I'm coming to my blank blog document from a place of frustration. I guess I can use the blog this way, right? To rant, just once?
I find myself slipping into the feeling of insignificance again. For a while there I carried myself with purpose, but lately I'm starting to feel again that I have none. That I'm wasting my days away chasing after the ability to support myself. I've started making decisions based on how much money I'll make because I don't have enough money. I am not living very comfortably. I desire a life that allows me to create and be submersed in creative production, but I just cannot manage that right now. I don't have time for it. I work all day and I'm too tired to write. I made the decision today to not be involved in any productions for a while, probably not till March when Anne Frank comes around, because I'm not writing when I'm in a show. But I've lost confidense in my ability to write a piece, specifically fiction, because I haven't done it for so long. I cannot read what I've written and be satisfied, either.
On top of that I am trying to maintain a sort of social life that has grieved me lately me because I'm either at the bar with people who don't know that I love Jesus or if they do they aren't all that interested. Or I am at Bible Studies with people who are my parents' age. I have about three friends that would feel comfortable coming to the bar with me and going to a Bible Study, but beyond that, there is no middle ground and I feel kind of yanked in all directions. Feeling out of place most of the time doesn't really make for feeling like I am productive or feeling that I have significance.
If this blog entry were a Psalm, this is where it would say, "SELAH". Whatever the hell Selah means. Pause, or something. A pause for reflection.
Today I went to my uncle Tom's Bible study, where, yes Rachel, we are studying Revelation. I was very struck by the idea that in the moment before the end, Three Angels come and proclaim a last call to following Jesus. This is a promise that the truth I live by will be unavoidable. Completely clear. A huge part of that book is the idea that everyone will know. I see this as assurance for all of my doubts. There is so much that I don't know. But up to the last second, loud and clear, no longer just a "spiritual thing," I will see these things that I have mere inklings about now. But I am thankful for the inklings. Also, that up to the last minute, Jesus will be inviting people to live with Him. The fact that some of us live with him before this last call is really to our benefit. We should be thankful that we have relationships with Him already. One day, this relationship will be undeniable for me. I need to hear that because I find my mind slipping into denial, every once in a while.
The first angel tells the world that we were created. The idea that I have a creator is the first step to relief for me in this overwhelming feeling of insignificance. I was created with purpose. I have this purpose built in me right now. Not purpose like, "I am going to be a famous writer." But purpose that I will be with God. I will have a relationship with him. That I do have a relationship with him and one day will see, clear as an angel in mid-air (as chapter 14 describes), the fruits of that relationship.
I need to think about this purpose. It reminds me that my relationship with God manifests itself in my relationships with other people. I wrote a song with the line, "You got someone to love, you got a reason to live." I am once again reminded that all my days that are filled with the interraction with others are days with purpose, because every interraction, be it with the guy behind the counter at the gas station or my co-workers at JC Penneys, is an opportunity to love. There is enough of God's purpose to fill each day with significance, just because of that.
Jesus has told me about a billion times not to chase after things like food and clothes. But I have been doing that. I've also been chasing after ways to fulfill myself creatively. I think it's time for me to slow down and realize that if I chase after the Kingdom, chase after obedience to Jesus' will that we love one another the way I know He loves me, I will find that significance I seek. The rest, how I get my food and how I get to be creative, is just the product of this seeking process.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Monday, August 01, 2005
a tour of random thoughts
I don't think I update often enough to have faithful readers.
So, I'm back in the swing of things. Back and broke. I was explaining to one of my coworkers, Lisa Haynes, that there's nothing mexican in South Africa and she said "That's how we're going to make some money, Nora! Open up a Taco Bell!"
I negotiated more hours from my store manager--they were only giving me 16, now I should be able to get at least 20 or 25. I also negotiated, with my supervisor, time off for the campout. I could come for maybe Sunday through Thursday. The clincher is whether or not the store manager and the supervisor communicate well enough to see this contradiction... It's so hard to want money and to not want to work. I guess everyone can relate to that?
I went to a BBQ for Mr. Joel's B-day where his friend made this food--briskets and chicken-- in an enormous smoker he made from a fridge that he painted like a cow. The highlight was meeting Joel's sister and brother-in-law, who I like to call "bad-ass Christians," if that helps you understand what fun I had with them. It's nice to meet believers who are also dark and think. I guess, as they sing in Pete's Dragon, "There's room for everyone in this world," But I guess I would prefer to be in the part of the room where the bad-ass Christians are... you know, the Bonhoeffer ones as opposed to the ones who are left behind.
Tonight I'm going to see a band called teh Magnolia Electric Company and I'm excited because I'm not paying. The good thing about being broke is all the free stuff! The good thing about having money is to be able to provide the free stuff, and I prefer the latter position.
One more note. I THINK I AM PLAYING A CONCERT IN DETROIT NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT WITH BLAIR. Most of you readers will be camping out and I can come up there and play you anything you missed (except I cannot play you Blair, which will be the highlight.) SO, I'll update as soon as I know.
And one more "one more note." I am now dealing with the trauma of having my Sunday school kids insist on reading revelation. What's more, to learn that Haskell always skipped some parts in teaching it feeling that he was unequipped to interpret. So who am I, I wonder. But I don't want to deny them what they want to learn. I mean, I would be ticked to have people tell me "You shouldn't read that..." not ticked, compelled. Compelled to read. I also get annoyed when people answer my hard questions about the OT with "Just read the NT." Or "Why are you reading other people's mail?" type answers. I explained this to my father and mother today and my dad gave this Hilarious interpretation of the Old Testament for me. It went something like "In the Old Testament we learn that if we want to take over a nation we just pray and God anhilates (sp?) and then we can take anything He tells us we can take and if we take anything he tells us not to take he will annhilated US." I love his irreverence. Back to teaching kids Revelation (or as Espanolas call it, "Apocolyptica" or something like that.) Any thoughts, 666?
