not war,
this is the grand finale.
fear crowds salute:
explosives equal freedom.
(mysterious creation of pink haze moon
somehow more spectacular)
Abstract Poem II
Exercise dos
Take a poem by you or someone else and change most of the words:
Count the nouns, verbs, and adjectives. List these parts of speech in numbers equal to that in the poem. Replace the corresponding words in the poem. You can play around with the choices and modify the verbs appropriately.
(from ee )
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
--
(verbs(12): grow, find, search, greet, hate, heal, snuff, reach, teach, grasp, cut, quit
nouns (20): blanket, queen, perfume, alligator, novel, feather-duster, scythe, prayer, pain, top-hat, passageway, nation, steamboat, snowflake, ladybug, amulet, talisman, wrinkle, timepiece, swirl
adj (14): gray, withered, stooped, crunchy, stiff, lackadaisical, carefree, ephemeral, caustic, roundabout, grand, lofty, equivocal, soft)
--
i find You God for most this stiff
top-hat: for the searching crunchy passageways of scythes
and a withered soft steamboat of pain; and for everything
which is grand which is equivocal which is yes
(i who have taught and am caustic again today,
and this is the nation's talisman; this is the amulet
queen of prayer and of ladybugs and wrinkles: and of the stooped
ephemeral feather-duster carefree timepiece)
how should greeting hating grasping cutting
healing any—growing from the blanket
of perfume--alligator merely reaching
snowflake lackadaisical You?
(now the swirl of my swirls roundabout and
now the novel of my novels is gray)
Take a poem by you or someone else and change most of the words:
Count the nouns, verbs, and adjectives. List these parts of speech in numbers equal to that in the poem. Replace the corresponding words in the poem. You can play around with the choices and modify the verbs appropriately.
(from ee )
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
--
(verbs(12): grow, find, search, greet, hate, heal, snuff, reach, teach, grasp, cut, quit
nouns (20): blanket, queen, perfume, alligator, novel, feather-duster, scythe, prayer, pain, top-hat, passageway, nation, steamboat, snowflake, ladybug, amulet, talisman, wrinkle, timepiece, swirl
adj (14): gray, withered, stooped, crunchy, stiff, lackadaisical, carefree, ephemeral, caustic, roundabout, grand, lofty, equivocal, soft)
--
i find You God for most this stiff
top-hat: for the searching crunchy passageways of scythes
and a withered soft steamboat of pain; and for everything
which is grand which is equivocal which is yes
(i who have taught and am caustic again today,
and this is the nation's talisman; this is the amulet
queen of prayer and of ladybugs and wrinkles: and of the stooped
ephemeral feather-duster carefree timepiece)
how should greeting hating grasping cutting
healing any—growing from the blanket
of perfume--alligator merely reaching
snowflake lackadaisical You?
(now the swirl of my swirls roundabout and
now the novel of my novels is gray)
Poetry Forms
(I am going through my mom's book of poetry forms. I was doing this before, in the US, but lost my disk with them on it. Woe was me... Luckily, I had posted many on this blog. Since moving halfway across the world lends itself as a nice fresh start, I decided to go through the forms again, from the beginning.
Feel free to take the forms and experiment with them. High heavenly rankings to those who post their poems in the comment section...)
1. ABSTRACT POEM
Experiments of pattern and sound
The meaning is secondary to the sound of the word
Can also be abstract based on density of images
Exercise Uno take a word and say it over and over until it loses its meaning so then the mind is focused on sound. Then write whatever comes to mind because of the sounds.
(Word choice: peanut)
The Plexiglas crack of finery
spews gross pleas into cherry tree smiles. The girls
forgot to love the sticky canvass of personality
and whisk the brisk bunny away. Many swish
across the velvet mud; the whole of happiness
stirs pudding in wooden hate, crying out to woven
pitfalls. Stopping. Cursing
the swords of saints,
generosity seeps deep into bowls of lemons.
Feel free to take the forms and experiment with them. High heavenly rankings to those who post their poems in the comment section...)
1. ABSTRACT POEM
Experiments of pattern and sound
The meaning is secondary to the sound of the word
Can also be abstract based on density of images
Exercise Uno take a word and say it over and over until it loses its meaning so then the mind is focused on sound. Then write whatever comes to mind because of the sounds.
