In the light of night
In the dead of day
What are you trying to say?
Through the backdoor
Scratch of a flapping screen
What do you want me to see?
You’ve been here before
You’ll come here again
The beginning, middle, and end.
What are you trying to say?
What do you want me to see?
The beginning, the middle, the end
In everything
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
sometimes, on days such as today, i just need to do this
things that make me smile
free guitar lessons * p'george's MSN pictures * barack obama's teeth * twangy singing * hearing harry m talking referencing theology and greek and then remembering how much education he's had* the thai alphabet on my keyboard (example: ภรนวสุหรึถัดหคเก๗มฒ้นด) * the thai interpretation of "pizza" * ads that say "special bra for fun and dream" * bra vendors on the street * not always having to wear bras * talking about my bra in public * the mexican figurines next to my computer * my walk through a tropical garden to get to work * asian bangles on cell phones * running my thumbtip over my calluses on my fingertips * the fact that i told a pentacostal girl i thought i might have the gift of interpreting tongues * this youtube clip of the karate kid and steve vai in a guitar battle--no idea what the hell that was * flip flops year 'round * the fact that "porn" means "the best" in thai * jamaican accents * the fact that i wrote "thumbtip" * rolling r's * private businesses * utter nonsense
free guitar lessons * p'george's MSN pictures * barack obama's teeth * twangy singing * hearing harry m talking referencing theology and greek and then remembering how much education he's had* the thai alphabet on my keyboard (example: ภรนวสุหรึถัดหคเก๗มฒ้นด) * the thai interpretation of "pizza" * ads that say "special bra for fun and dream" * bra vendors on the street * not always having to wear bras * talking about my bra in public * the mexican figurines next to my computer * my walk through a tropical garden to get to work * asian bangles on cell phones * running my thumbtip over my calluses on my fingertips * the fact that i told a pentacostal girl i thought i might have the gift of interpreting tongues * this youtube clip of the karate kid and steve vai in a guitar battle--no idea what the hell that was * flip flops year 'round * the fact that "porn" means "the best" in thai * jamaican accents * the fact that i wrote "thumbtip" * rolling r's * private businesses * utter nonsense
(1) Lord (2) Buddha (3) King
Summer heated Buddha tucked into a mountainside
Naga’s seven heads bare her fangs
You stand and watch, carefree as a war bride
The best part of this movie has been censored out
In the morning there are better things to think about
Prah jaw, Prah Jaw
The Lord, The Buddha, The King
Prah Jaw Prah Jaw
Most High.
Above everything.
You’ve traded yer tradition for ambition
Sayin’ Prah jaw is bigger than a Christmas tree
Ramkahmhaeng's a rousing superstition
Just a build a fort of blindness, keep the demons out
In the morning there are better things to think about.
Prah Jaw, Prah Jaw
The Lord, The Buddha, The King
Prah Jaw Prah Jaw
Most High.
Above everything.
Float outside the city and remember how to breathe
Drink a thousand rivers worth of words
Just when you’ve figured out what to believe
You fall asleep, end up on another route
Prah Jaw throughout
Prah Jaw, Prah Jaw
The Lord, The Buddha, The King
Prah Jaw Prah Jaw
Most High.
Above everything.
Another Buddha tucked inside a temple, cold and still
The people pray into his lifeless eyes
Prah jaw listens anyway, until
Prah Jaw throughout.
Throughout.
Naga’s seven heads bare her fangs
You stand and watch, carefree as a war bride
The best part of this movie has been censored out
In the morning there are better things to think about
Prah jaw, Prah Jaw
The Lord, The Buddha, The King
Prah Jaw Prah Jaw
Most High.
Above everything.
You’ve traded yer tradition for ambition
Sayin’ Prah jaw is bigger than a Christmas tree
Ramkahmhaeng's a rousing superstition
Just a build a fort of blindness, keep the demons out
In the morning there are better things to think about.
Prah Jaw, Prah Jaw
The Lord, The Buddha, The King
Prah Jaw Prah Jaw
Most High.
Above everything.