So, I'm back in the swing of things. Back and broke. I was explaining to one of my coworkers, Lisa Haynes, that there's nothing mexican in South Africa and she said "That's how we're going to make some money, Nora! Open up a Taco Bell!"
I negotiated more hours from my store manager--they were only giving me 16, now I should be able to get at least 20 or 25. I also negotiated, with my supervisor, time off for the campout. I could come for maybe Sunday through Thursday. The clincher is whether or not the store manager and the supervisor communicate well enough to see this contradiction... It's so hard to want money and to not want to work. I guess everyone can relate to that?
I went to a BBQ for Mr. Joel's B-day where his friend made this food--briskets and chicken-- in an enormous smoker he made from a fridge that he painted like a cow. The highlight was meeting Joel's sister and brother-in-law, who I like to call "bad-ass Christians," if that helps you understand what fun I had with them. It's nice to meet believers who are also dark and think. I guess, as they sing in Pete's Dragon, "There's room for everyone in this world," But I guess I would prefer to be in the part of the room where the bad-ass Christians are... you know, the Bonhoeffer ones as opposed to the ones who are left behind.
Tonight I'm going to see a band called teh Magnolia Electric Company and I'm excited because I'm not paying. The good thing about being broke is all the free stuff! The good thing about having money is to be able to provide the free stuff, and I prefer the latter position.
One more note. I THINK I AM PLAYING A CONCERT IN DETROIT NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT WITH BLAIR. Most of you readers will be camping out and I can come up there and play you anything you missed (except I cannot play you Blair, which will be the highlight.) SO, I'll update as soon as I know.
And one more "one more note." I am now dealing with the trauma of having my Sunday school kids insist on reading revelation. What's more, to learn that Haskell always skipped some parts in teaching it feeling that he was unequipped to interpret. So who am I, I wonder. But I don't want to deny them what they want to learn. I mean, I would be ticked to have people tell me "You shouldn't read that..." not ticked, compelled. Compelled to read. I also get annoyed when people answer my hard questions about the OT with "Just read the NT." Or "Why are you reading other people's mail?" type answers. I explained this to my father and mother today and my dad gave this Hilarious interpretation of the Old Testament for me. It went something like "In the Old Testament we learn that if we want to take over a nation we just pray and God anhilates (sp?) and then we can take anything He tells us we can take and if we take anything he tells us not to take he will annhilated US." I love his irreverence. Back to teaching kids Revelation (or as Espanolas call it, "Apocolyptica" or something like that.) Any thoughts, 666?
Monday, July 25, 2005
Poems
Meg Leduc and I exchange poems over email. Here's one I sent from the big SA. I read it at a poetry reading at the Tatham Art museum and also at the Walk and Squawk jam session at the end of their show's run.
RELATING TO OMRI
Today we walked the dusty trails of a
South African Nature Reserve.
We snapped the Khaki Bos heads
From branches and smoothed them
Between our fingertips. We raised
The tiny yellow specks beneath
Our noses and inhaled the Nsangunsan Gu
Scent of citris and pine:The smell of Africa.
Omri Nene wears a t-shirt that bears
The naked breasts of an African woman:
She arches her back and shows off
Her perfect nipples. She will sit
Like that until someone tells her
For Jesus' Sake, put on a shirt.
She will raise an eyebrow.
She may or may not obey.
It's not like the Almighty God
Doesn't know what's beneath
The fabric, anyway.
That same modesty evangelist told
My South African friend that his people were
Cursed by Noah's other sons:
Their Ancient Father, Ham,
Lost his white when he was forced to walk
Down the dark continent; His skin was burned
Brown on the way. Their pales soles
Stand as proof.
Omri Nene has a sugarcane scar
Over his right eye from when
He was beaten with the actual cane
For tresspassing and stealing
The sweet ropes from farms.
The farmer chased him and his teachers
Forced him to explain the gash,
Through ashamed tears, to the other children.
I, too, have a gash-scar by my right eye
From when I fell off a swingset
And the doctor pulled the stitch too tight.
Omri asked if we grow sugarcane in Detroit.
I can't imagine showing off my nipples while
Sucking on sugarcane. No matter how
Many whiffs of Africa I take.
In this wintery-June
I wear sunscreen and a sweater.
I dodge cars coming at me
From the wrong side of the road.
The wrong side. I am upside down.
It's not like the Almighty God doesn't know
What's beneath my sweater, or beneath
My sunscreen, or beneath
My skin, or beneath
My flesh, anyway.
RELATING TO OMRI
Today we walked the dusty trails of a
South African Nature Reserve.
We snapped the Khaki Bos heads
From branches and smoothed them
Between our fingertips. We raised
The tiny yellow specks beneath
Our noses and inhaled the Nsangunsan Gu
Scent of citris and pine:The smell of Africa.
Omri Nene wears a t-shirt that bears
The naked breasts of an African woman:
She arches her back and shows off
Her perfect nipples. She will sit
Like that until someone tells her
For Jesus' Sake, put on a shirt.
She will raise an eyebrow.
She may or may not obey.
It's not like the Almighty God
Doesn't know what's beneath
The fabric, anyway.
That same modesty evangelist told
My South African friend that his people were
Cursed by Noah's other sons:
Their Ancient Father, Ham,
Lost his white when he was forced to walk
Down the dark continent; His skin was burned
Brown on the way. Their pales soles
Stand as proof.