(Word choice: peanut)
The Plexiglas crack of finery
spews gross pleas into cherry tree smiles. The girls
forgot to love the sticky canvass of personality
and whisk the brisk bunny away. Many swish
across the velvet mud; the whole of happiness
stirs pudding in wooden hate, crying out to woven
pitfalls. Stopping. Cursing
the swords of saints,
generosity seeps deep into bowls of lemons.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
saai can mean left, sand, or late, depending on tone * the cup i'm drinking out of says: If you want a wicked time/then Amy is the one/Because she's really funky/and flippen loads of fun! * There is a blue flower painted on the back of the cat Joel sent me from MexicoTOWN * I can still wear flip flops * I always buy the wrong drink because I don't read labels carefully enough to find that the contents are written in English somewhere on there too * Eating Thai pineapple is a sort of rebirth * P'George spelled Sinderlela like that * I have my own room * My mind is expanding * I'm eating a chocolate covered bread stick and when an officemate handed it to me she said, "pock-EE" because it's called Pockey * I have a blue ink spot right above my writer's bump because I had a leaky pen when I prayed this morning... through ink * I don't have to impress anyone * I'm not driving and don't pay for car insurance * I eat Indian food everyday for 20 baht a plate, in someone's front "yard" * P'Nui always says "closely" when she means "close," so to her, something is always "closely to" something else. * My friend May has the most mischeivous laugh I've ever heard and it is loud * Pink is not a feminine color in Thailand * Being a transvestite is perfectly acceptable here * I don't have to prepare for auditions anymore * I have three poetry braids going on at once and they are good for me * My relationship with God is not abstract * Thais believe that if your spoon hits someone elses at dinner (when you're both taking soup from the same bowl because everyone shares the same bowl) that means you will have a visitor and for some reason that's a bad thing * I have enough
Monday, March 05, 2007
Song For Joel
(guitar picking includes what sounds like a clock chime... hurray)
I wait for the clock
There are better things to do
learn the language, or sleep
write a letter to you
I wait for a prayer
confirmation song, a dream
Walk across an ocean
wake a faithless scream
I wait for the silence
when words are not required
just a sigh, from time
a whine: I'm tired
I wait for surprise
hope I'll not expect
so much I'm disappointed
and don't want what I get
I wait for a selah
a break into a twist
when nothing can be questioned
when no one can be missed.
(guitar picking includes what sounds like a clock chime... hurray)
I wait for the clock
There are better things to do
learn the language, or sleep
write a letter to you
I wait for a prayer
confirmation song, a dream
Walk across an ocean
wake a faithless scream
I wait for the silence
when words are not required
just a sigh, from time
a whine: I'm tired
I wait for surprise
hope I'll not expect
so much I'm disappointed
and don't want what I get
I wait for a selah
a break into a twist
when nothing can be questioned
when no one can be missed.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
INTERVIEW GAME
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better ! If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate!
3. You WILL update your [online journal] with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions
2. How do you and your brother relate differently to your parents?
He might disagree, but I always figured Ian could relate better to my mother than I can and that I relate better to my dad. I have a lot more in common with my dad and ha, know how to get what I want out of him. I’ve always been able to put the cute on so he’d run out the door to buy me a pack of skittles. My mom doesn’t operate that way. I’m being silly here… Actually, I think it’s because my personality is more similar to my dad’s. Even though I don’t talk to him as often as I’d like, I find that he pops up all the time in my actions and reactions. For instance, the other day an Indian gentleman tried to sell me something at the market--like a lottery ticket or something--by buttering me up, saying, “Hello Beautiful. Where are you from, Beautiful?” And I looked at him straight in the face and said, “India,” and walked away. That’s the kind of gruff thing my dad pulls on salespeople. Also, when I come up against something that hinders productiveness—people dallying around trying to make decisions, I tend to get overly frustrated and grumpy. Not to say that all that I get from my dad is being gruff and grumpy… we’re both quick to act, looking for ways to be wise, apt take adventures, prone to talking a lot and too loud (something that separates me from most Thais. Ha.), sociable, and uninhibited. I think we usually attack assignments in a similar way and that’s why we can communicate well. My mother is a dear, but we misunderstand and misinterpret each other a lot.