Float outside the city and remember how to breathe
Drink a thousand rivers worth of words
Just when you’ve figured out what to believe
You fall asleep, end up on another route
Prah Jaw throughout
Prah Jaw, Prah Jaw
The Lord, The Buddha, The King
Prah Jaw Prah Jaw
Most High.
Above everything.
Another Buddha tucked inside a temple, cold and still
The people pray into his lifeless eyes
Prah jaw listens anyway, until
Prah Jaw throughout.
Throughout.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
In 2006
I'm copying this idea from Lisa's blog.
Okay, here's what I did in 2006. (Not really in any particular order)
1) Performed at the Performance Network and Boorshead in "Moonglow" (and actually playing a dance role. I'm still wondering how that happened)
2) Formed the Elmore's with Alec (and left the band hanging. One day... in Chicago, where dreams come true)
3) Spent my very first "afternoon in a recording studio" as a musician.
4) House sat in an amazing house... across the street from an old acting prof.
5) Directed a childrens show
6) Served half a term on the Park Player's board
7) Babysat for the Vitales and Garretts
8) Worked at Greenfield Village
9) Lived with Erinn on Bentler
10) Manny Four? Five? Who the hell knows.
11) Moved to Thailand
12) Taught six weeks of English classes and basically chilled ever since
13) Spent my first full year in a relationship (with Joel)
14) Did another round of Anne Frank
15) Wrote one essay, one short story, and some songs.
16) Discovered Cliff's Bells and the Gypsy Strings
17) Saw Tom Waits in concert
18) Learned a fair amount of Thai
19) Found the loveliest church in Bangkok
20) Survived two muggings (one in the D, one in the B)
21) Housesat for a large amount of cats that i did not anticipate.
22) Endured that van
23) Spent more time IMing Lisa (and Xander) on my mornings then doing just about anything else since I've been here.
24) Expanded my tolerance for: spices, roaches, weird smells, pollution, and grime.
25) Met the Japanese Ambassador to Thailand
26) Sold my soul to facebook
27) Read The Science Trilogy (again), The Velvet Elvis, Harry Potter 1-6, 2/3 Godless Compass books, Night, and lots of poems. I think I read more. I can't remember.
28) Got to know my waterbee from afar.
29) Did six days of a lemonade fast. I swear it cleared my sinuses.
30) Learned all about Sanuk (that's a thai virtue of adding fun into every activity, or basically laughing every chance you get)
31) Volunteered a little with Night Light
32) Took the GRE after spending hours learning vocab words that weren't on the test
33) Saw a coup d'tat
34) Saw Thailand's biggest floods in decades
35) Saw the biggest Christmas Tree in SouthEast Asia
37) Went to sleep before midnight for the first time on New Year's Eve
38) Went to a US Embassy for the first time (not that exciting, though it was the day the dems took the house and senate, so that made it slightly more interesting)
39) Spent my first Christmas away from home (perhaps my last, perhaps.)
40) Saw the biggest Buddha in Thailand
41) Went to two weddings in Thailand, one traditional, one "western"
42) Recorded/directed a radio version of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow.
43) Thai Karaoked. It's a lot different than American Karaoke.
44) Learned a lot.
Okay, here's what I did in 2006. (Not really in any particular order)
1) Performed at the Performance Network and Boorshead in "Moonglow" (and actually playing a dance role. I'm still wondering how that happened)
2) Formed the Elmore's with Alec (and left the band hanging. One day... in Chicago, where dreams come true)
3) Spent my very first "afternoon in a recording studio" as a musician.
4) House sat in an amazing house... across the street from an old acting prof.
5) Directed a childrens show
6) Served half a term on the Park Player's board
7) Babysat for the Vitales and Garretts
8) Worked at Greenfield Village
9) Lived with Erinn on Bentler
10) Manny Four? Five? Who the hell knows.
11) Moved to Thailand
12) Taught six weeks of English classes and basically chilled ever since
13) Spent my first full year in a relationship (with Joel)
14) Did another round of Anne Frank
15) Wrote one essay, one short story, and some songs.
16) Discovered Cliff's Bells and the Gypsy Strings
17) Saw Tom Waits in concert
18) Learned a fair amount of Thai
19) Found the loveliest church in Bangkok
20) Survived two muggings (one in the D, one in the B)
21) Housesat for a large amount of cats that i did not anticipate.