Omri Nene has a sugarcane scar
Over his right eye from when
He was beaten with the actual cane
For tresspassing and stealing
The sweet ropes from farms.
The farmer chased him and his teachers
Forced him to explain the gash,
Through ashamed tears, to the other children.
I, too, have a gash-scar by my right eye
From when I fell off a swingset
And the doctor pulled the stitch too tight.
Omri asked if we grow sugarcane in Detroit.
I can't imagine showing off my nipples while
Sucking on sugarcane. No matter how
Many whiffs of Africa I take.
In this wintery-June
I wear sunscreen and a sweater.
I dodge cars coming at me
From the wrong side of the road.
The wrong side. I am upside down.
It's not like the Almighty God doesn't know
What's beneath my sweater, or beneath
My sunscreen, or beneath
My skin, or beneath
My flesh, anyway.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Open Mic
Hey people who read my blog. It's about 5:18pm, and as of now it looks like I will be playing an open mic at Xhedos cafe in Ferndale tonight. It starts at 8pm. My friend Blair is hosting... I have to call at 6:30 to see if I'll get a slot. Blair invited me to open for him at a concert later on in August. I'll keep you posted on that. It's crazy to think I might try to dive into this stuff.
If you get this in time, you can call me 313-310-2760 and i'll give you details about tonight.
If you get this in time, you can call me 313-310-2760 and i'll give you details about tonight.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
and... she's back
Hey kids. I've returned home from South Africa. I caught some kind of something on the plane. A sickness kind of something. South Africans would call it the flu though we'd call it a cold. I bet you want an update. Well, I don't feel like making an update so I'll make a list.
Contrary to what Joel told me he knew about South Africa:
1) nothing bad happens there
2) it's always warm
3) it's always nice
4) it's entirely populated by homosexuals...
I did learn some things...
THINGS I LEARNED IN SOUTH AFRICA
1)Ketchup is tomato paste
2)There are burgers for men
3)Looking at extreme poverty can give one nightmares
4)You can get chutney flavored Lays chips
5)They eat candy in the shape of babies
6)Americans are unimpressive
7)Blankets are rugs
8)Mandela and MBheki (the current prez) are both Xhosa
9)In the winter it gets dark at 5pm
10)Combi buses (that's the public transportation) won't leave until they are full
11)Crepes are pancakes and pancakes are crumpets
12)The american dollar goes a long way, esp with food.
13)Everyone lives behind a locked fence
14)Alan Paton read the JB Phillips translation
15)Culture shock can make one not want to socialize
That's all I can think of now. For pictures from the trip, see norajeanpictures.blogspot.com
Contrary to what Joel told me he knew about South Africa:
1) nothing bad happens there
2) it's always warm
3) it's always nice
4) it's entirely populated by homosexuals...
I did learn some things...
THINGS I LEARNED IN SOUTH AFRICA
1)Ketchup is tomato paste
2)There are burgers for men
3)Looking at extreme poverty can give one nightmares
4)You can get chutney flavored Lays chips
5)They eat candy in the shape of babies
6)Americans are unimpressive
7)Blankets are rugs
8)Mandela and MBheki (the current prez) are both Xhosa
9)In the winter it gets dark at 5pm
10)Combi buses (that's the public transportation) won't leave until they are full
11)Crepes are pancakes and pancakes are crumpets
12)The american dollar goes a long way, esp with food.
13)Everyone lives behind a locked fence
14)Alan Paton read the JB Phillips translation
15)Culture shock can make one not want to socialize
That's all I can think of now. For pictures from the trip, see norajeanpictures.blogspot.com
Sunday, June 05, 2005
lifting stuff and moving stuff around
Hello people. I'm so tired I barely know what's going on. I'll give you a little update though.
I moved out this week. I now live with Erinn on Six and the big GR. The place is cool and it's nice to have to buy groceries. Yes, you heard that: It's nice to buy groceries. I forgot how much I love grocery shopping. It's empowering and fun and rewarding to see my old time favorites in the fridge--such as string cheese and vanilla creamer. So... I'm almost done moving in, though most of my books and all ove my DVDs and my bookshelf are at my parents' still. I beat the heat by a day, so I'm happy about that. I now live in Old Redford--interesting because I just wrote a song about it--Old Redford, that is.
I've also been moving stuff around at JCP. I've gotten lots of hours there lately because of inventory. If you've ever worked in retail, you must know what a pain inventory is. It happens once a year and they have to count everything in the store. So my job has been to go through every item and make sure it has a price tag to scan. Argh. I decided it was bad, but not as bad as Christmas. Nothing is as bad as Christmas in retail.
Finally, I've been moving stuff at the Jewish Ensemble Theater--today's the last day of props. Two of the prop crew--Annie and Joe, are in tech for a show at the Blackbird theater in Ypsi, so I've had to do every show this week (usually I've had 2 days, this week, five). The last show is tonight, after which I plan to go home and go to bed as early as possible, and because I don't have to work tomorrow, sleep in as late as possible.
Sorry the update was so boring. I think I'm generally more interesting when I'm awake.
I moved out this week. I now live with Erinn on Six and the big GR. The place is cool and it's nice to have to buy groceries. Yes, you heard that: It's nice to buy groceries. I forgot how much I love grocery shopping. It's empowering and fun and rewarding to see my old time favorites in the fridge--such as string cheese and vanilla creamer. So... I'm almost done moving in, though most of my books and all ove my DVDs and my bookshelf are at my parents' still. I beat the heat by a day, so I'm happy about that. I now live in Old Redford--interesting because I just wrote a song about it--Old Redford, that is.