As far as how my brother and I relate to our parents as a contingent, well, I guess that is always changing. He sees them more than me now, but when I lived with my parents, Ian coming was kind of a phenomenon. I think my parents have been trying, for the past few years, to figure out how to relate to me as I am not really living with them, but they still believe I am under their authority (from a Haskell principle I was reminded of many times about a woman being under the authority of her father until she got married…) Ian never had this kind of philosophy to factor into his relationship with them. So, though I’m not sure of the specifics, I know that Ian and I relate to them quite differently.
3. How do you think other people see you; is that something you think much about?
Whoa, what a question. I have had a lot of relationships with people—blame it on years and years of theater friendships, when I’d have three weeks to try to spend enough time with someone to feel comfortable on stage with them, the performance-run time of feeling like I’d gained a new best friend, and then another two weeks of show-friend with drawl. In this context, I am quite used to the fact that people see me as quiet and mousy at first. Maybe even ditzy because I get quite nervous and stammering when I am with people I don’t know. Then, they hear me say something like, “that shit cracks me up!” and they know I am cool and have a naughty sense of humor. As a short person, I will probably always try to compensate size with volume—and I don’t just mean verbal volume.
Those are the generalizations. People who know me well probably all see me quite different. I think at the office they think I’m the loud American who never stops playing around. I’m not sure, but that’s what I think. I’ll always wonder what my Christian brothers and sisters think of me—they are the people I whose opinions I think about the most.
So I think about this stuff a lot. I will admit that people’s opinions of me don’t factor into my actions much. Ha.
4. Your experience of coming to faith seems much different than mine, but I've only heard scraps. Can you talk about that--give your "testimony," in a nutshell? What made you follow?
Coming to Faith. Right. I guess my testimony would be just an account how my faith has grown… It’s all in phases, you know, but I do believe it gets bigger every time. Some people would condemn my story as maybe an account of “roller coaster faith” but get real… resurrection requires dying and being brought back to life. Okay, I’ll try to stay nutshellish.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t pray regularly. I do remember a time when my mother and I prayed for me to receive Jesus. I’ll be damned if I was older than four. As a child, I always talked to God and God got out of all kinds of messes. When I was about seven or eight I told God that I felt pretty comfortable with him but I didn’t know who Jesus was. Around the age of 11 I heard Jesus talking to me around a campout fire and pretty much made a deal with him that if he let me do theater, I’d follow him. Two years later I got baptized and my mother started bringing me to Haskell’s Weds. Night study. I noticed that it spoke to me and that was probably where I learned how to use the Bible—as an opportunity to listen to God. After a break-up and what my HS teacher called me “hitting rock bottom” (I would later find out to be my first major fit of depression) I gave my life to Jesus again, this time no strings attached. That was on my seventeenth birthday, the day I decided to hate the world and find life in Jesus.
Then I went to college and my faith was tested, but it didn’t take me long to find out that God was a living creature and not someone that could just disappear if I decided He didn’t exist. I did decide that a few times, but it didn’t last long. It was as ridiculous as saying Erinn didn’t exist. I’ve known them both for about as long.
Then I got out of depression and had a lovely phase of “no condemnation” that some might call my Zooropa days… Ha, you know, “the greater the fall the greater the grace.” I joke about that, but it actually happened. I’m probably still in that phase but honestly, I know it is necessary and that God is in on it with me. Because of it, I have been able to be more vibrant about the gospel, fall in love (not in a romantic sense) with tons more people then when I was trying to be a careful Christian, and be all together more alive. So, the current phase of my faith is God showing me how to actually live it… you know, Living Hope type stuff. Eternity starts today, type stuff. This is the best phase yet. I have learned how to ward off depression with solid, life-giving truths. I still have a lot to learn, but the best thing about learning to follow Jesus is that there are no deadlines.