22) Endured that van
23) Spent more time IMing Lisa (and Xander) on my mornings then doing just about anything else since I've been here.
24) Expanded my tolerance for: spices, roaches, weird smells, pollution, and grime.
25) Met the Japanese Ambassador to Thailand
26) Sold my soul to facebook
27) Read The Science Trilogy (again), The Velvet Elvis, Harry Potter 1-6, 2/3 Godless Compass books, Night, and lots of poems. I think I read more. I can't remember.
28) Got to know my waterbee from afar.
29) Did six days of a lemonade fast. I swear it cleared my sinuses.
30) Learned all about Sanuk (that's a thai virtue of adding fun into every activity, or basically laughing every chance you get)
31) Volunteered a little with Night Light
32) Took the GRE after spending hours learning vocab words that weren't on the test
33) Saw a coup d'tat
34) Saw Thailand's biggest floods in decades
35) Saw the biggest Christmas Tree in SouthEast Asia
37) Went to sleep before midnight for the first time on New Year's Eve
38) Went to a US Embassy for the first time (not that exciting, though it was the day the dems took the house and senate, so that made it slightly more interesting)
39) Spent my first Christmas away from home (perhaps my last, perhaps.)
40) Saw the biggest Buddha in Thailand
41) Went to two weddings in Thailand, one traditional, one "western"
42) Recorded/directed a radio version of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow.
43) Thai Karaoked. It's a lot different than American Karaoke.
44) Learned a lot.
Monday, January 01, 2007
My friend P'George sent this message to my phone today:
May the Bangkok bombs turn into explosive wealth and fame for you in 2007
Confused?http://edition.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/01/01/thailand.blasts.reut/index.html
May the Bangkok bombs turn into explosive wealth and fame for you in 2007
Confused?http://edition.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/01/01/thailand.blasts.reut/index.html
Monday, December 18, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
i may be paranoid, but it seems as if the majority of the words I have to learn for the GRE are about negative things: pusillanimous, harangue, fulsome, and vitriolic.
My guess is that the ratio of negative to positive definitions is 3:1
God bless the mouths that are fed off of all the money I'm dishing into this test...
My guess is that the ratio of negative to positive definitions is 3:1
God bless the mouths that are fed off of all the money I'm dishing into this test...
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Today's ee
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
A thing like facebook can be detrimental to one who has too many acquiantances. For instance, the other day I got a request from someone named Joshua. I did not recognize this guy but I figured that I must know him from
a) middleschool?
b) high school?
c) Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat when I was like, ten?
d)Was one of the munchkins in the Wizard of Oz but he's all grown up now?
e) My section for Anthro 101?
g) What about my Modern Dance Class in 2004?
f) In a tap class with me when I was eleven?
h) In Redford Youth Theater?
i) Someone I met at the Brothers on a particularly "Zooropa" -ish day ?
g) Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp in '94?
h) Mosiac Youth Theater?
i) On a soccer team with me when I was eight?
j) In the shoe dept at JC Penneys?
k) An audition?
l) From Marjorie's church youth group?
m) 5th Grade?
n) From the United Generation Council anti-drug summer job I had my soph. year of HS?
o) Dance class at James' house?
p) Michigan Opera Theater?
q) RYT when it was Tinderbox?
r) Gymnastics when I was pre-11 years?
s) One of the students I met in South Africa?
t) Someone I was particularly friendly with at a rest stop in Tennessee?
u) Applebees?
v) From InterVarsity?
w) Worked in the Animal Testing Lab with me?
x) How about the Bug Range?
y) A frequent visitor of the Jamaican Jerk Pit?
z) Preschool?
I accepted his request, as he could have been from any of those places. Then I saw that we had no mutual friends. Hm.
Days passed.
Today I got a "friend detail request." Thank Jesus! The mystery can be solved. Yep, it was Joshua.
He put that I was his "Facebook Friend."
What the hell is a facebook friend?