I've also been moving stuff around at JCP. I've gotten lots of hours there lately because of inventory. If you've ever worked in retail, you must know what a pain inventory is. It happens once a year and they have to count everything in the store. So my job has been to go through every item and make sure it has a price tag to scan. Argh. I decided it was bad, but not as bad as Christmas. Nothing is as bad as Christmas in retail.
Finally, I've been moving stuff at the Jewish Ensemble Theater--today's the last day of props. Two of the prop crew--Annie and Joe, are in tech for a show at the Blackbird theater in Ypsi, so I've had to do every show this week (usually I've had 2 days, this week, five). The last show is tonight, after which I plan to go home and go to bed as early as possible, and because I don't have to work tomorrow, sleep in as late as possible.
Sorry the update was so boring. I think I'm generally more interesting when I'm awake.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
ee
Joel Mitchell writes me letters and, upon my request, sends me an ee cummings poem in each of them. This time he sent one to me over email. I thought it was good enough to post:
i am a little church(no great cathedral)
far from the splendor and squalor of hurrying cities
-i do not worry if briefer days grow briefest,
i am not sorry when sun and rain make april
my life is the life of the reaper and the sower;
my prayers are prayers of earth's own clumsily striving
(finding and losing and laughing and crying)children
whose any sadness or joy is my grief or my gladness
around me surges a miracle of unceasing
birth and glory and death and resurrection:
over my sleeping self float flaming symbols
of hope,and i wake to a perfect patience of mountains
i am a little church(far from the frantic
world with its rapture and anguish)at peace with nature
-i do not worry if longer nights grow longest;
i am not sorry when silence becomes singing
winter by spring,i lift my diminutive spire to
merciful Him Whose only now is forever:
standing erect in the deathless truth of His presence
(welcoming humbly His light and proudly His darkness)
I have yet to read something of his I don't like.
i am a little church(no great cathedral)
far from the splendor and squalor of hurrying cities
-i do not worry if briefer days grow briefest,
i am not sorry when sun and rain make april
my life is the life of the reaper and the sower;
my prayers are prayers of earth's own clumsily striving
(finding and losing and laughing and crying)children
whose any sadness or joy is my grief or my gladness
around me surges a miracle of unceasing
birth and glory and death and resurrection:
over my sleeping self float flaming symbols
of hope,and i wake to a perfect patience of mountains
i am a little church(far from the frantic
world with its rapture and anguish)at peace with nature
-i do not worry if longer nights grow longest;
i am not sorry when silence becomes singing
winter by spring,i lift my diminutive spire to
merciful Him Whose only now is forever:
standing erect in the deathless truth of His presence
(welcoming humbly His light and proudly His darkness)
I have yet to read something of his I don't like.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Priorities
While I put away merchandise (aka, STUFF) at my job I sometimes have conversations in my head with, yes God, but also Mr. Selles, the store manager. I imagine these. Who knows if I imagine the God ones. Anyway, today I imagined Mr. Selles pointing out that my socks were mismatched. And then I realized that matching my socks is my second to last priority, watching television being my last. And then I made a priority list for myself:
1st: Loving God
2nd: Loving people (like the first... hahaha)
3rd: The campout
4th: Feeding my addictions (caffeine, nicotine, sugar)
5th: Creating (writing, acting, you know, art)
6th: Travelling
7th: Laughing/Conversation (they tie or are intertwined. you pick)
8th: Work/Income (JC Penney's/JET Backstage)
9th: Dale's Tuesday Night Bible Study
10th: Listening to music
11th: Writing Letters
12th: Thinking about politics
13th: Reading/Watching movies or plays
14th: Eating
15th: Calling people back
16th: Emailing people back
17th: My clothes
18th: Showers
19th: Matching my socks
20th: Watching Television
That was fun. try it. Explot the mistakes in mine, if you want...
1st: Loving God
2nd: Loving people (like the first... hahaha)
3rd: The campout
4th: Feeding my addictions (caffeine, nicotine, sugar)
5th: Creating (writing, acting, you know, art)
6th: Travelling
7th: Laughing/Conversation (they tie or are intertwined. you pick)
8th: Work/Income (JC Penney's/JET Backstage)
9th: Dale's Tuesday Night Bible Study
10th: Listening to music
11th: Writing Letters
12th: Thinking about politics
13th: Reading/Watching movies or plays
14th: Eating
15th: Calling people back
16th: Emailing people back
17th: My clothes
18th: Showers
19th: Matching my socks
20th: Watching Television
That was fun. try it. Explot the mistakes in mine, if you want...
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Seven drinks away?
Your Brain is 20.00% Female, 80.00% Male |
You've got the brain of a manly man Feelings, schmeelings... tears aren't for you. You could break both legs and not get misty eyed. A great problem solver, nothing ever phases you. |
All right, Annie. Your turn.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Best Thing I heard all week
Brian Moroski, the guy who put together Big Doings last year, used to have smaller doings called "Out of the comfort zone." On the invitation/flyers he sent in the mail, he put an Elvis stamp on them. Underneath the stamp he wrote: Ezekiel 30:13.
Those who took the time to look it up got to read:
Ezekiel 30:13:
This is what the Sovereign Lord says, "I will destroy the idols and put an end to the images in Memphis."
Those who took the time to look it up got to read:
Ezekiel 30:13:
This is what the Sovereign Lord says, "I will destroy the idols and put an end to the images in Memphis."