5. How have you changed during your travels?
Each travel experience has been it’s own beast and changed me in different ways. I’ve only had three major experiences. Here they are:
a) Traveling around the country basically taught me that I am a human. It’s the kind of stuff I’ve heard most learn after being married for a year or two—all of our own annoying qualities. If you sit in the car with someone (who is not involved with you, romantically) for two months and only spend about 6 hours away from them the entire time, you get the crash course self-horror… and you don’t get the make-up sex to help you deal with it. Ha, I mean, the romantic euphoria.
b) Going to South Africa felt like a major failure. I learned that the world is full of terrible people and most of them are Anglos. You’d think that 13 years in Detroit Public Schools would have taught me that, but visiting Post-Apartheid South Africa was like the icing on that white-guilt cake. That said, I look back at South Africa as being the most beautiful country in the world—the astounding landscape, the misery, and the beauty that has come out of the misery. I’d go back there in a heartbeat. Plus, not a week goes by when I don't think of the wonderful friends I made there.
c) Moving to Thailand has given me a lot of confidence; I have better sense that God is leading me. I feel that everything in my life was necessary so that I might have ended up here … it’s a really solid feeling—all the bad things that led up to me wanting to leave the states, like that horrible van with no heat in the winter, being in debt when it was time to pay taxes, getting bombed with huge medical bills for a misdiagnosed eye--all of that bullshit has just paved my way for this fabulous experience. On the material end of things... From Thailand I've learned so much about globalization, about asian culture, about how to tolerate chili peppers (and how once you start eating them you must apply them to your food, lest you eat a tasteless meal...)
Overall, I've learned how to travel. It's a skill, ya know. You only learn it by doing it. Like Tai Chi.
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better ! If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate!
3. You WILL update your [online journal] with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions
These question are from my cousin:
1. Do you find yourself gravitating towards/exploring any particular subject matter in your writing lately? Say a little about that...
I wish I was more disciplined in my writing so I could answer this better. I’ve noticed that disappointment—in others (particularly leaders and mentors), in the protagonist’s self—comes up quite a bit. I’m haunted by what the English language means to the rest of the world, but I’m struggling with a way to express my thoughts about it. In my songs, the idea that God is everywhere keeps popping up. In free writing, these ideas of what the blues means to me are brought about three or four times per session. I don’t know how to write about that because everything I could say about it, James Baldwin has already said better in Sonny’s Blues. I’m not really working on a particular piece at the moment, so this question is a bit hard to answer.
2. How do you and your brother relate differently to your parents?
He might disagree, but I always figured Ian could relate better to my mother than I can and that I relate better to my dad. I have a lot more in common with my dad and ha, know how to get what I want out of him. I’ve always been able to put the cute on so he’d run out the door to buy me a pack of skittles. My mom doesn’t operate that way. I’m being silly here… Actually, I think it’s because my personality is more similar to my dad’s. Even though I don’t talk to him as often as I’d like, I find that he pops up all the time in my actions and reactions. For instance, the other day an Indian gentleman tried to sell me something at the market--like a lottery ticket or something--by buttering me up, saying, “Hello Beautiful. Where are you from, Beautiful?” And I looked at him straight in the face and said, “India,” and walked away. That’s the kind of gruff thing my dad pulls on salespeople. Also, when I come up against something that hinders productiveness—people dallying around trying to make decisions, I tend to get overly frustrated and grumpy. Not to say that all that I get from my dad is being gruff and grumpy… we’re both quick to act, looking for ways to be wise, apt take adventures, prone to talking a lot and too loud (something that separates me from most Thais. Ha.), sociable, and uninhibited. I think we usually attack assignments in a similar way and that’s why we can communicate well. My mother is a dear, but we misunderstand and misinterpret each other a lot.
As far as how my brother and I relate to our parents as a contingent, well, I guess that is always changing. He sees them more than me now, but when I lived with my parents, Ian coming was kind of a phenomenon. I think my parents have been trying, for the past few years, to figure out how to relate to me as I am not really living with them, but they still believe I am under their authority (from a Haskell principle I was reminded of many times about a woman being under the authority of her father until she got married…) Ian never had this kind of philosophy to factor into his relationship with them. So, though I’m not sure of the specifics, I know that Ian and I relate to them quite differently.
3. How do you think other people see you; is that something you think much about?
Whoa, what a question. I have had a lot of relationships with people—blame it on years and years of theater friendships, when I’d have three weeks to try to spend enough time with someone to feel comfortable on stage with them, the performance-run time of feeling like I’d gained a new best friend, and then another two weeks of show-friend with drawl. In this context, I am quite used to the fact that people see me as quiet and mousy at first. Maybe even ditzy because I get quite nervous and stammering when I am with people I don’t know. Then, they hear me say something like, “that shit cracks me up!” and they know I am cool and have a naughty sense of humor. As a short person, I will probably always try to compensate size with volume—and I don’t just mean verbal volume.