I don't know, Josh. You tell me.
a) middleschool?
b) high school?
c) Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat when I was like, ten?
d)Was one of the munchkins in the Wizard of Oz but he's all grown up now?
e) My section for Anthro 101?
g) What about my Modern Dance Class in 2004?
f) In a tap class with me when I was eleven?
h) In Redford Youth Theater?
i) Someone I met at the Brothers on a particularly "Zooropa" -ish day ?
g) Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp in '94?
h) Mosiac Youth Theater?
i) On a soccer team with me when I was eight?
j) In the shoe dept at JC Penneys?
k) An audition?
l) From Marjorie's church youth group?
m) 5th Grade?
n) From the United Generation Council anti-drug summer job I had my soph. year of HS?
o) Dance class at James' house?
p) Michigan Opera Theater?
q) RYT when it was Tinderbox?
r) Gymnastics when I was pre-11 years?
s) One of the students I met in South Africa?
t) Someone I was particularly friendly with at a rest stop in Tennessee?
u) Applebees?
v) From InterVarsity?
w) Worked in the Animal Testing Lab with me?
x) How about the Bug Range?
y) A frequent visitor of the Jamaican Jerk Pit?
z) Preschool?
I accepted his request, as he could have been from any of those places. Then I saw that we had no mutual friends. Hm.
Days passed.
Today I got a "friend detail request." Thank Jesus! The mystery can be solved. Yep, it was Joshua.
He put that I was his "Facebook Friend."
What the hell is a facebook friend?
I don't know, Josh. You tell me.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
i miss
dive bars that don't have prostitutes in them
redskinned mashed potatoes
cigarettes
sweaters
ebonics
having a kitchen
hymns
upstairs at the ant
jukeboxes that have songs in english. good songs, i mean.
meals that don't involve rice or noodles
i don't miss
plexiglas
cleaning the sink and around the sink
driving
boxed macaroni and cheese
the post-audition waiting period
socks
dive bars that don't have prostitutes in them
redskinned mashed potatoes
cigarettes
sweaters
ebonics
having a kitchen
hymns
upstairs at the ant
jukeboxes that have songs in english. good songs, i mean.
meals that don't involve rice or noodles
i don't miss
plexiglas
cleaning the sink and around the sink
driving
boxed macaroni and cheese
the post-audition waiting period
socks
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Back to this Blog
After some consideration, I decided that I miss my outlet for thoughts that I'd like to broadcast that aren't really intended for the general audience. I like my Bangkok blog, but sometimes I just want to be random and I am tired of hitting the "Publish" button wondering how that thought will go over... So I'm going to add to this one occasionally, for those find that they still check it. I guess it's going to be esoteric now and I won't be expecting comments.
Here's what I've been thinking about. I'm tired of feeling that there is restrictions on what I can say about my faith in my writing. Who am I writing for, I wonder? Are there enough people like me out there who will care about what I have to say about Jesus? About injustice? These thoughts are kind of discouraging to me. Maybe I shouldn't have so much of an agenda. In my latest story I wrote about working at a dying department store at christmastime. I tried to just write about my coworker, but I knew all sorts of things would come out. She was obsessed with racism, so that's in there. I can't write about her and not have her obsessed with it. Also, the people around her were obsessed with Jesus. Anyway, I don't want to have all these hidden agendas but I guess I agree with Natalie Goldberg, that all art is political. It's just unavoidable.
Maybe the same people who don't mind Bono might want to read my stuff one day... Because I think we have the same agendas.
Okay, with that aside, I have been listening to satellite radio online and been writing down some musicians that have really caught my ear:
--The HOLMES BROTHERS have a new album, Simple Truths. Actually, it's not new, I just don't have it yet.
--I think I would like to own THE BEST OF GEORGE HARRISON
--There is a guy with a great blues voice, named JC BURRIS. His album was called Blues Professor. I remember liking the guitar on there.
--I heard a guy named DAVID FORD today who was singing along with Kim Taylor. He was edgy and truth-seeking. I liked his voice a lot. He's from England and he swears a lot.
--Another blues guy, WARNER WILLIAMS was good too. His album was called Blues Highway.
I wrote those down so I can hunt them when I get back in town... I had an amazon fiasco lately so I know better than to order it from Bangkok...
I really miss music. Live music. My favorite is the blues, as you can see. I wish I could just listen to music and not feel like I have to reach for my guitar. I guess I miss playing for people. The Thais have a cool picking style. Maybe I can pick that up. Ha.