Listening to Tom
Tom Waits has hovered around me for many years and I just recently dove in to his many CDs we have around the house. This is thanks to Mr. Dale Batten who dedicated about an hour after his irreverent Bible Study, Tuesday night, to getting Meg, Lisa, and me hooked on Tom Waits' music. I left his house wondering what on earth Tom was getting at when he wrote the lyrics:
hen the weather gets rough
and it's whiskey in the shade
Ii's best to wrap your savior
up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy
but that's ok
Pour him over ice cream
for a nice parfait
In his Chocolate Jesus song. I knew I loved it, but I didn't know why. Lisa and I talked about what we thought the song meant, and it turned out that we were pretty much right--we said it's a comment on how "accessable" people make Jesus for themselves. That line pretty much depicts that. I think it's pretty amazing.
After Dale's, I've been listening to his CDs incessently. I decided today at JC Penney that you can pretty much gauge that a soul is good if the person listens to Tom Waits.
Much of his content is poetry with some kind of jazz in the background. It's great poetry. I think you can pretty much gauge that a soul is good if the person reads poetry.
hen the weather gets rough
and it's whiskey in the shade
Ii's best to wrap your savior
up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy
but that's ok
Pour him over ice cream
for a nice parfait
In his Chocolate Jesus song. I knew I loved it, but I didn't know why. Lisa and I talked about what we thought the song meant, and it turned out that we were pretty much right--we said it's a comment on how "accessable" people make Jesus for themselves. That line pretty much depicts that. I think it's pretty amazing.
After Dale's, I've been listening to his CDs incessently. I decided today at JC Penney that you can pretty much gauge that a soul is good if the person listens to Tom Waits.
Much of his content is poetry with some kind of jazz in the background. It's great poetry. I think you can pretty much gauge that a soul is good if the person reads poetry.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Hello Kids. and update for you.
I've been avoiding the blog. Can't say why. I'm at the JET (Jewish Ensemble Theater) where I now work as prop crew. They're doing Brighton Beach Memoirs. My friend Ms. Annie Palmer got me the job because she could only do half of the shows. It's nice to be a part of another show--continue on with my role in the theater community. This one will last me until the week before I leave for South Africa.
So, I'm going to South Africa on June 19th. I'll come back July 19th. I'm pretty excited, as you can imagine. I've been told that my eyes twinkle at the idea of travelling. We'll see how I feel after 2 days on a plane. But the good news is that lisa bought me a digital camera so I can take pictures and post 'em. Hurray Hurray. It's good to have good friends.
Other news: teaching sunday school was a blast today. Mainly because I make the kids draw pictures after the teaching and they have to explain them. These kids are, oh, 15. And they are a trip! Knowing they have to draw increases their focus, I've noticed. I like teaching in general.
still other news: I'm moving out with Erinn soon. Maybe at the end of this month. HUrray! I can have company again, without getting grimmed by my parents.
So, I'm going to South Africa on June 19th. I'll come back July 19th. I'm pretty excited, as you can imagine. I've been told that my eyes twinkle at the idea of travelling. We'll see how I feel after 2 days on a plane. But the good news is that lisa bought me a digital camera so I can take pictures and post 'em. Hurray Hurray. It's good to have good friends.
Other news: teaching sunday school was a blast today. Mainly because I make the kids draw pictures after the teaching and they have to explain them. These kids are, oh, 15. And they are a trip! Knowing they have to draw increases their focus, I've noticed. I like teaching in general.
still other news: I'm moving out with Erinn soon. Maybe at the end of this month. HUrray! I can have company again, without getting grimmed by my parents.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Lyrics
I wrote a song! I rather like it. Here's the lyrics:
Feeling First (based on an ee cummings poem)
"I think that in a past life I must have been a pirate
They tried to teach me about my life from books
And I set out for the sea
Now I'm just a little girl who's read of many places
And bored as hell from living in a Detroit Library.
Chorus:
Good Lord get me out of here,
Sweet Jesus rescue me
And save me from the doldrums of a one-place-destiny.
I've been itching for the road just as long as I have known
That kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
Teach me how to breath by breathing on a mountain top
Teach me how to walk by walking on an old dusty road
Teach me how to love by strolling under nightlife city streetlights
Teach me how to find my balance sailing on a weathered sailboat.
Chorus
Fill my life with faces of friends and enemies
By loving them I'll learn to love you more
Teach me about sorrow from dining with the rich
Teach me about joy from laughing with the poor
Chorus
Teach me to forgive from forgiving
Teach me how to love from loving
Teach me how to give from giving
Teach me how to live from living
I stand before you Jesus as an open book
My empty pages waiting for your pen
'Cause no one tells a story like a Living Word
So kiss me Lord, and let my life begin"
And Chuck Wilkinson said it sounded like Woody Guthrie! Ta DA! Take that fascists! Hahaha.
Feeling First (based on an ee cummings poem)
"I think that in a past life I must have been a pirate
They tried to teach me about my life from books
And I set out for the sea
Now I'm just a little girl who's read of many places
And bored as hell from living in a Detroit Library.
Chorus:
Good Lord get me out of here,
Sweet Jesus rescue me
And save me from the doldrums of a one-place-destiny.
I've been itching for the road just as long as I have known
That kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
Teach me how to breath by breathing on a mountain top
Teach me how to walk by walking on an old dusty road
Teach me how to love by strolling under nightlife city streetlights
Teach me how to find my balance sailing on a weathered sailboat.
Chorus
Fill my life with faces of friends and enemies
By loving them I'll learn to love you more
Teach me about sorrow from dining with the rich
Teach me about joy from laughing with the poor
Chorus
Teach me to forgive from forgiving
Teach me how to love from loving
Teach me how to give from giving
Teach me how to live from living
I stand before you Jesus as an open book
My empty pages waiting for your pen
'Cause no one tells a story like a Living Word
So kiss me Lord, and let my life begin"
And Chuck Wilkinson said it sounded like Woody Guthrie! Ta DA! Take that fascists! Hahaha.