Those are the generalizations. People who know me well probably all see me quite different. I think at the office they think I’m the loud American who never stops playing around. I’m not sure, but that’s what I think. I’ll always wonder what my Christian brothers and sisters think of me—they are the people I whose opinions I think about the most.
So I think about this stuff a lot. I will admit that people’s opinions of me don’t factor into my actions much. Ha.
4. Your experience of coming to faith seems much different than mine, but I've only heard scraps. Can you talk about that--give your "testimony," in a nutshell? What made you follow?
Coming to Faith. Right. I guess my testimony would be just an account how my faith has grown… It’s all in phases, you know, but I do believe it gets bigger every time. Some people would condemn my story as maybe an account of “roller coaster faith” but get real… resurrection requires dying and being brought back to life. Okay, I’ll try to stay nutshellish.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t pray regularly. I do remember a time when my mother and I prayed for me to receive Jesus. I’ll be damned if I was older than four. As a child, I always talked to God and God got out of all kinds of messes. When I was about seven or eight I told God that I felt pretty comfortable with him but I didn’t know who Jesus was. Around the age of 11 I heard Jesus talking to me around a campout fire and pretty much made a deal with him that if he let me do theater, I’d follow him. Two years later I got baptized and my mother started bringing me to Haskell’s Weds. Night study. I noticed that it spoke to me and that was probably where I learned how to use the Bible—as an opportunity to listen to God. After a break-up and what my HS teacher called me “hitting rock bottom” (I would later find out to be my first major fit of depression) I gave my life to Jesus again, this time no strings attached. That was on my seventeenth birthday, the day I decided to hate the world and find life in Jesus.
Then I went to college and my faith was tested, but it didn’t take me long to find out that God was a living creature and not someone that could just disappear if I decided He didn’t exist. I did decide that a few times, but it didn’t last long. It was as ridiculous as saying Erinn didn’t exist. I’ve known them both for about as long.
Then I got out of depression and had a lovely phase of “no condemnation” that some might call my Zooropa days… Ha, you know, “the greater the fall the greater the grace.” I joke about that, but it actually happened. I’m probably still in that phase but honestly, I know it is necessary and that God is in on it with me. Because of it, I have been able to be more vibrant about the gospel, fall in love (not in a romantic sense) with tons more people then when I was trying to be a careful Christian, and be all together more alive. So, the current phase of my faith is God showing me how to actually live it… you know, Living Hope type stuff. Eternity starts today, type stuff. This is the best phase yet. I have learned how to ward off depression with solid, life-giving truths. I still have a lot to learn, but the best thing about learning to follow Jesus is that there are no deadlines.
5. How have you changed during your travels?
Each travel experience has been it’s own beast and changed me in different ways. I’ve only had three major experiences. Here they are:
a) Traveling around the country basically taught me that I am a human. It’s the kind of stuff I’ve heard most learn after being married for a year or two—all of our own annoying qualities. If you sit in the car with someone (who is not involved with you, romantically) for two months and only spend about 6 hours away from them the entire time, you get the crash course self-horror… and you don’t get the make-up sex to help you deal with it. Ha, I mean, the romantic euphoria.
b) Going to South Africa felt like a major failure. I learned that the world is full of terrible people and most of them are Anglos. You’d think that 13 years in Detroit Public Schools would have taught me that, but visiting Post-Apartheid South Africa was like the icing on that white-guilt cake. That said, I look back at South Africa as being the most beautiful country in the world—the astounding landscape, the misery, and the beauty that has come out of the misery. I’d go back there in a heartbeat. Plus, not a week goes by when I don't think of the wonderful friends I made there.
c) Moving to Thailand has given me a lot of confidence; I have better sense that God is leading me. I feel that everything in my life was necessary so that I might have ended up here … it’s a really solid feeling—all the bad things that led up to me wanting to leave the states, like that horrible van with no heat in the winter, being in debt when it was time to pay taxes, getting bombed with huge medical bills for a misdiagnosed eye--all of that bullshit has just paved my way for this fabulous experience. On the material end of things... From Thailand I've learned so much about globalization, about asian culture, about how to tolerate chili peppers (and how once you start eating them you must apply them to your food, lest you eat a tasteless meal...)