I think the next song I'd like to learn on the guitar is St. James Infirmary because it's about time a woman sang it and it always blows my mind. Joel brought it to my attention via the Gypsy Strings. Maybe I'd like to learn a bunch of standards to throw into my mix. Viva la Tradition.
Here's what I've been thinking about. I'm tired of feeling that there is restrictions on what I can say about my faith in my writing. Who am I writing for, I wonder? Are there enough people like me out there who will care about what I have to say about Jesus? About injustice? These thoughts are kind of discouraging to me. Maybe I shouldn't have so much of an agenda. In my latest story I wrote about working at a dying department store at christmastime. I tried to just write about my coworker, but I knew all sorts of things would come out. She was obsessed with racism, so that's in there. I can't write about her and not have her obsessed with it. Also, the people around her were obsessed with Jesus. Anyway, I don't want to have all these hidden agendas but I guess I agree with Natalie Goldberg, that all art is political. It's just unavoidable.
Maybe the same people who don't mind Bono might want to read my stuff one day... Because I think we have the same agendas.
Okay, with that aside, I have been listening to satellite radio online and been writing down some musicians that have really caught my ear:
--The HOLMES BROTHERS have a new album, Simple Truths. Actually, it's not new, I just don't have it yet.
--I think I would like to own THE BEST OF GEORGE HARRISON
--There is a guy with a great blues voice, named JC BURRIS. His album was called Blues Professor. I remember liking the guitar on there.
--I heard a guy named DAVID FORD today who was singing along with Kim Taylor. He was edgy and truth-seeking. I liked his voice a lot. He's from England and he swears a lot.
--Another blues guy, WARNER WILLIAMS was good too. His album was called Blues Highway.
I wrote those down so I can hunt them when I get back in town... I had an amazon fiasco lately so I know better than to order it from Bangkok...
I really miss music. Live music. My favorite is the blues, as you can see. I wish I could just listen to music and not feel like I have to reach for my guitar. I guess I miss playing for people. The Thais have a cool picking style. Maybe I can pick that up. Ha.
I think the next song I'd like to learn on the guitar is St. James Infirmary because it's about time a woman sang it and it always blows my mind. Joel brought it to my attention via the Gypsy Strings. Maybe I'd like to learn a bunch of standards to throw into my mix. Viva la Tradition.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
So Long, Been Good to Know Ya
That's a Woody Guthrie song, for those that didn't know...
I'm off today. My plane leaves at 4:55pm. I will arrive in Bangkok tomorrow night around 11:30. (What will be 12:30pm, their time...)
My stomache is a bit upset this morning. I guess that's to be expected. But I had a nice send-off. I got to pray with Harry, Chuck, and my dad and then Harry gave me a Message Bible that he really likes. I'm liking it too. Last night I brought Joel to the Menczers for dinner and then we stayed for their study, so I got to see some people, like my grandma, for the last time in a while...
Saying good-bye is awkward; sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I just split outta sight without hugging anyone. Maybe if no one knew I was leaving it would be easier... I guess that wouldn't be right. It's good to know that people will be thinking about me and praying for me.
Last night, as I usually feel after Dave's teaching, my head was filled with good thoughts and Joel and I felt at peace about the situation. I was pretty happy about that. Nancy Kammer (director friend)pointed out that that the fact that we can trust each other while we're gone is a really big and important thing. So that was encouraging...
I'm sorry if these thoughts aren't reading well. I'm having trouble typing, i feel so nauseous. I hope it goes away soon...
While I'm gone, read about my adventures at NoraInBangkok.blogspot.com
Much love to my homies.
I'm off today. My plane leaves at 4:55pm. I will arrive in Bangkok tomorrow night around 11:30. (What will be 12:30pm, their time...)
My stomache is a bit upset this morning. I guess that's to be expected. But I had a nice send-off. I got to pray with Harry, Chuck, and my dad and then Harry gave me a Message Bible that he really likes. I'm liking it too. Last night I brought Joel to the Menczers for dinner and then we stayed for their study, so I got to see some people, like my grandma, for the last time in a while...