NOW
Okay, sorry people. I have news.
Last week, Monday, the mailman traded the check I had for my summer trip to South Africa for a rejection letter from the Fulbright people. So, I didn't get it. I'm taking the trip to South Africa anyway. Who the hell would pass that up?
The good news is, I've been happy!
Don't ask me about my plans. I don't have them and I am damned proud of it. I decided to stop living in the future. I hope she won't get mad at me when I write this next bit, but something Lisa prompted me to say must be documented. On Sunday we went to see my friend Dan Kahn play at a crowded brewery in Detroit... I was standing on a chair so I could see (it was that crowded). Lisa was explaining to someone (was it me?) that her life begins in August, after the campout. She means that the new path she's on, her teaching internship and masters degree, starts then. But when I heard "My life begins in August," I stomped on the chair and yelled, "My life begins NOW!"
I like that.
Don't worry, the place was loud and hardly anyone turned and looked.
I've been happy. I got another job, running props at the JET's new show, "Brighton Beach Memoirs." For someone who has quit theater, I do an awful lot of it. I really haven't stopped since February. So now I'm in rehearsal for that. I'm splitting the job with my friend Annie that I met in Anne Frank (she played Charlie in Manny). I'm very grateful for her helping me to get that job because I need money. I've also been getting about 30 hours at JCP, so I'm making much more money for May and June than I had expected. I should be set for my trip and just about ready to move out by the post-campout period.
Move out where? I'm not going to answer that! I live in now, now. (Detroit, Wayne State area, as of NOW... :P). I have been putting away JCP stuff and dreaming about having my own little tiny place that I can pull out my guitar, my computer, or my monologues and not have to deal with anyone listening. I want to live alone so bad. And it's so practical! But we'll see what opens up. For all I know I might fall in love with South Africa during my three weeks there and move there.
The Lord is taking good care of me, putting good people in my life. I left Manny in the Mirror knowing that I've never worked with such love amongst a cast before. Theater has brought me piles of friends around here... so that's why I want to stick around. And I get to do theater here. I like the idea that I'm using my degree. But it's the people, mostly.
The night I found out the disappointing news, I called Joel and he read me poetry to make me laugh. I think the first time I laughed all night was when he read the first poem, which goes:
Don't be angry
I'm in bed thinking
Of you at work.
(That's the whole poem.)
Today I recited that for the ladies at JC Penney's and they ate it up. The breakroom shook with laughter. It was the perfect place to share those perfect three lines. But anyway, I'm greatful for Joel for being for me then. I have what I need when I need it. And if you don't know Joel Mitchell, you should.
I've been living in poetry. Writing songs, writing poems, reading poems. I've fallen in love with words again. I think writing puts me in "now" more than anything. It's much easier to write when I'm just enjoying what's around me. And I have been! I've been more self-entertained than ever. I've enjoyed entire days, even those in retail, because I've been noticing things more and laughing more.
The Lord has been very good to me, as they say. I'm starting my day reading Matthew and then I find that I'm thinking about Jesus all day, the things he's done in that book. For example, I read today about when Jesus asks Peter to drop his fishing career and follow Him. As a result, Peter would be surrounded by people to love, as a "fisher of men" (people laugh at that verse, I do all the time, but I'm seeing what it means now, more than ever.) I've decided to follow Jesus instead of leaning on my own understanding. I've been trusting Him and dumping the idea of planning out my future. As a result, my life has been filled with people to love. And that's what being a fisher of men is--loving one another, as Jesus loves us. I've been crazy about Jesus and know it's no coincidence that I'm crazy about people too. And it's no coincidence that in being in love with Jesus and people, I've been in love with life.
Life is good. That ain't no lie.
Last week, Monday, the mailman traded the check I had for my summer trip to South Africa for a rejection letter from the Fulbright people. So, I didn't get it. I'm taking the trip to South Africa anyway. Who the hell would pass that up?
The good news is, I've been happy!
Don't ask me about my plans. I don't have them and I am damned proud of it. I decided to stop living in the future. I hope she won't get mad at me when I write this next bit, but something Lisa prompted me to say must be documented. On Sunday we went to see my friend Dan Kahn play at a crowded brewery in Detroit... I was standing on a chair so I could see (it was that crowded). Lisa was explaining to someone (was it me?) that her life begins in August, after the campout. She means that the new path she's on, her teaching internship and masters degree, starts then. But when I heard "My life begins in August," I stomped on the chair and yelled, "My life begins NOW!"
I like that.
Don't worry, the place was loud and hardly anyone turned and looked.
I've been happy. I got another job, running props at the JET's new show, "Brighton Beach Memoirs." For someone who has quit theater, I do an awful lot of it. I really haven't stopped since February. So now I'm in rehearsal for that. I'm splitting the job with my friend Annie that I met in Anne Frank (she played Charlie in Manny). I'm very grateful for her helping me to get that job because I need money. I've also been getting about 30 hours at JCP, so I'm making much more money for May and June than I had expected. I should be set for my trip and just about ready to move out by the post-campout period.
Move out where? I'm not going to answer that! I live in now, now. (Detroit, Wayne State area, as of NOW... :P). I have been putting away JCP stuff and dreaming about having my own little tiny place that I can pull out my guitar, my computer, or my monologues and not have to deal with anyone listening. I want to live alone so bad. And it's so practical! But we'll see what opens up. For all I know I might fall in love with South Africa during my three weeks there and move there.