Overall, I've learned how to travel. It's a skill, ya know. You only learn it by doing it. Like Tai Chi.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Barack Obama
Okay, so most of you know that I have adopted a new form of entertainment: Keeping track of Obama. His words of uniting the American government has helped ease my cynicism that our government is just two sides trying to win some terrible game. I have been informed of a critique that "for all his talk, he comes down liberal on every issue." Though it took me a little while to work through that, I have come to terms with it: Of course he comes down liberal on every issue. The man is a liberal. But that is not his point. He's not asking the American liberals to be more conservative or conservatives to be more liberal; he's asking us to listen to each other, even though we are conservative or liberal.
Okay, so after reasoning that out, I asked myself, "Yeah, but is the man listening to the other side or is he only saying that he's listening?"
I put the question aside and then got my answer in this article:
No Music to Their Ears
By: David Yepsen February 13, 2007 07:58 AM EST
U.S. Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., smiles with his wife Michelle at a rally on the University of Illinois-Chicago campus. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)
url:
Barack Obama is a different sort of presidential candidate.
Yes, we all know he's the first African American with a realistic chance of winning the presidency. But he is also downsizing the pandering.
In appearances, he often tells Democrats things many don't care to hear.
For example, at his rally in Cedar Rapids on Saturday, he was asked about cutting military spending to free up money for other priorities, something liberal Democrats have been after for decades.
But Obama said "in terms of the overall military budget, I will tell you that we are going to have problems making immediate cuts, because one of the untold stories about this war is the way it has depleted our military.
"The fact of the matter is, we are going to need more troops than we currently possess" because of the pressures Iraq has placed on the National Guard and reserves, he said. "We're going to have to build up the size of our active regular forces. We're going to have to replace the equipment that has been depleted ... There's probably going to be a bump in initial military spending just to get back to where we were."
After that, the United States can reprioritize some military spending. "If we do those things, potentially, over time, we can see some savings. That doesn't mean, by the way, that we're still not going to have to have some of the conventional military forces that we need to protect ourselves from more potential attacks or threats." He cited North Korea as an example.
Obama got virtually no applause to that answer.
Later, he took a question from a teacher about the No Child Left Behind Act. That law is hugely unpopular with many teachers and their unions. Bashing it is popular with Democratic politicians. (No applause line is left behind in attacking it.)
Obama didn't disappoint: "No Child Left Behind left the money behind," he pandered.
But then he talked about "the things that were good about No Child Left Behind," like high standards for students because American children will have to compete for jobs with students from countries with more rigorous schools. The act also identified groups of students who need extra help in school, such as minority students, he said.
Obama told one teacher questioner that teachers deserve more pay to attract people to the profession, a line that drew whoops and applause. "I have to say though, there's got to be a bargain with teachers in terms of more pay," he said.
"They've got to get more pay, but there's also going to be more accountability." (There was audible rustling and mumbling in the seats at that.)
"Now, the accountability can't just be based on standardized test performance only, but that has to be part of the mix, and there has to be assessment tools that are developed in concert with teachers," Obama said.
"If teachers are underperforming, we're going to get them the help they need. But we're not going to pretend they are not underperforming, and that is something we're going to have to make happen," the senator said.
Such candor is refreshing, and it may contribute to his initial success in attracting voters looking for something new in a politician. He said in an interview later it's one way to end voter cynicism about politicians.
But can a candidate win if he tells Democratic constituency groups things they don't want to hear?
"We'll find out," he said. "If you go down that path of trying to tell everybody exactly what they want to hear, you can't actually build a consensus to govern. And I'm not just trying to win an office. I'm trying to figure out: Can we build a consensus to actually solve these problems that are complicated? I've got to make sure that I'm taking the voters through a process whereby when they vote for me, they know, 'Here's how he thinks.' "
David Yepsen is a columnist for the Des Moines Register. The Register and politico.com are sharing content for the 2008 presidential campaign.