Saying good-bye is awkward; sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I just split outta sight without hugging anyone. Maybe if no one knew I was leaving it would be easier... I guess that wouldn't be right. It's good to know that people will be thinking about me and praying for me.
Last night, as I usually feel after Dave's teaching, my head was filled with good thoughts and Joel and I felt at peace about the situation. I was pretty happy about that. Nancy Kammer (director friend)pointed out that that the fact that we can trust each other while we're gone is a really big and important thing. So that was encouraging...
I'm sorry if these thoughts aren't reading well. I'm having trouble typing, i feel so nauseous. I hope it goes away soon...
While I'm gone, read about my adventures at NoraInBangkok.blogspot.com
Much love to my homies.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
My mother bought me a massive blue suitcase. She thinks it's too big; I can't imagine packing for a year away in anything else. I haven't even begun packing. I'm thinking I'll put it off until after the campout. The plane ticket's in but I haven't applied for a visa because I'm still waiting for the letter if invitation from the university where I'll be working. I'm halfway between excitement and panic. The dreams have started, too. Last night I had a dream that I didn't have enough of a goodbye to Joel and I was racing up and down the terminal trying to find him but it was too late and i cried for the whole plane-ride, and when I got to Thailand they put me straight to work and I found that I was incompetant and lost as to how to get anything done.
Every time I get a moment by myself (I've had many today), the question pops into my head: What do you want out of life? It's not like I'm asking myself, "What do I want out of life," but more like someone else is asking, "What do YOU want?" It's a dramatic question, yes, and haunting. It's haunted me for months now, seeming to go hand in hand with the idea of leaving.
Some have asked, "Why are you going there?" I've had several answers. I've said that I want the experience of being stripped of direct communication--a language barrier. Whether I really want that or not, I'll have it; I know one or two phrases in Thai and I'm not sure if I'm using the right tones. I've said that I want to escape this social life (or theater life) that's kept me from writing stories and essays. I've said that I just feel like it's right. I feel somewhat guilty because I think I should probably have some inspirational martyresque answer having to do with God.
I have these answers but none of them satisfies that other burning question. I'm sure if I was able to answer it, which I am not, I would know that this thing, whatever it is, could no easier be found in Thailand than in Detroit. I know it's time for a change. I know I'm an experience-addict. I know going there will be "awesome" because that's what everyone tells me it will be (or at least I hope everyone's right...) I know the Lord will be with me.
One friend asked me why I was going and I said, "I have no idea." She said, "Well even if you did have an idea, you'd probably find the real reason once you're there, don'tcha think?" And maybe that goes for the deeper question "What do I want out of life?" I continue on, wherever my feet happen to take me, trying to serve God the best I can because I know that guy and I trust him, but I won't know what I've really wanted all this time until I see His face.
Every time I get a moment by myself (I've had many today), the question pops into my head: What do you want out of life? It's not like I'm asking myself, "What do I want out of life," but more like someone else is asking, "What do YOU want?" It's a dramatic question, yes, and haunting. It's haunted me for months now, seeming to go hand in hand with the idea of leaving.
Some have asked, "Why are you going there?" I've had several answers. I've said that I want the experience of being stripped of direct communication--a language barrier. Whether I really want that or not, I'll have it; I know one or two phrases in Thai and I'm not sure if I'm using the right tones. I've said that I want to escape this social life (or theater life) that's kept me from writing stories and essays. I've said that I just feel like it's right. I feel somewhat guilty because I think I should probably have some inspirational martyresque answer having to do with God.
I have these answers but none of them satisfies that other burning question. I'm sure if I was able to answer it, which I am not, I would know that this thing, whatever it is, could no easier be found in Thailand than in Detroit. I know it's time for a change. I know I'm an experience-addict. I know going there will be "awesome" because that's what everyone tells me it will be (or at least I hope everyone's right...) I know the Lord will be with me.
One friend asked me why I was going and I said, "I have no idea." She said, "Well even if you did have an idea, you'd probably find the real reason once you're there, don'tcha think?" And maybe that goes for the deeper question "What do I want out of life?" I continue on, wherever my feet happen to take me, trying to serve God the best I can because I know that guy and I trust him, but I won't know what I've really wanted all this time until I see His face.