The Lord is taking good care of me, putting good people in my life. I left Manny in the Mirror knowing that I've never worked with such love amongst a cast before. Theater has brought me piles of friends around here... so that's why I want to stick around. And I get to do theater here. I like the idea that I'm using my degree. But it's the people, mostly.
The night I found out the disappointing news, I called Joel and he read me poetry to make me laugh. I think the first time I laughed all night was when he read the first poem, which goes:
Don't be angry
I'm in bed thinking
Of you at work.
(That's the whole poem.)
Today I recited that for the ladies at JC Penney's and they ate it up. The breakroom shook with laughter. It was the perfect place to share those perfect three lines. But anyway, I'm greatful for Joel for being for me then. I have what I need when I need it. And if you don't know Joel Mitchell, you should.
I've been living in poetry. Writing songs, writing poems, reading poems. I've fallen in love with words again. I think writing puts me in "now" more than anything. It's much easier to write when I'm just enjoying what's around me. And I have been! I've been more self-entertained than ever. I've enjoyed entire days, even those in retail, because I've been noticing things more and laughing more.
The Lord has been very good to me, as they say. I'm starting my day reading Matthew and then I find that I'm thinking about Jesus all day, the things he's done in that book. For example, I read today about when Jesus asks Peter to drop his fishing career and follow Him. As a result, Peter would be surrounded by people to love, as a "fisher of men" (people laugh at that verse, I do all the time, but I'm seeing what it means now, more than ever.) I've decided to follow Jesus instead of leaning on my own understanding. I've been trusting Him and dumping the idea of planning out my future. As a result, my life has been filled with people to love. And that's what being a fisher of men is--loving one another, as Jesus loves us. I've been crazy about Jesus and know it's no coincidence that I'm crazy about people too. And it's no coincidence that in being in love with Jesus and people, I've been in love with life.
Life is good. That ain't no lie.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Manny Info
Sorry I made you all miss the first weekend.
WHAT: Manny and the Mirror, a Rock Opera
WHEN: The last two weekends in April, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
HOW MUCH: Thurs and Fri--$10. Saturday--$15
WHERE: The Planet Ant Theater.
Get off of 75 at the Holbrook/Caniff exit. If you're coming from 75 North (coming from the South... Confusing!), drive along the Chrysler service drive for a bit and turn Right on Caniff. If you're coming from 75 South, that is, coming from the Northward direction, turn Left on Caniff almost immediately after you exit.
Once you're on Caniff. Drive straight until you see a purple building with an ant painted in the side. It's on your left. There will be the Hamtramk library on your right. You'll see the Ant. It's purple. Park for free on the street or in the library lot.
WHO: I'm playing a siren/13 year old church girl. They are not two characters, they are the same person, I'm pretty sure. Don't come to gain insight and understanding in the storyline. Rather, come to ROCK OUT!
MORE INFO: planetant.com
WHAT: Manny and the Mirror, a Rock Opera
WHEN: The last two weekends in April, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
HOW MUCH: Thurs and Fri--$10. Saturday--$15
WHERE: The Planet Ant Theater.
Get off of 75 at the Holbrook/Caniff exit. If you're coming from 75 North (coming from the South... Confusing!), drive along the Chrysler service drive for a bit and turn Right on Caniff. If you're coming from 75 South, that is, coming from the Northward direction, turn Left on Caniff almost immediately after you exit.
Once you're on Caniff. Drive straight until you see a purple building with an ant painted in the side. It's on your left. There will be the Hamtramk library on your right. You'll see the Ant. It's purple. Park for free on the street or in the library lot.
WHO: I'm playing a siren/13 year old church girl. They are not two characters, they are the same person, I'm pretty sure. Don't come to gain insight and understanding in the storyline. Rather, come to ROCK OUT!
MORE INFO: planetant.com
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
A Damned Good Day.
Today was so perfect that I think I should go to bed before something bad happens.
I woke up at Lisa's and had breakfast for the first time in a long time, it seems. My first obligation was to help Blair with the poetry workshop at Hannan House. The people there were a trip up the old staircase (as I like to say). We wrote letter poems to our feet! Every poem was quite different, as you would imagine. Most of the poems were asking the feet why they don't cooperate. I wrote one asking my feet not to cooperate with my mind--to get me out of bed in the morning so I wouldn't lie there thinking about things I can't help. Confused? Maybe it was one of those "You had to be there"s.
Then I had three hours to kill before rehearsal, also by Wayne State (in a Woodbridge Apartment). So first I walked to Barnes and Noble and bought Hedwig and the Angry Inch (I want to put a song from there on a "Roadtrip Reflection" CD Lisa and I are vainly putting together... It has songs that to us resemble our experiences at each stop. I would tell you which Hedwig song, and which location, but it's the only choice I feel guilty about!). Nate's old boss, Reggie, helped me find the CD. I really love Reggie (I've talked to him twice), and it was worth the walk down there.
Then I went to the Meetery Eatery Coffee House on Woodward and worked on a short story for about an hour and a half. My friend Joel from Anne Frank exposed me to this place. It's very cute and maybe classy. They play really good background music--India Arie type stuff, jazzy black women voices and hip hop beats... Joel and I went there one day to see a poetry reading. After waiting an hour and a half and no poetry, we scadaddled over to the DFT to see ten minutes of a foreign film (We didn't pay because we have friends in high places). That was about a month ago or something... Today, after writing, I also studied a script that the kids at Maple (School with classes for Homeschoolers) are performing. I'm going to kind of take over the Robin Hood play that the 5-10 year olds are performing. Five year olds on stage? With Lines? You betcha... My first goal is to get them to slow the hell down. They all talk too quietly and too fast. But man are they cute. Anyway, so I prepared for this at the Meetery Eatery. And then I ran into Bethany Patterson (Who, by the way, is in my phone as BAD... This is because that's what appeared on my phone's screen when I typed her name in. I love it when she calls because BAD shows up. Ask me what you're in my phone as.)