---
Some final words about this and then I'll give it a rest. I have really been blessed by his mentioning that teachers will be held accountable. I am discovering that my politics are really based on the education system. I am not a one issue voter, but as some people are drawn to abortion politics and some others are drawn to the environment politics, I find that it's education stuff that really hits me the most. This is based on my upbringing, no doubt, and the anger instilled in me about DPS. I joke about how little funding we got at DSA, or how awful some of the teachers were, but seriously, Obama is the first person(I've noticed) to really hone that problem down into productive and reasonable ideas.
Okay, so after reasoning that out, I asked myself, "Yeah, but is the man listening to the other side or is he only saying that he's listening?"
I put the question aside and then got my answer in this article:
No Music to Their Ears
By: David Yepsen February 13, 2007 07:58 AM EST
U.S. Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., smiles with his wife Michelle at a rally on the University of Illinois-Chicago campus. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)
url:
Barack Obama is a different sort of presidential candidate.
Yes, we all know he's the first African American with a realistic chance of winning the presidency. But he is also downsizing the pandering.
In appearances, he often tells Democrats things many don't care to hear.
For example, at his rally in Cedar Rapids on Saturday, he was asked about cutting military spending to free up money for other priorities, something liberal Democrats have been after for decades.
But Obama said "in terms of the overall military budget, I will tell you that we are going to have problems making immediate cuts, because one of the untold stories about this war is the way it has depleted our military.
"The fact of the matter is, we are going to need more troops than we currently possess" because of the pressures Iraq has placed on the National Guard and reserves, he said. "We're going to have to build up the size of our active regular forces. We're going to have to replace the equipment that has been depleted ... There's probably going to be a bump in initial military spending just to get back to where we were."
After that, the United States can reprioritize some military spending. "If we do those things, potentially, over time, we can see some savings. That doesn't mean, by the way, that we're still not going to have to have some of the conventional military forces that we need to protect ourselves from more potential attacks or threats." He cited North Korea as an example.
Obama got virtually no applause to that answer.
Later, he took a question from a teacher about the No Child Left Behind Act. That law is hugely unpopular with many teachers and their unions. Bashing it is popular with Democratic politicians. (No applause line is left behind in attacking it.)
Obama didn't disappoint: "No Child Left Behind left the money behind," he pandered.
But then he talked about "the things that were good about No Child Left Behind," like high standards for students because American children will have to compete for jobs with students from countries with more rigorous schools. The act also identified groups of students who need extra help in school, such as minority students, he said.
Obama told one teacher questioner that teachers deserve more pay to attract people to the profession, a line that drew whoops and applause. "I have to say though, there's got to be a bargain with teachers in terms of more pay," he said.
"They've got to get more pay, but there's also going to be more accountability." (There was audible rustling and mumbling in the seats at that.)
"Now, the accountability can't just be based on standardized test performance only, but that has to be part of the mix, and there has to be assessment tools that are developed in concert with teachers," Obama said.
"If teachers are underperforming, we're going to get them the help they need. But we're not going to pretend they are not underperforming, and that is something we're going to have to make happen," the senator said.
Such candor is refreshing, and it may contribute to his initial success in attracting voters looking for something new in a politician. He said in an interview later it's one way to end voter cynicism about politicians.
But can a candidate win if he tells Democratic constituency groups things they don't want to hear?
"We'll find out," he said. "If you go down that path of trying to tell everybody exactly what they want to hear, you can't actually build a consensus to govern. And I'm not just trying to win an office. I'm trying to figure out: Can we build a consensus to actually solve these problems that are complicated? I've got to make sure that I'm taking the voters through a process whereby when they vote for me, they know, 'Here's how he thinks.' "
David Yepsen is a columnist for the Des Moines Register. The Register and politico.com are sharing content for the 2008 presidential campaign.
---
Some final words about this and then I'll give it a rest. I have really been blessed by his mentioning that teachers will be held accountable. I am discovering that my politics are really based on the education system. I am not a one issue voter, but as some people are drawn to abortion politics and some others are drawn to the environment politics, I find that it's education stuff that really hits me the most. This is based on my upbringing, no doubt, and the anger instilled in me about DPS. I joke about how little funding we got at DSA, or how awful some of the teachers were, but seriously, Obama is the first person(I've noticed) to really hone that problem down into productive and reasonable ideas.