Then I had rehearsal for Manny and the Mirror. We had our first run through and I decided that I really like a lot of the music in our little rock opera. Come see it! I'll make a post with performance details... Some day... When I have them. I learned today that Joel calls the show "Immanuel and his Looking Glass." He's not working on the show this year (they've put it one before, three times or something...), and Joel AD'd (I think?) previous productions. Anyway, hearing that he called it that made me miss him a lot.
I woke up at Lisa's and had breakfast for the first time in a long time, it seems. My first obligation was to help Blair with the poetry workshop at Hannan House. The people there were a trip up the old staircase (as I like to say). We wrote letter poems to our feet! Every poem was quite different, as you would imagine. Most of the poems were asking the feet why they don't cooperate. I wrote one asking my feet not to cooperate with my mind--to get me out of bed in the morning so I wouldn't lie there thinking about things I can't help. Confused? Maybe it was one of those "You had to be there"s.
Then I had three hours to kill before rehearsal, also by Wayne State (in a Woodbridge Apartment). So first I walked to Barnes and Noble and bought Hedwig and the Angry Inch (I want to put a song from there on a "Roadtrip Reflection" CD Lisa and I are vainly putting together... It has songs that to us resemble our experiences at each stop. I would tell you which Hedwig song, and which location, but it's the only choice I feel guilty about!). Nate's old boss, Reggie, helped me find the CD. I really love Reggie (I've talked to him twice), and it was worth the walk down there.
Then I went to the Meetery Eatery Coffee House on Woodward and worked on a short story for about an hour and a half. My friend Joel from Anne Frank exposed me to this place. It's very cute and maybe classy. They play really good background music--India Arie type stuff, jazzy black women voices and hip hop beats... Joel and I went there one day to see a poetry reading. After waiting an hour and a half and no poetry, we scadaddled over to the DFT to see ten minutes of a foreign film (We didn't pay because we have friends in high places). That was about a month ago or something... Today, after writing, I also studied a script that the kids at Maple (School with classes for Homeschoolers) are performing. I'm going to kind of take over the Robin Hood play that the 5-10 year olds are performing. Five year olds on stage? With Lines? You betcha... My first goal is to get them to slow the hell down. They all talk too quietly and too fast. But man are they cute. Anyway, so I prepared for this at the Meetery Eatery. And then I ran into Bethany Patterson (Who, by the way, is in my phone as BAD... This is because that's what appeared on my phone's screen when I typed her name in. I love it when she calls because BAD shows up. Ask me what you're in my phone as.)
Then I had rehearsal for Manny and the Mirror. We had our first run through and I decided that I really like a lot of the music in our little rock opera. Come see it! I'll make a post with performance details... Some day... When I have them. I learned today that Joel calls the show "Immanuel and his Looking Glass." He's not working on the show this year (they've put it one before, three times or something...), and Joel AD'd (I think?) previous productions. Anyway, hearing that he called it that made me miss him a lot.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Happy Birthday Ian
My brother turns twenty-seven today. He's in Lansing this weekend working at their film festival, and then he returns to Chicago. Last Sunday I spent a lot of time with him--he came to the Walking Project walk in Detroit with me and then we drove out to my Aunt Judy's for Easter dinner. Those who know me know how much I love my brother...
I haven't lived with him for over nine years. It's very easy to love someone who you don't live with. Do you ever notice that? Not to say that if I lived with him I wouldn't love him, but I probably wouldn't be as aware of it. Funny how that is.
I haven't lived with him for over nine years. It's very easy to love someone who you don't live with. Do you ever notice that? Not to say that if I lived with him I wouldn't love him, but I probably wouldn't be as aware of it. Funny how that is.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Today was a "Listen to The Bends" kind of day: heavy, dark, chilling, and eventually cynical.
Once I was having a free-style writing session (we called it a "writing party") with Bethany Goad and Rebecca Ridenour and Bethany wrote something about how she felt when she listened to Radiohead that went something like this:
"I am the coolest girl alive because I'm listening to cool music. People pass me byon the way to class and look at me and they have no idea how cool I am..."
That recount of her words didn't capture the slightest hint of how hilarious a thing she really wrote... Good Lord do I miss her... But I was so amused by how she recorded Radiohead to make her feel when she listened to it. When I listen to them I feel like I'm listening to my tribe's background music--like I've touched some kind of dark reality. I feel relieved (in a way) that I can channel my cynicism through my ears. And yet, I guess I have to agree with "Bose" that I, too, feel pretty cool when I listen to them.
Once I was having a free-style writing session (we called it a "writing party") with Bethany Goad and Rebecca Ridenour and Bethany wrote something about how she felt when she listened to Radiohead that went something like this:
"I am the coolest girl alive because I'm listening to cool music. People pass me byon the way to class and look at me and they have no idea how cool I am..."
That recount of her words didn't capture the slightest hint of how hilarious a thing she really wrote... Good Lord do I miss her... But I was so amused by how she recorded Radiohead to make her feel when she listened to it. When I listen to them I feel like I'm listening to my tribe's background music--like I've touched some kind of dark reality. I feel relieved (in a way) that I can channel my cynicism through my ears. And yet, I guess I have to agree with "Bose" that I, too, feel pretty cool when I listen to them.
